The Other Twin
by symphiann
Summary: Edward left home ten years ago over bad blood and angry words. Now a family tragedy brings him back to the place he swore to never return to. Will he find forgivness and maybe something a little more. AH, AU, CANON.
1. Chapter 1

I have not been home for almost ten years. Not that I hadn't wanted to go home but bad blood and words I wish I hadn't spoken kept me from returning to the place where I had grown up. The place where my mother planted flower's every spring, where my Father built a tree fort us, and where my twin brother and I would play for hours in the wet forest surrounding our house. I can still remember the last time I was home, I raged at the three people that meant the most to me. I said things to my twin that were unforgivable. I never imagined that ten years would go by without any word from them. I had accepted the fact that I was out of their lives, that time would not heal all wounds. Therefore, I was shocked yesterday when my parent's phone number was flashing on my caller id. My hand hesitated over the phone, not sure if answering was a good idea. "Edward man up and answer the call, you know how much you miss of the honey know as your mother's voice." If I had only known why my Mother was calling I would have ran from that phone so fast and I would not have turned around. It was because of that call I am now on a red eye flight to Seattle. It was also because of that call I have guilt churning in my gut so thick that I am sure that it is going to spew forth and manifest into its own being. The guilt is because of the last thing I said to my twin ten years ago. "I hate you Elijah, you are dead to Me." and now those are the last things I will have ever said to him, the call was my mother sobbingly informing that Elijah was killed in a car accident on the way to Seattle.

"Sir would you like anything to drink?" the flight attendants nasally voice broke into my thoughts.

"Vodka if you have any, please," I said without looking at her. I ran my hand through my already disheveled hair. I saw her too tan hand place two-miniature bottles of the clear liquor on the tray in front of me.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" she purred leaning closer to me; I was almost gagging on her cheap perfume. I turned my head to her, taking in her over-processed blonde appearance. Why is that every blonde bimbo thinks that they are God's gift to me. I definitely did not.

"I am positive that there is not anything else you can do for me," I sneered grabbing the little bottle of heaven sitting in front of me. Cracking open the lid, I put the bottle to my lips and forced the burning alcohol down my throat.

"Well if you change your mind, just push that little button right up there and I will come running," She said leaning over me to point to the call button and pressing her prominent cleavage into my face. Seriously, could this chick not take a hint? I turned to her and gave her the "don't fuck with me" look and stated, "Believe me, I won't change my mind."

She promptly backed off, her face flushing a little and stuttered, "Of course sir, please enjoy the rest of your flight," She then turned tail and fled to the flight attendant station, I am sure to cry about what an asshole I am. I really did not care. Maybe if I had been on this flight for another reason I would have taken that plastic blonde into the tiny bathroom and fucked her three ways from Sunday, but not today. I wanted to sit in this chair and get so blindly drunk that I could not feel this guilt anymore, I want to be numb. I knew I would have to face reality soon, my mother insisted on meeting me at the airport. She refused to let me get a rental car and drive home. I didn't argue with her, she just lost a son. Now she was getting one back in the lieu of the aftermath. Maybe she wanted to be there because my face was a spitting image of Eli's and for a moment, she could pretend that I was him.

However, we all know that I am not him, never could be. I hope that my parents wouldn't be too disappointed when they realize that. I hope that they don't regret calling me home when they realize that a twin face doesn't make me him. I need more alcohol. I really did not want to flight attendant Barbie to come back here though. I guess getting shit faced was out the question. It is probably for the best though; do not want Mother to have to deal with my drunken ass.

Once my flight touched down in Seattle, I sat in my seat until everyone else was gone. I knew I had to get off, my Mother would know that my flight had landed and I really didn't like the idea of her standing all alone in airport, there are too many weirdoes around. I pulled myself out of the seat and grabbed my bag from the overhead compartment. "Well here goes nothing." I thought as I made my way out of the terminal and into the busy lounge area. I went through security and fought my way to the baggage claim area. That is when I saw her, the same caramel hair, a new gray tinge to it though. Her watery green eyes were frantically searching the crowd until they landed on me and then tears burst forth and she was running. Once she reached me, she threw her arms around me holding me so tight. I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around her, picking up her dainty shaking frame and squeezing her to me. I was home, she still smelt of cookies and vanilla. Her arms still felt safe and warm. I did not realize how much I missed her until now. I should have come home sooner; it should not be because of this reason.

"Oh Edward," she crooned into my neck "I have missed you so much."

"I missed you to Mom," I whispered back, feeling a tightness building in my chest.

I set her back on the ground, so I could get a good look at her. Her hair definitely had gray mixed in with the caramel, there were new lines around her eye's and mouth that were not there ten years ago. Besides that, she looked the same. She reached her hands up to my face, pressing them into my checks. She seemed to be looking for something, I knew what it was. She was not going to find it. After a minute, she sighed and dropped her hands. I reached out entangling our fingers together; I wasn't ready to give up contact. She seemed surprised by this touch but it didn't let faze her. She squeezed my fingers and said, "How was your flight?"

"It was fine," I said leading her over to the baggage claim. By then only my bag was left on the conveyer belt. "Where's Dad?"

"He's at home with Grams and Pops, their flight landed earlier today," she explained, "He didn't want to leave them alone."

"Oh" was my genius reply. I really did not know what else to say. I did not want to bring up Eli in this crowded airport. I wanted the details, but they would have to wait until we were home.

"You ready?" I turned to my Mom, there were fresh tears running down her face.

"Are you okay Mom?" I asked sweeping my fingers under her eyes, trying to stop the tears.

"I'm sorry Edward, I promised myself that I wasn't going to do this here, but I just forgot how much you two looked alike. Not that I am comparing you two," she added quickly "It's just hard. I know it's you but it's just, you know." I understood what she could not say, she was use to Eli.

"It's alright Mom." I said wrapping my arm around her shoulder "Let's go home."

The ride home passed quickly. Mom kept to safe topics.

"So are you still in New York?" she asked after we were on the highway.

"Yeah I am., I replied staring out the window. I'm not sure I am ready for all of this.

"What are you doing there?" she asked squeezing my hand.

"I'm just composing music and playing in an orchestra," I left out the part that the orchestra I played in was New York's finest and that I was their lead piano player. I'm sure she already knew that though. If she knew I was in New York, she knew where I worked.

"That sounds nice," she said simply "I really miss listening to you play."

"While I'm home I play for you," I amended

"Are you leaving a girl behind back home?" she cringed when she said the word home. Home would never be New York.

"Not really," I sighed, another thing I really did not want to get into.

"What does that mean?" she said using her Mom voice. I ran my hand through my hair for the hundredth time today and told her "I was seeing a girl named Maggie, but it wasn't working out. So we called it quit a few weeks ago. She is pretty certain that we can work our problems out, but I am not." I hope that was enough of an answer for her.

"Well the right one will come along Sweetie," she said squeezing my knee.

Seriously, I missed my mom. The rest of the car ride was a quiet affair. Both of us lost in our thoughts, I am sure that hers were also about Eli. My mind was on repeat of the last time I saw his face, the hurt and the anger there. I could feel my stomach churning again. I decided that I needed to move to a safer memory, or else I was going to lose the vodka and peanuts I had on the plane. I picked out a memory that was safe and reminded me of a time that Eli and I were friends, best friends.

_We were sixteen and dad took us to a car lot, telling us he would only buy one car that we had to share. We spent hours on that lot arguing about which car to get. I really wanted the silver Volvo that shined like a nickel in the sun but Eli wanted this ugly green Trans Am. After hours of arguing, we decided we would decide this maturely, rock, paper, scissor style. We kept tying, some weird twin thing I guess. Finally, Dad had enough and refused to buy either, so he bought this ugly black 79' Chevy truck and we were pissed. However, after a few days we loved the hell out of that truck. I am pretty sure that we both lost our virginity in that truck. We named it Blackie and even worked out a driving schedule._

The tightness in my chest was spreading to my throat. I could feel tears burning the back of eyes. I blinked furiously trying to stop the tears. I did not want to break down here, in my mom's car. I wanted it to happen in the private. I did not want to add to my mother's grief. I did not want her to try to console me; I deserved to feel this pain and guilt. I need it to consume me. My parents have the right to grieve and move on, not me I will carry this sadness with me until my last day as a monument to my twin.

As we passed the sign telling me that we were now in Forks, I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. Nothing has changed here. The buildings look the same in inky light. It was even raining. We quickly passed through town and were on the dirt road that led through the forest to my childhood home. Even though things hadn't changed in town, I knew nothing of my family's life here. I didn't even know where Eli lived, what he did for a living. I didn't even know if he was with "her" anymore.

My jaw clenched on its own accord. I really didn't want to think about that, the reason I stayed away for so long, the reason I now have to live with this guilt. The hatred starting building in my gut for her, I could feel it seeping through my veins, burning a path of fire. I wanted to blame her, I wanted to find her and lash out at her. I want to pour all this guilt and sorrow into her. I want her to know that it is her fault that I will never see my brother again, I never get to hear his voice, see his eyes full of life. I never get to apologize for everything. He'll never know how sorry I am.

Before I could let the rage really start flaring my parent's big white mansion came into view. The sight of my childhood home wiped all the angry thoughts out of my head. My mother sighed next to me as she pulled into the garage. She turned to me and said "I know that you have a lot of questions about, well everything. But can we wait for that conversation until the morning?"

I looked at the clock realizing that it was after two in the morning.

"Of course Mom," I said as I opened the car door. After I gathered my bags from the trunk I made my way into the house. It smelt the same, a mixture of vanilla, honey and wood polish. I took a deep breathe letting the smell sooth my soul.

"Are you hungry?" my mom whispered as she passed me.

"No, I ate on the plane," I whispered back, Vodka and peanuts count right.

She gave me a look like she didn't believe me, but thankfully she didn't push it.

"Well I guess if you aren't hungry, we should get you to bed," she said slipping into mom mode.

"Okay," was all I could reply to that with, I am tired.

We made our way up the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. Just as we hit the second floor, my parent's door opened and my father's blonde head poked out. Well more gray then blonde now. He smiled sadly at my mom, and then turned his eyes to me. What I saw there took my breath away, forgiveness. I knew that I didn't deserve it but it made the tightness in my chest spread. He walked out of the room and stood before me awkwardly. I knew he wanted a hug and secretly I did too. I dropped my bags as quietly as possible and opened my arms to him. In two seconds flat my father had his arms wrapped around me tightly.

"It's good to see you son," he said softly

"You to Dad."

He squeezed me tightly for another second and then let go. Awkwardness filled the hallway. I shifted from foot to the other.

"I was just taking Edward up to his old bedroom," my Mom said breaking the silence that had befallen us.

"You must be tried, it's what five am in New York?" My Dad said to me looking concerned.

"Something like that," I said running my hand through my hair again.

"Go get some sleep, we'll catch up in the morning," he said making his way back to his bedroom. "Goodnight Edward." he added as he closed his door.

"Night Dad," I said, even though he could not hear me anymore.

I picked up my bags and proceeded up the next flight of stairs. The only rooms up here were mine and Eli's. Mine on one side and his on the other. As I passed his closed door I stopped for a second. I knew that he couldn't have possibly lived here still, but the urge to see his room was over-whelming. My Mom had stopped and was staring intently on the door also, almost like it was a snake that was ready to pounce and bite her. I would have to wait to make an excursion in there. I walked the last few feet to my door.

"We haven't really changed much in here," my mom explained as she opened the door.

"You didn't have to do that Mom."

"I couldn't bring myself to change either of your rooms," she said a sob escaping her throat. I dropped my bags in the doorway and wrapped my now free arms around her. She held onto me for dear life. I held her for about ten minutes, letting her get it out. Finally she pulled away, looking up at me with a sad smile she said "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"Mom, do not apologize for crying." was all I could say. I needed her to go, I wasn't going to hold my composure much longer. She wiped her face with her sleeve. "I put fresh bedding on the bed for you; there are clean towels in your bathroom. If you need anything else you know where it is still."

"I'm sure I do." I picked up my forgotten bags and set them onto my black leather couch.

"Sleep in as long as you want. Your Dad is leaving for the airport again in the morning, His brothers family will be in then," she said making her way to the door.

"Are Alice and Emmett going to be with them?" I asked hopefully, I hadn't seen my cousins in years.

"I think they are coming with their families," She replied "Well I am going to get to bed before your Dad comes up here and lectures me on keeping you awake."

"Okay Goodnight Mom," I said grabbing a pair of flannel pants from my bag, they would work for tonight.

"Goodnight Sweetie," she said shutting the door.

Alone at last, I looked around my room for the first time since I walked into it. My Mom was right they had not changed anything. The walls were still Midnight blue; the carpet was still the plush gold. The books I hadn't taken to New York with me still lined the shelves and all the pictures that I had left behind in my anger were still there. Eli's face smiled out at me from everywhere. Him and I standing next to "Blackie". Us in our football jersey's after the homecoming game. Our arms slung around each other at graduation. If we only knew that was the last picture we would take with each other, I'm sure we wouldn't be smiling as big as we were. I left two weeks after graduation. As I looked down the row of pictures we kept getting younger and younger. Us in our tree fort. Down at first beach in our matching neon green swim trunks. In the bath tub. Finally us two days old lying in Mom's arms. That's all it took the tears starting flowing, soon they turned into gut wrenching sobs. It hurt so much, as mad as I was at Eli I never stopped loving him. Pictures were all I had left of him. I grabbed the closet one to me. We were about 10 in the picture. We were wading in the creek that was behind our house trying to catch tad poles. Mom had snuck up on us taking the picture. We splashed her relentlessly for doing it but she just laughed and said that we would appreciate it one day. She was right.

"God Eli, I am so sorry," I sobbed to the picture "I should have came home along time ago, I shouldn't have left things the way they were. I love you brother, always have, and I always will."

I set the picture back down on the shelf and blindly made my way to my bed. I flopped down onto the mattress, curling up in a ball I cried until I had nothing left. I felt like such a girl but I couldn't control it. I don't know how long I stared at the ceiling before I succumbed to sleep.

I woke the next day to the sound of voices floating up the stairs, groaning I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. My head hurt from the emotional break down I had earlier this morning. After a few minutes I decided that I better get up and go down stairs. I rolled off the bed and made my way to the bathroom. After a hot shower I felt marginally better. I didn't bother looking in the mirror though I was sure my face looked like I didn't even sleep. I put on the first shirt and jeans I came across and made my way down stairs.

Once I was down there I could hear my mom's voice coming from the kitchen. My stomach growled at that exact second, I guess eating nothing but a bag of airplane peanuts over a 24 hour period wasn't going to cut it. I walked into the kitchen and about walked out again when I realized that my Aunt was comforting my mom. She had her arms wrapped around her and whispering into her ear. I felt like I was intruding. I tried to slip back out unnoticed but that didn't happen. "Edward Anthony," my mother said pulling away from my Aunt Carmen "You better get back in here and eat something. I heard your stomach from the hallway."

I walked sheepishly back into the kitchen, after pecking my mom on the check I sat down at the breakfast bar.

"Hi Aunt Carmen," I greeted my Aunt. It had been ten years since I had seen her last but she looked the same. Tiny frame, black shoulder length hair and sparkling blue eyes. She made her way over to where I was sitting and wrapped her tiny arm around my shoulder.

"Edward, it's been to long," she said affectionately squeezing my shoulder.

"It has." I said feeling awkward I knew I had a lot of explaining and apologizing to everyone about my absence. I have every intention of fixing my mistakes before I go back to New York. It was going to be hard, but it was the right thing to do. Eli's death has taught me that.

"I'll let you and your mom have some alone time," she said removing her arm and walking towards the door.

"That's not necessary Carmen," my mom said turning from the pancakes she was cooking.

"Yes it is," Carmen stated "I have some things to unpack anyways. We'll talk more later." she directed at my mom. Mom just nodded, if anyone could sympathize with mom it was Aunt Carmen. There oldest daughter Irina died when she was seven from leukemia. I knew that she would be a great support for my mom.

"Here you go," My mom said setting a plate of pancakes in front of me "There your favorite, Banana."

"Thanks Mom, they smell awesome," I said applying the butter and syrup. "But do you think that I really need ten pancakes."

"Well you look on the skinny side," She defended herself. I knew that wasn't the truth I was actually about fifteen pounds bigger then I was when I left home. It was all muscle but it was still bigger. I knew that she was just trying to pre occupy herself. It was easier to be in mom mode then it was to be in sad mode.

"Whatever you say" I laughed.

Mom fussed around the kitchen for a few more minutes, cleaning up the pancake mess. I ate in silence the only sound to be heard was my fork on the plate and mom's rag wiping down the counter. Finally she sighed and threw the rag into the sink. Turning to me, her eye's already welling up "I think that we should talk about Eli's death now."

"Alright," I choked on the bite of pancake in my mouth, coughing I reached for my glass of milk.

"Are you okay?" my mom rushed to my side. Clearing my throat I said "I'm fine, you just took me by surprise that's all."

"We don't have to do this right now, if you don't want to."

"It's fine Mom, really. I'm ready."

"Okay let me go get your Dad. He should be here for this." she said making her way to the door to call my Dad.

A few minutes later they both walked in, with the same expression of total grief on their faces. I could feel my throat starting to tighten again. They sat down in the chairs opposite of me. My Dad cleared his throat "Eli was here that weekend, he was living in Seattle but he came home to help me get some things done before it started snowing. He left later then he wanted to on Sunday because your Mom's car was acting up and he wanted to get it running properly for her before he went back."

Mom interrupted him there and said "He told me that he didn't like the idea of me breaking down on the side of the road all by myself. I told him that he was being silly that I could take into the shop the next day, but he wouldn't listen." Tears were running freely down both of their faces at this point.

"Yes well he was very protective of you" my Dad said "Anyways he stayed to fix the car, at around 6:30 he took off in a hurry to get home. They had dinner plans that night. She had already called him numerous times trying to get him to hurry." My dad gave me a pained expression; I knew then that he was still with her. The news no longer angered me, I was just sad that I let that keep me from him. "The last thing he said to us was that he loved us and that he would call us the next day" then he was gone. About fours hours later she called telling us that about fifteen miles away from their house a drunk driver swerved into his lane, killing him on impact."

My Dad barely got the last part out before breaking down into uncontrollable sobs. My mom wrapped her arms around him, joining his breakdown. I could feel my own coming on; I didn't fight it though I let the waves of sorrow take me out into the sea of grief. The sounds of my own broken sobs joined those of my parents. I buried my face into my arms and wept for Eli, for all the time I had wasted, for him being so close to home and not making it, for the guilt my parents would now carry with them because of him staying later then planned. It wasn't their fault; nothing or no one could make Eli do something he didn't want to. After a few minutes I felt my mom's arms wrap around me followed by my Dads and that's where we stayed for another hour crying and holding onto each like survivors after a horrible wreck. I finally pulled myself away from my parents. I needed to know everything else now, what he did for a living, am I an Uncle? Things I should have already known, but didn't

"I have some questions about everything," I said wiping my eyes on the back of my sleeve.

"Okay," my mom said doing the same.

"I have missed out on so much the last ten years, I don't even know what Eli was doing with his life, where he lived, if he has any kids. I guess I just want to know all the details."

"Well after you left he took a year off from school and traveled the country. He said that he needed to clear his head. He was gone exactly twelve months before he showed up at our door and got back to his life. He never talked about his time away with anyone. Us or her. After he got back he attended WSU becoming a psychiatrist, he had his own practice in Seattle. He really loved his work. They got married about six years ago in a small ceremony in our backyard. They lived in Seattle and she is pregnant with their first child." My mom listed off. Her voice cracking in the last sentence.

Scrubbing my face with my hands, I tried to absorb all the information my mom just dealt me. He was a doctor, which didn't surprise me. They were married, also didn't surprise me. The part that did was the baby. Not that I didn't think that was a possibility, it was just hard to think that he would never meet his child.

"When is the baby due?" was the first thing out of my mouth.

"In two months," my mom said looking down at the counter "Its a little boy." she started sobbing again.

"Why isn't she here?" My anger was starting to come back. She was his fucking wife and she wasn't even with his family.

"I think she wanted to give you time to adjust to everything before she showed up," My father explained. Fuck that, she was a coward just like she always was.

"Fuck that," I repeated out loud

"Edward," My mom scolded "I know this is hard for you, but she just lost her husband and the father of her child. So when she does show up I expect you to be civil. I'm not saying that you have to go out of your way to be nice or anything. We don't blame you for the hard feelings that you have towards her. Just don't add to her grief. Please for me."

I just nodded. I didn't trust myself to say anything out loud. I pushed myself out of the chair; I needed a moment to myself.

"I'm going to go to my room."

"You don't have to," My mom said, fear I didn't understand was in her eyes.

"I just need to take a moment to absorb everything; I will come back down later," I promised

"You're not going to leave?" My mom whispered. That explains the fear.

"I'm not going anywhere Mom. I just need a minute to myself," I hugged her into my body and dropped a kiss onto the top of her head. "I promise."

"Alright, do you want me to come get you when your cousins arrive?" My dad asked as I made way out of the room.

"Sure," I said.

I made my way up to the third floor in a daze. I found myself standing in front of Eli's door. I wasn't sure how long I had been there. I rested my hand on the knob, it was now or never. I used the last of my will power to turn the knob and open the door. The room was wholly Eli. From the Black carpet to the Swimsuit model posters on the wall. His Seattle Seahawks comforter was till on his bed. I flipped on light switch and shut the door behind me.

Unlike my room a lot of his personal items were missing, only a few pictures remained on his shelves, mostly repeats of what I had in my room. I turned to his bed and laying there in the middle of his pillows was Patches his over loved teddy bear. I walked over to the wall and turned off the light and made my way back to the bed. Laying down I grabbed patches and hugged him to my chest and got lost in thoughts of Eli.

A few hours later I heard the door creak open and the light flipped on. I lifted my head up from the pillow to see who was interrupting my alone time.

"Eli!" came the shocked feminine voice from the door way.

**So there you have it folks, Chapter one. Let me know what you think. I am without a beta, so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. If your interested in the job PM me. Now go ahead and review, you know you want to!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey y'all, thanks to everyone who reviewed. You guys are awesome!!! Thanks to all of my readers too!! So here is chapter two!! Enjoy!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of it's characters!! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own : All of the books, a team Edward shirt, the soundtracks to both movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.**

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"_Eli" came the shocked feminine voice from the door way._

"Eli is that you?" her voice shook as she took another step into the room. I tried to find my voice but at the moment it was MIA. I don't think I have ever seen a women as beautiful as the one standing in front of me. She was tiny in height and frame. She had long cascading brown wavy hair. The biggest chocolate colored eyes I have ever seen. Her lips were beautiful the top was a little more plump then the bottom, it made me want to bite them. Her eye's were opened wide with shock, her lips were trembling. I realized that she had no idea who I was and probably thought she was seeing a ghost.

"Edward." I corrected her.

"Huh."

"My name is Edward." I said stupidly.

"Oh God, I am so stupid." she rushed out, her face breaking out in the most beautiful blush I had ever seen. "I knew Eli had a twin brother, I am such an idiot its just with you laying there in the dark, you look so much like him. I…um…will let you get back to what you were doing." She turned around rapidly, tripping over her own feet. She caught herself on the wall, mumbling to herself.

"It's alright you don't have to go." I said sitting up. "How did you know my brother, I am pretty sure we have never meet before. I think I would have remembered your face."If it was possible she turned an even brighter shade off red and stammered out "I met him at WSU, we shared a few classes, got grouped together for projects." A few tears slipped down her face "He's my best friend" she whispered out.

Clearing her throat she said "I didn't think anyone would be in here, I am really sorry for disturbing you. I'm going to go back downstairs."

"You really aren't disturbing me, I was just laying in here thinking about everything, your free to join me…um.. I don't know your name."

"Oh Bella, Bella Swan." she said blushing again. I really needed her to stop doing that, I didn't know how long I could control myself.

"Well Bella, Bella Swan come join me then." I said scooting over to make room on the bed for her.

"Thanks." she said lowering herself into the spot next to me. I didn't know what it was about this girl but I felt so comfortable with her, like I knew her for a long time not five minutes.

"Are you always this easy to get in bed?" I joked trying to lighten the melancholy mood.

"OH…no I…well….I just thought." she stammered out turning so red I thought she might explode.

"Take it easy Bella, I was only kidding." I said nudging her shoulder with mine.

"I…yeah…okay." she blushed again, really it was too adorable. "So you live in New York right?"

"Yeah, how did you know that?" I asked genuinely curious

"Eli told me." she said looking at me in confusion

"I didn't realize that he knew where I was living." I said vaguely "We really hadn't talked for awhile."

"Oh I know." She said turning her face away from me "He always tried to keep tabs on you though."

"Why?" I whispered stunned. She must have heard me because she turned and looked me right in the eye and said "Because he loved you very much."

"Oh I don't know about that." I disagreed there was no way that Eli still loved me after all that I said and did to him.

"I do." she said confidently. She reached out and grasped my hand hard with hers. "He talked about you all the time. He told me all about your guys childhood. He even told me about your fight. I know the guilt of what he did to you ate him up a little more everyday. He talked about hopping on a plane to New York all the time. He said that if he could just get you in the same room with him that he could make you see how sorry he was. Your falling out was the biggest regret in his life. So do not doubt that he loved you, he did I can prove it." Her tiny perfect face was scrunched up in determination. She let go of my hand and made her way to the bag she dropped onto the ground.

"He had no reason to feel guilty, I should have came home along time ago and made things right."

She came back to the bed with a large notebook, that was well worn and falling apart. It looked to be held together with duct tape. There were pieces of paper sticking out of it haphazardly. She sat down beside me again, laying the book in her lap. She ran her hand over the cover lovingly, stopping to smooth some of the tape into place. I examined the cover and was surprised to see Eli's hand writing in big black letters going across the front of it, disappearing under the tape. The part I could read said To Edward.

"He started this right after you left, it started with an apology letter. He tried dozens of times to send that letter but he couldn't bring himself to do it. By the time he did, he didn't know where to send it. So that's when he started using some of his inheritance to pay a detective to find you. J. Jenks was the guys name I think. Anyways after he found you and kept track ever sense. He kept the letter though, he thought that you wouldn't be able to forgive him. So he started to keep a journal for you. He kept track of everything that he did in his life in here." She patted the notebook. "I've never read it, he gave it to me some time back. He would take it back now and then to add to it but he said that he felt better with it in my keeping. I honestly think he was scared that Charlotte would find it and throw it out. She really never got over everything." I scoffed at that, stupid bitch really didn't have anything to be upset over. She won, she tore us apart. I then realized that Bella was the only one in this house that would say her name to me, myself included. It felt freeing to hear it. She gave me a sad smile, choosing not to comment on my sound and continued "Anyways I think that he figured that he would eventually send this to you, hoping that it would buy your forgiveness. But now that he is gone, I brought it here to give to you. You get a chance to learn about your brother all over again in his own words. It's an amazing thing." She picked up the raggedy book and handed it to me. I grabbed it with shaking hands. I didn't deserve this, he didn't need to earn my forgiveness it was the other way around.

"It's so stupid." I choked out I didn't realize that I was crying until now. She looked at me shocked, thinking that I meant the book. "Not the book, I meant I'm so stupid. I wish I did things differently." She didn't say anything, she just patted my hand gently. "Thank you for this, it means a lot to me that you brought it."

"Well it is technically yours now, so it was only right." She pulled her hand away from mine and carefully got off of the bed. "Well I better go see if your Mom needs anything. I snuck up here when she wasn't looking, so I am sure that she is wondering where I went."

"Okay" I said still looking down at Eli's book.

"I'll see you down there later then?" she asked hesitantly

"Yeah" I looked up at her "I will be down in a few"

Her face broke out into a smile "Alright then." she said and turned tripping over her feet again. I jumped off the bed to help her up. "You know I'm starting to wonder if your drunk." I said laughing "and also why your not sharing."

She laughed and grabbed my extended hand pulling her self up "If only that was the reason, you'll get use to it. Eli use to joke that it God should have given me permanent training wheels."

"So I take it that this is a regular occurrence."

"You have no idea." she stated primly, dusting off her pants. "Well I have filled my quota for embarrassment for today so I am going to go now. It was very nice to meet you Edward, I will see you downstairs." and with that said she turned on her heel, not falling this time, and rushed out the door. Chuckling I sat back down onto the bed. I really didn't know much about Bella Swan, but for the first time in a long time I wanted to know more.

I stared at the door for a few minutes after she left, I shook my head with a small grin on my face. I have never seen someone fall down so many times in such a short period. She was something else that's for sure. I glanced down at the journal sitting in my lap. I can't believe that Eli really did this. I guess it makes sense, he was a psychiatrist, he would do the logical thing when dealing with his own personal problems. He use try to get me to write in a journal when we were younger, saying that it would help me work through any issues I was having. I ran my hand over the worn cover and debated on opening it. Part of me wanted to dive right in and read everything, but part of me was nervous. I don't know if I could deal with the on slate of grief that was sure to follow. The curious part of me won, as I opened the cover and sitting underneath it was an envelope, my name and address written on the front of it. I set it off to the side, I would deal with the apology letter later. I just wanted to hear about himself, not how sorry he was.

**Edward,**

**You've been gone now for almost a year and a half. I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss you. I shouldn't have done what I did and I don't know if I will ever be able to tell you how sorry I am. Enough of that though, I already explained myself in the letter. So I am writing to tell you that today was my first day of college. A year later then I thought it would be but oh well. It was a lot different then I thought it would be. In some ways it's a lot like high school. Except everything is bigger. Most of my classes confused the hell out of me. But I am sure I will catch on eventually. My dorm room is tiny, barley enough room for all of my stuff. My room mate is crazy!! He is into vampires!! He keeps telling me that he knows they exist and he's going to prove it one day!! I just try to ignore him as much as possible. I haven't met to many people yet. Sitting here in my room I have to wonder where you are, if your happy, if your safe. I wonder if you found a place to play the piano at. I know how important that is to you. Mom and Dad miss you like crazy too. I know they feel bad for your falling out. I haven't told them that I know where you are, I am giving you time to deal with everything. Hopefully you will come home to them soon. I took a walk around the parents property the other day and found myself sitting in the meadow we use to play in. I swear I could almost hear the ghost of our old selves running around the trees laughing at each other. I missed you so much in that moment. Not that I don't miss you all of the time, just sometimes it hits me harder then others. I plan on keeping this journal for you in hopes one that I grow a big enough pair and send it off to you. I also hope that this piece of me will heal our rift and bring you home. I know that I am only dreaming, I can't blame you for leaving. I love you Brother.**

**Elijah**

It was almost like he was sitting right next to me, speaking those words. It was him. I turned the page to the next entry.

**Edward,**

**Hey Brother. It's been awhile since I have been able to write. College life is so crazy!! I met an amazing girl, she's in a few of my classes. Her name is Bella Swan. We get along great, though I do worry about her personal safety. The girl has no coordination. I think you would really like her. I can talk to her about things, you, more then I can with anyone else. Maybe it's because she is an outsider to the situation but she has helped me a lot. I hope one day you will be able to meet her. I really enjoy my classes. It's hard but rewarding. I found out today that you are playing in a piano bar. I bet it's exciting! Hopefully soon you will be living out your dream of playing in a orchestra. I was also glad to see that you are living in a better neighborhood. I worried so much when you rented your last studio. I'm sure it seems a little stalkerish that I know so much about your life there but I just want to make sure you are doing well. I love you Brother and I miss you more then you'll ever know. I will write again soon.**

**Elijah**

I slowly closed the journal. I could feel the tears running down my face. I knew there was much more to read in there but I was on an emotional overload as is. I am so thankful for this gift from him. I was glad to feel like I have a piece of his life for the last ten years. I am also glad that he made the effort to keep tabs on me, in a way he had a piece of my life. I quietly left his room, shutting the door like I had never been there. I slipped into my room and laid the journal on my desk, I would finish it a little at time. I knew that I should head downstairs and spend some time with my family, I hadn't even seen my Grams and Pops yet. Plus I was little interested in seeing Bella again.

* * *

Once downstairs, I searched everyone out. I found my Dad, Uncle and Pops sitting the living room with some game playing on the T.V. None of them seemed to be watching it, all lost in thought. I plopped down on the couch next to my Pops breaking everyone out of their trances.

"Well Eddie boy, the said you were home but I was starting to think they were lying." Pops said, his wrinkled eyes dancing with amusement.

"Sorry I meant to come find you sooner but things came up." I said laughing a little

"It's good to see you Edward." my Uncle chimed in from his chair.

"You to Eleazar. Are Em and Alice here yet?" I asked

"Not yet, should be soon though." he said looking at his watch.

"So Eddie." Pop Started, he was the only one who could get away with calling me that. "How's life treating you in New York?"

"Good, I have a job with an orchestra. A pretty nice apartment. I have a pretty close group of friends. Life's good there." I said not looking at my Dad, going to New York was what had caused part of our rift.

"I'm glad to hear that, when you're my age all you want is to see your grandkids happy and living life." he said patting my knee.

My Dad interrupted there and said "I think that's all any parent or grandparent wants Dad. I want nothing more then my kid here to be happy." His eyes were shining with unshed tears. We had so much to discuss, but now was not the time for that. I would like to do it in private just the two of us. I smiled at him and said "Well then don't worry to much, besides the current situation, I am pretty happy."

I didn't really want to think about my life in New York, not that I was lying to my dad. I was happy there, but it still felt like it was partly due to the discord in my family. Part of me believed that New York shouldn't exist, if it didn't maybe Eli would still be here and talking with us.

"Well Eddie, I know that you had your reasons for running off, but next time please at least give your Grams a call. She worries sick about you." Pops said. Did I also mention that my Pops is also blunt as hell.

"Of course." I mumbled.

"Well with that settled I am going to see what the ladies are up to." He said standing.

"I'll go with you." I stood up, partially because I wanted to see Bella again. I felt guilty even thinking about her in that way. My brother had just passed and I was becoming enamored with a woman that he obviously held highly. Maybe it was some weird grief thing. "I want to check on Mom anyways."

We found the women huddled in the back sun porch, expect it barely ever saw sun. They were seated together on my mom's wicker furniture, sipping coffee and all lost in thought. Pops cleared his throat "Beth" he addressed my Grams "Look who I found."

Grams eyes snapped up and took me in. "Edward, my darling boy." She said, standing "Come, let me get a good look at you."

I walked over to her, feeling Bella's eyes on me. I didn't look though, I missed my grams and my attention was solely on her.

Grams reached up and grabbed my face with her tiny wrinkled hands "I have missed you so." She whispered, tears feeling her eyes.

"I've missed you too Grams." I mumbled, my throat closing a little.

"Well come give me some love then." She said, wrapping her arms around me. Being her, wrapped in my grams arms, it reminded me of being a younger version of myself. How many times have these arms held me? Too many to count. I was such an idiot for running away the way I did. I shouldn't have cut everyone out of my life. I could fell my grams start shaking with sobs. I held her tighter and raised my head, making eye contact with Pops.

"Beth." he said gently, coming up behind her. "Why don't we go rest, you must be tired after the long flight yesterday." He pulled her from my arms and into his. Shushing her gently.

"Of course Arthur, I am feeling a little tired." she said. Peeking up at me bashfully.

"When you are feeling a little more awake Grams, why don't you and I have a nice long talk." I said, not wanting her to feel embarrassed for her break down.

"I would like that." she said, turning to leave the room with my pops.

Once they were out of sight, I settled myself in next to my mom. She reached over and grabbed my hand, holding it tightly. "Oh dear." she exclaimed after a minute "I forgot to introduce you to Bella." She looked at me and then at Bella.

"Edward, darling this was Eli's very good friend Bella." my mom said, holding back a sob. I knew how hard it was to refer to him in past tense. "Bella, this is Edward."

"Nice to meet you Edward." Bella said, holding out her hand daintily to shake mine. I cocked my eyebrow up at her, so were going to play that game huh? She blushed slightly at my expression.

"Nice to meet you Bella." I said finally, taking her tiny hand in mine. A shock of electricity flowed out of her hand and into mine. I dropped her hand in surprise, her face looking the same. I had never felt anything like that before.

"So Bella," I said recovering "You knew Eli."

"Yes, we meet at college. We had many classes together." she gave me a water downed version of what she had told me upstairs.

"It's nice for you to be here, during this time." I said simply, wrapping my arm around my mom.

"Of course." she said, her eyes welling up, she blinked rapidly trying to hide the tears.

"Bella is pretty much family." my mom added, seeing Bella's struggle. "She is like the daughter I never had."

"Thank you Esme, that means so much to me." she said, the tears she was fighting now running lose done her face. Before anything else was said, a very subdued Alice walked in, with a tall blonde man I had never meet following behind her.

"Alice, you mad it." my Aunt stood up, hugging her tiny daughter. "It's nice to see you Jasper." she addressed the blonde man over top of Alice's head.

"You to Carmen." he drawled out in a strong southern accent. Southern?

After a minute Alice detangled herself from her Mom and wrapped herself around my mom. She started mumbling things into my mom's ear. I couldn't make most of it out, except for "I'm so sorry, he will be missed so much."

Everyone else sat or stood around awkwardly, watching the two women embrace. I looked down at my hands, feeling slightly out of place. I felt my mom stir beside me and then Alice was suddenly in my lap, wrapping her pixie arms around me.

"Edward, I never thought I would see the day that I saw you again." she said in a rush. Her usual exuberance shining through for a moment. Then it faded quickly.

"Hello Alice." I said, holding her tiny frame to me.

"You jerk, I have missed you so much." her grey eyes sparkling with tears. "But I forgive you, life's to short." Eli's death hadn't only taught me a lesson I guess.

"Well thank you Ali and I have missed you too. I also know what a jerk I am." I looked up and noticed the blonde man was eyeing me curiously. Alice sensed my curiosity.

"Oh for heavens sake, I have forgotten to introduce you to my husband Jasper." she chirped out, jumping out of my lap and grabbing Jasper, pulling him forward.

"Jasper this is my cousin Edward." she said "Edward this is my husband Jasper Whitlock."

I reached hand out "It's very nice to meet you Jasper." he grasped my hand and shook "You to Edward, I am very sorry for you lose."

I just nodded my head at him, not knowing what to say.

"Alice, Jasper you remember Bella?" My mom said, waving her hand in Bella's direction.

"Of course, we met at the wedding. How are you doing." Alice twinkled out, dancing over to Bella, pulling her up into a tight hug.

"Nice to see you again Bella." Jasper drawled out.

"You to Jasper." her muffled voice came out from Alice's shoulder.

Once Alice pulled away. My mom stood up suddenly "I should fix everyone lunch."

"That's not necessary Mom." I said, trying to pull her back down into her seat.

"He's right Esme." Carmen agreed with me.

"No, I need to make lunch." my mom resisted me, walking away quickly into the kitchen.

I knew that she was using cooking as a diversion technique, I couldn't blame her. I wish that I had something to divert my thoughts. Eli was there at every turn. I tried to think about something else, anything else but he was there. I looked around at the people in the room with me. They were caring on a conversation, one which I didn't hear. I didn't have the energy to pay attention. I noticed how all of their eyes held the same sadness, I wondered briefly if my eyes looked the same.

Fuck, I needed to get out of here. I could feel the grief starting to pull me under again. I stood quickly, muttering out something. I hoped it was legible. I strode out of the room. I found an old jacket of mine in the hall closet and took off across the back yard. Thankfully in my haze I remembered to grab my emergency smokes and lighter. I shoved them roughly into my coat pocket. I rarely ever smoked but I needed it.

I knew where I needed to go. The meadow that Eli and I had spent many days and nights together in.

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**Hey Guys, I am so sorry that it took me so long to get this chapter out. I promise that I will update sooner!! I also have another story that I am working on, Where you belong, check it out if you haven't already. Now go ahead and review, you know you want to!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey y'all, thanks to everyone who reviewed. You guys are awesome!!! Thanks to all of my readers too!! Sorry for the long wait guys. I really have no excuse; but I promise I WILL be updating this more frequently!! I promise!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of it's characters!! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to both movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.**

* * *

Last Chapter:

I knew where I needed to go. The meadow that Eli and I had spent many days and nights together in.

* * *

I walked through the wet, soggy grass, towards the woods. I knew the way to the meadow by heart. Growing up it was our favorite place to go; we spent many hours there playing pirates and ninjas. Later in life, we would go there to escape the tragedies of being a teenager. We would sneak beer there and some of dad's expensive cigars and talk about how we couldn't wait to get out of this shit hole town. It was in that meadow that I first told Eli about Charlotte.

_I was in love, never before has a girl made me feel this way. I finally got the balls to ask Charlotte Wickstrom on a date today and much to my satisfied surprise she said yes. I couldn't wait to tell Eli all about her, he knew that I was jonesing for someone, but I hadn't shared her name with him. I didn't want to curse it by talking about her to soon. But now I could shout it to the world. But first to Eli. I hurried out to our meadow; I had seen Eli head that way when he had gotten home. I found him lying on his back, enjoying the unusual Forks sunshine. He heard me approaching and turned his head towards me._

"_You look happy; does it have anything to do with your mystery girl?"_

_I flopped down on the ground next to him. "It's that obvious huh?"_

"_Maybe, or maybe it's our weird twin connection. So tell me about her. Is it anyone I know?" He sat up, mirroring my relaxed position._

"_Her name is Charlotte Wickstrom, she is amazing, bro."_

"_Charlotte? Don't think I have met her," He said._

"_Well you're going to! I finally asked her on a date today and she said yes!" I burst out._

"_Well I'm excited for you bro! Maybe you guys can double with Kate and me sometime," he suggested. Kate Linter was Eli's girlfriend since freshman year, they were inseparable._

"_Well I have to see how the first date goes," I said nervously. _

"_Why wouldn't it go good? You're a handsome devil, I would know" he chuckled, pointing at his face which was identical to mine._

"_Funny," I snorted._

"_I'm glad you finally found someone you care about, it is about time," He said, slapping me on the back._

"_I guess I was just waiting for the right one,"_

_We proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon hanging out in our meadow, tossing a football back and forth and talking about our girls._

_If I had only known then what would happen, I would have done so many things differently. I should have known that Eli fell for her. The way he looked at her the night that I brought her home to meet my family, but I was to far gone to notice though. I thought that he was just mesmerized by her beauty. But it was more then that, he fell for her and didn't tell me._

I pulled myself roughly from those long forgotten memories. It has been a long time since I even thought about the beginning of Char's and my relationship. I focused a lot on the bad stuff, and tried to bury the good underneath it all. The good was too hard to deal with, it made me wonder where I fucked up; what caused her to run into my brothers' arms. I shook my head angrily; I needed to let this shit go. I knew that I did, I was here to fix my mistakes, not dwell on them. Now that Eli had passed the only one who could give me any answers was Charlotte. I just had to decide if I was ready to hear what she had to say.

I forced all the memories away and focused on the green swaying trees that surrounded me. I missed this place. New York was beautiful in its own right; but this place was peaceful. There were no horns honking; no people shouting; no sounds reached me in my meadow, besides that of the wind whispering through the trees.

I spent another hour there, contemplating what I was going to do now. Even though I hadn't seen Eli in ten years, he was always out there, living; breathing. I don't know what to do now that he wasn't. I was sorry that I had left his journal sitting in my bedroom; this place would have been perfect for sifting through his words.

After another cigarette I decided that I should return to the house, I didn't want to worry my mom. She was going through enough, without having to worry about me running off. Yet another thing I need to make amends with. I needed her forgiveness for disappearing. I slowly made my through the forest that encircled the meadow, my strides slower then they were on the way out here.

Once I broke through the forest and into my parents' back yard, my eyes fell on the lone figure that was standing on the back patio. Bella, the wind was causing her hair to blow around her face. I don't think I had ever seen a more beautiful thing. She seemed to looking for something, her eyes seemed to be searching the forest line. Once they fell onto me, her face relaxed and she took hurried steps off the porch and quickly crossed the yard to me.

"Hey," She said, stopping in front of me. "I was looking for you."

"I needed a little time to myself," I explained, my hand aching to reach up and tuck her wind blown hair behind her ear. "It was getting a little heavy in there."

"Yeah," She agreed, turning her head to look back at the house. "I came out here to warn you, I guess."

"Warn me about what?"

She took a deep breathe and then focused her watery brown eyes onto my green ones.

"Charlotte's here," She finally said.

"Fuck," I exclaimed, reaching into my jacket pocket and pulling out my half empty pack of smokes. I yanked one out, stuffed it into my mouth, and quickly lit it. After a long drag, I felt my body slightly relax. I know that I shouldn't be too surprised by her presence; she was Eli's wife.

"How long has she been here?" I finally asked.

"She showed up about twenty minutes after you left for your walk,"

"Fuck, shit, I'm sorry for the cussing. I just haven't seen her since…" I trailed off.

"Since the day you found out about them." She finished for me.

"Yeah," I said, taking another long drag, and then flicking the rest of the cigarette onto the ground. "I guess I better get in there."

"Are you sure?" She asked, placing her tiny hand onto my arm.

"I don't have much of a choice. She was his wife; I'm going to have to face her sooner or later. Might as well make it sooner."

"Your right," She said dropping her hand. I instantly missed it being there. It was weird that I felt like this about her; I haven't been this interested in a girl since, well since Charlotte. I shuddered at that thought. I didn't want to compare Bella to Charlotte, I had only known her for a few hours and I could already tell that there was no comparison. She was one of a kind.

I really wanted to touch her, fuck it, if I've learned anything in the last twenty four hours; it's that this life can end at anytime. I reached my hand out and wrapped my large hand around her much smaller one. Her eyes shot up to mine in shock and a small gasp escaped her lips. I wonder if she also felt the tingle of electricity that happens every time we touch.

"Thank you for coming out here and warning me," I said, squeezing her hand gently.

"This may sound strange and I can't explain why I feel this way, but I feel oddly protective of you," she said, squeezing my hand back.

I looked at this tiny, beautiful girl in shock. How could she feel protective of me? She barley knew me, but I guess that's a lie, Eli probably told her everything that there was to know about me, well everything that he knew at least. I softly stroked her knuckles with my thumb and gently pulled her towards the house. I decided not to say anything to her revelation.

When we got to the back door I stopped. I looked down at the brown haired beauty at my side, trying to derive courage from her presence. She must have noticed my struggle because she held my hand harder and reached out and pushed the door open.

"I won't leave your side," she whispered as we walked into the kitchen.

Thankfully the room was void of anyone besides Bella and me.

"Where is everyone?" I whispered.

"In the sitting room,"

Keeping her hand crushed in mine, I walked towards the room in question. As we got closer to the sitting room, I could hear the dim voices of my family talking. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I am sure that it was related to Eli.

I crossed the threshold to the sitting room, dragging Bella behind me. Thankfully she hadn't tried to pry her hand from mine yet. I needed her, I couldn't explain why; but I did.

Everyone's heads turned to us as we entered. I found my mom quickly and kept my eyes locked on hers. She softly smiled when she saw us enter but then her eyes widened in shock as she took in Bella's hand clasped in mine. The shock quickly faded into something else, maybe happiness. It was hard to tell, because as quickly as it appeared it was gone, once again replaced by the sadness that had made its home there.

I knew that _she _was there; I could feel her watching me. Finally, when I could bear it no longer, I snapped my eyes in her direction. I imagined this moment many times. I imagined what it would feel like to see her again, what I would say if I ever did. Most of it would be very inappropriate given the situation we were in. I had many plans of action, but none of them told me how to deal with her being my brothers' widow. So instead of saying anything, I just stared. She looked that same, but completely different at the same time. Her blonder hair, which in high school hung in soft curls to the bottom of her back, now was cut in a shoulder length bob. There were fine wrinkles surrounding her blue eyes that were not there last time I had seen her. Her face was fuller, but that was probably caused by the pregnancy. That realization caused my eyes to wander down to her swollen stomach, the same stomach that I use to lazily draw circles on with my finger after we had spent hours in my bed.

At that thought I realized that I felt nothing for her anymore, not hate; not love, I was completely indifferent. She stood up hastily, smoothing her hand down the front of her pale gray shirt.

"Edward," she breathed out.

"Charlotte," I addressed her, tightening my hand around Bella's' once again.

Then all of a sudden she was rushing across the floor and wrapped her arms around me tightly. I froze, my whole body going rigid with tension. I felt Bella trying to gently pull her hand away. I refused to let her. My free hand hung limply at my side. I refused to touch her; I may feel indifferently towards her but I sure the fuck wasn't going to hug her. She clung to me tightly, sobs escaping her. I felt her body heaving. I needed to get her away from me, before I exploded.

I looked at my dad in desperation. His face was shocked as he took in Charlottes' from clinging to mine. A quick assessment of everyone else in the room revealed that they were all in the same state as my dad.

"Dad," I finally growled out. The sound of voice seemed to snap him out of the trance he was in. He swiftly stood up and rested his hands on Charlottes' shoulders.

"Charlotte, sweetie," my Dad addressed her. "Why don't you come sit down?"

She didn't budge. "Char, let go of Edward," he said a little more forcibly, pulling her back a little. He must have broken through to her, her red swollen eyes looked up at me and another sob broke out and she quickly folded herself into my Dad's waiting arms. I shoot him a thankful look and then quickly darted from the room. Still dragging a helpless Bella behind me.

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**Here ya go!! I hope you enjoyed it, now go review!! You know you want to. Next update will be in about a week!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here you guys go!! I want to thank all of my lovely readers and reviewers; you guys rock my socks!!**

**I also want to thank my lovely beta Cheshirekat516! She gets the fun chore of correcting my many grammatical mistakes and because of that she is awesome!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters!! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to both movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.**

Last chapter:

She didn't budge. "Char, let go of Edward," he said a little more forcibly, pulling her back a little. He must have broken through to her, her red swollen eyes looked up at me and another sob broke out and she quickly folded herself into my Dad's waiting arms. I shoot him a thankful look and then quickly darted from the room. Still dragging a helpless Bella behind me.

I didn't stop until I reached my bedroom on the third floor. I completely forgot that I was towing Bella behind me until I felt her hand, the one not clasped tightly in mine, touch my shoulder.

"Are you okay, Edward?"

I quickly released her hand, immediately feeling the loss.

"I'm fine, she just caught me by surprise," I said, turning around and facing her. "I didn't think that she would touch me."

"That surprised me too," She said breaking eye contact and taking in my bedroom. "I have never been in here."

"What?" I asked.

"I've never been in your room before. Whenever Eli and I would come here, he avoided your room, hence I have never seen it."

She was rambling now, but I think that she was trying to take my mind off of the woman that was two floors beneath us.

"Oh, well look around then," I said, waving her further into the room.

Not knowing what to do with myself while she browsed I decided to make myself comfortable on the black leather couch. Lounging back, I rested one foot on the low table that sat in front of it.

"You have a huge music collection," she said randomly, as she dragged her finger over the cases that lined the shelf.

"That's nothing, you should see my collection back in New York," I said thinking about the wall in my apartment that I had turned in shelves that now housed all of my music.

"Hmmm…" She said moving onto the shelf that housed the books I had left behind.

"You have great taste in literature also," she mumbled.

She stopped at the pictures, with a shaking hand I saw her pick up the frame holding the picture of Eli and I from graduation.

"You guys look so happy here," she said, I could hear the tears in her voice. I realized how selfish I was being, I mean I knew that I lost my brother, but she had also lost her best friend of almost ten years.

"We were," I said standing up and walking towards her. Once I was closer I could see the tears that were silently leaking down her face. Without thinking I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my chest.

"Shhhhh," I breathed into her hair. Maybe it was strange that I was holding her but her words from earlier were replaying in my mind, about she felt protective of me. I think that I was feeling a little protective of her also. I didn't know where that was coming from, but I don't think that I want it to go away, and that slightly scared me. I had never felt protective of someone else, at least not in this way.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed into my chest. "I should be comforting you."

"Silly Bella," I said as I rubbed my hand up and down her small back. "I want to comfort you, he was someone very special to you also."

I don't know how long we stood there like that, but eventually her sobs turned into silent tears and then turned into the occasional hiccup. Finally her body stilled and I knew that she was spent. I felt her start to pull away and panic shot through me for some unknown reason, I didn't want her to leave the safety of my arms. I was being ridiculous.

She stepped away from me, her cheeks pinked in embarrassment when she saw the wet spots on my shirt. I didn't let her get to far away from me, I reached out and grabbed her hand again, causing a small smile to spread across her lips.

"Tell me about you and Eli?" I asked leading her over to my couch.

"Okay," She said, settling beside me on the couch.

"We meet at college, like I said before, we were partnered together on a project and that was it. We were the best of friends since. I never got along with other girls, I wasn't one of petty gossip and I have no fashion sense to speak of, so I always got along with guys better. Eli and I just clicked. He needed someone to talk to about everything and he became like the older brother that I never had."

"When we graduated I thought that we would drift apart, especially since Charlotte didn't like me very much,"

I interrupted her right there. "Why didn't she like you?" Who couldn't like this warm, caring, beautiful girl?

"I think that she was intimidated by me. Eli and I had a very unique relationship and I think that she felt like I was trying to take him away from her. We both tried to show her that we were nothing but friends, but I don't think she ever truly believed us. She eventually just turned her head the in the other direction and acted like I didn't even exist. She has barely acknowledge me in about four years, I don't really care, but I know that it always upset Eli that she didn't get over her jealousy, I think that he hoped that she would eventually come around." She explained

"So she thought that you had feelings for him?" I asked, kind of curious myself.

"Yes, but I never had _those _kind of feelings," she said, blushing for some unknown reason. "I mean I thought that he was cute when I first starting working with him, but it took about five seconds for me to realize that he was a huge dork and that I felt nothing but brotherly love for him."

I chuckled for a second, my brother was a huge dork, he loved Star Trek and recorded every episode on endless VHS Tapes. I bet he was so excited when they invented the DVR.

"He was a dork," I agreed.

"He was," She whispered. "But he was the best friend I could ever had asked for."

I nodded my head, I really didn't know what to say to her. I knew that he could be the best friend you ever asked for, but I also knew what it felt like to have him stab you in the back.

We sat in silence for a long while, I am sure both reliving memories of Eli. Part of me was glad that she only had good thoughts of him, he deserved to be remembered that way.

A knock on my door interrupted the quiet.

"Edward," My mom called out, sticking her head into my bedroom.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Oh hey, there you two are," She said, smiling sadly at us. "I was wondering where you hauled butt of to, and dragging poor Bella behind you."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I said to both of them. "I just needed to get away from her."

"It's understandable," Bella said, laying her hand on top of my arm. A jolt of electricity shot through me.

"Of course it is, sweetheart," My mom agreed, but her eyes where trained on Bella's small hand. A soft smile danced across her lips for a minute.

"I thought I would come check on you," She said.

"I'll give you and your mom some alone time," Bella said pulling her hand away and making her way to the door. "I can start something to eat, if you would like?" she directed at my mom.

"Oh, thank you dear. I am sure that everyone is getting a little hungry. There is some left over ham in the fridge, maybe you could make something with that," Mom said.

"I'll see what I can do," Bella chuckled and then ducked out the door after giving me one last small smile.

"She really is something," My mom said after a minute, I realized that I was still staring at the door.

"Oh…yeah…she's nice," I said awkwardly.

"Yes she is. Eli and her got on so well, I wish you could have seen it," My mom said, then she flushed. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply anything with that. I know that you and your brother had problems, I didn't mean to bring your separation up like that."

I reached out and grabbed her hand. "It's fine mom, really. It's something that I have come to terms with, but I do need to tell you how sorry I am for leaving like that, you deserved better then me running away."

"Oh honey," She said sitting sown next to me and wrapping her tiny arms around my shoulders. "I don't blame you for going, you were young, hurt, and oh so angry. If anything I should apologize for not being on your side about everything."

"Mom, it's not your fault," I sighed, I never blamed my mom for anything. I knew why she took my Dad's side on everything, they were a unit, it was them against the world. I could only hope that one day I find someone to be like that with. "You stood with dad like you should have, I can't blame you for that."

"Well I should have told him to back off," she huffed. "Plus once everything came out about what happened with Eli and Char, then we really understood where your anger was coming from, but by then it was to late, you were already gone."

Crap, now she was crying again. I hated the fact that my stupidity made her cry.

"Mom, please don't cry," I begged pulling her into my arms and hugging her tightly. "I hate the pain that I have caused you."

"I'm not crying because of that," she sobbed. "I just missed you so much, it is like I'm in a dream because I get to see you and hold you again, but then part of me feels like I'm in a nightmare, because I had to lose one son to get the other one back. And then I feel guilty for feeling that way."

"Oh mom," I breathed into her hair. She may not realize it but it is my fault that she feels that way, I should have come home along time ago. Maybe if I had Eli wouldn't be dead, maybe I would have had another chance to tell my brother that I love him. "Don't feel like that, you have nothing to feel guilty about, if anyone is guilty it is me. I should have come home along time ago, It shouldn't have been because of this."

"Aren't we pair?" She chuckled sadly.

"That we are," I agreed. I spent the next twenty minutes just holding her, she rested her head on my chest, her pressed against my heart.

We joined everyone, with the exception of Charlotte as she was 'resting', in the dining room for dinner. Bella had some how made a huge pot of ham and cabbage soup. It was fucking delicious.

"This is amazing," I moaned in between bites.

"Of course it is," my cousin Emmett boomed out. I swear that guy only has two volume settings louder and even fucking louder. "Bella here is a chef after all."

I looked at her in confusion, I thought that she a therapist; like Eli. She had never told me that, but I just assumed since she was in his classes, she had majored the same.

"What's that look for, Edward?" She asked, amusement in her tone.

"Sorry, I guess I just thought that you were also a therapist," I explained

"Oh I was," she started but then her face twisted in sadness, whatever she was thinking of wasn't pleasant.

"Are you okay?" I asked taking her hand into mine, completely forgetting that we were at the table with all of my family members.

"Sorry," she whispered. "It's just that Eli was the one who talked me into cooking."

A sad smile appeared on her face. "You see, I always thought that I wanted to become a therapist, it was my dream from the time I was very little. But once we were out there in the "real world" I hated it. It was depressing and I found that I couldn't handle it. One night I broke down to Eli; telling him how I was feeling. That's when he recommended that I find something that I truly loved to do. Well cooking was it, I took classes and the rest is history."

I stared at this girl in amazement, she was so brave, giving up her college training to do something else. Most people wouldn't have the guts to walk away like that.

"That was brave of you," I said squeezing her hand.

"I couldn't have done it without Eli," She whispered.

Before I could say anything else, a bitter voice interrupted us from the entry way. "So is this where you finally admit that you were in love with my husband?"

**Yes that is where I am leaving it. I know so mean of me!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as always please review and let me know what you think!!**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	5. Chapter 5

**Here you guys go! I want to thank all of my lovely readers and reviewers; you guys rock my socks!**

**I have to give a big thank you to my beta Cheshirekat516. She has the lovely job of fixing all my grammatical mistakes…..and the makes her awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to both movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.**

Last Chapter:

I stared at this girl in amazement; she was so brave, giving up her college training to do something else. Most people wouldn't have the guts to walk away like that.

"That was brave of you," I said squeezing her hand.

"I couldn't have done it without Eli," She whispered.

Before I could say anything else, a bitter voice interrupted us from the entry way.

"So is this where you finally admit that you are in love with my husband?"

"Excuse me," Bella choked out, her spoon falling out of her hand and clanging against her bowl.

"I said, is this where you admit you are in love with Eli," Charlotte repeated.

"I don't think that this is the appropriate time to have this discussion," my mom said firmly.

"I think that it is. I think that I have the right to know if she was fucking my husband," Charlotte bit out harshly.

Bella looked to be in shock, her chest heaving up and down in exertion.

"That's enough Charlotte," I said sternly.

"Oh what she's fucking you now too," she turned her deadly blue eyes on me.

"I said that is enough," I yelled at her, slamming my fists onto the table.

Charlotte visibly flinched. "I guess that's answer enough for me," she sneered. "Couldn't have one brother, so you settled for the other."

I felt Bella stiffen next to me and I chanced a quick glance at her. Her chocolate eyes were glassy with tears, her chin was quivering. A feeling of protectiveness washed over me stronger then I had ever felt before.

Before I had a chance to defend Bella, she stood up slowly and faced Charlotte.

"You know Charlotte, that's really rich coming from you. I'm sorry that you lost Eli, especially in your condition, but that doesn't give you the right to come in here and sling mud. I have never been in love with Eli, I never looked at him as anything other then my best friend, the fact that you can't or won't see that, just shows how self centered you are. Eli died," Her voice cracked and tears started sliding down her face. "And all you can do is come in her and accuse me of being in love with him and also have the audacity to imply that I am now sleeping with his brother, whom I just met today! Maybe this is how you deal with your grief, but it is not acceptable. You should apologize to everyone here, for being so damn disrespectful."

She stopped her rant for a minute and turned to face the rest of the table, "Now if you all will excuse me, I have to go," she pushed away from the table and was out the door, pushing past a shocked Charlotte, before I could move.

"Fuck," I exclaimed loudly jumping up from my seat, with every intention of chasing after her.

"I'm so sorry," Charlotte starting blubbering from the doorway. "I just…."

"You just what Char?" I asked condescendingly "Seriously!"

"Please Edward," she begged, walking into the room and stopping right in front of me.

"I shouldn't have said that, but you weren't there, you didn't see the two of them together."

"No I wasn't," I said coldly. "I wonder whose fault that was. I am going to go after her."

"Just let her go," Charlotte protested. "She doesn't belong here anyways."

My father finally decided to enter the conversation. "Charlotte, that's enough. Bella is welcome here, just as much as anyone else. She was very important to Eli and to act like she wasn't is a lie. So I suggest that you wrangle yourself in when she is around."

I gave my dad an appreciative look. I knew that he wasn't doing anything for me directly; but the fact that he was willing to stand up for Bella spoke to my soul.

"This is ridiculous. I can't believe that you all are taking that little slut's side in all of this," Charlotte protested loudly, she was almost vibrating with anger.

"You need to calm down, Char. It's not good for the baby to get all worked up," My dad said, walking over and leading her to a chair.

I'd had enough of her drama queen show, and I'm sure that I had missed Bella by standing here and listening to this bullshit.

"I'm going to see if I can still catch her," I said to no one in general.

"Edward," Charlotte called out as I was stepping out of the room.

"Yes," I said through gritted teeth.

"Would you please stay," she asked sweetly, turning her blue eyes on me. She gave the same face that she use to when we were younger and she wanted to get her way…it didn't work on me anymore.

"What?"

"I was hoping that we could spend some time together and catch up. I guess I thought that's what you would want."

I stared at her like she was delusional. She honestly thought that I would want to spend time with her….catching up? I rather push pins under my finger nails.

"Why would I want that?" I asked sharply.

"Well, because you know…we use to be so close," Then she had the audacity to bat her fucking eyelashes at me. I looked at my dad, trying to express my concern to him. She must be cracking. He gave me a quick nod.

"Char, why don't we get you to lay down again, you must be very tired," he asked gently, using his best doctor voice.

"Will you lay down with me Edward?" She asked, giving me a small smile.

I bit my tongue, I knew that she was acting out in grief, she had to be. No normal person would be hitting on their dead husband's brother; but then again Charlotte was never normal.

"I don't think that would be good idea," my dad filled in for me since I was stunned into silence. "Edward has things that he needs to be doing."

"Okay," she murmured. She looked exhausted. "Maybe later."

"Yes, maybe later," my dad said, his voice sounded like he was talking to a child.

I just rolled my eyes, I may feel a little bad for her, but there was no way in hell that I was going to lay down with her later.

I spun around on my heel and left the scene in the dining room behind me. I rushed to the front door and prayed that Bella was still here, even though it was very unlikely. I stepped out from under the safety of the porch into the drizzling rain. My eyes took a minute to adjust to the darkness, fuck I forgot how dark it was here. New York was never dark, not even at night. The city lights made it impossible for it to be.

Once my eyes were adjusted I quickly surveyed the cars in the driveway. I knew that the first two black sedans were my families' rentals. The huge SUV must belong to Emmett, finally my eyes rested on an old, red, beat up Chevy truck. I wouldn't have guessed it was hers if she wasn't sitting in the driver's seat, shaking with sobs.

I ran through the rain and yanked her truck door open.

"Edward," she gasped out.

"Are you okay?" I asked immediately.

"I'm fine," she said through her tears.

"You look fine," I said sarcastically. "Scoot over."

"Why?"

"Because I'm getting drenched out here," I explained. No need to tell her that I just really wanted to be close to her.

"No, sorry, I meant why are you out here?" she said, not moving an inch.

"I was worried about you. Charlotte was out of line. Now scoot."

She scooted over quickly and I pulled myself up into her truck. I pulled the creaking door shut behind me.

Thankfully she had the heater going full blast; my shirt was thoroughly soaked by the impromptu shower I was just in.

"I'm sorry that she treated you that way, honey," I said pulling her shaking frame into the side of my body. She buried her head into my side.

"It's not anything that she hasn't said before," she mumbled against my shirt.

"Well it was still uncalled for, especially given the situation," I said.

"I know," she blubbered.

"Honey, please don't let it get you so upset," I said as I stroked her hair, it was the softest hair that I have ever felt, I though to myself. "She is not worth it."

"I'm not upset because of her per say, or even what she had to say. It's just that, I thought given everything that has happened that she could act like an adult. This is the shit that upset Eli all the time. I guess it's the fact the she couldn't just drop it for a couple of days upset me. She made me feel guilty for being here, for wanting to be here," she said in a rush, her sobs picking up again.

"You have every right to be here, Bella," I said sternly "Everyone else in that room agrees with that."

"I know."

"Well then why leave?"

"This is her family, she is a Cullen and I didn't want to intrude," she said, pulling her face out of my side and looking up at me.

"Well I happen to be a Cullen too and these people are more my family, more Eli's family and we want you here. So no running away," I said, flashing a crooked smile.

She blushed suddenly, tucking her head back into my side again.

"I guess I should add no hiding to that statement, but I'm kind of enjoying you buried in my side," I joked, hoping to lighten her mood.

She pulled away from me; even in the dark I knew that her face was flaming red.

"Hey, I said I liked that," I pulled her back into my side.

"I just don't want to over step some boundaries," She said, lifting her head and looking at me.

"What boundaries?"

"You know, when I go from being your brother's best friend to being the crazy girl that won't leave your side," she said, trying to make it sound like a joke, but I knew better, she was being serious.

"Well you are no where close to being crazy, you want crazy you should have stayed in the dining room,"

"Why?" She asked settling back into my side.

"Charlotte actually asked me to stay and catch up with her and then she wanted me to lay down with her. Now that is what I call crazy," I said.

"Or sad," she added.

"That too," I said.

"Why would she think that you would lay down with her? Does she not remember everything that she put you through?" she asked.

"I guess not or maybe she doesn't think that it was that big of a deal."

"How could she not think it was a big deal, she tore you and your brother apart because she was selfish," she said, her voice rising slightly in anger.

"She wasn't alone in her actions," I said sadly, I didn't want to talk about this right now. It was weird, part of me felt guilty for being mad at Eli still, but the other part of me, the part that hated my brother for the last ten years just couldn't let go… not yet. It was something that I was going to have to work on. Maybe it was time to go back to my therapist.

"That's true," she said thoughtfully. "But still, how could she think that you would want to spend any time with her?"

"I don't think it was me that she wanted to spend time with; I think it was my body, my face. I honestly think that she wanted to pretend that I was Eli for a while," I tried to explain what I thought was going on.

"I guess that makes sense. She must be drowning right now." Her tone was softer, almost like she was feeling bad for Char.

"I think so, thankfully my Dad took control of the situation. He talked her into lying down and resting, I just hope all of this stress doesn't hurt the baby. It's the only thing of Eli's we have left."

"I know, I was thinking the same thing. I hope that she will at least let me see the baby every once in a while. Eli was so excited about being a dad, it was all he talked about," she said sadly.

"I will make sure that you are apart of his life, I promise," I said truthfully, pulling her closer to me.

I really didn't know how I was going to hold up that promise, but I would figure it out, even if it meant talking to Charlotte.

"Thank you," She said softly.

"You're very welcome, now lets get back inside. My family is probably wondering where we are"

"Okay" she said.

I opened the creaking door and slid out. Taking her hand, I helped her out of the dry truck and into the pouring rain. We made a run for the door, holding hands and slipping and sliding through the mud. I couldn't get enough of this girl.

When we reached the porch, I stopped her from entering the door. She was standing in front of me, her chest heaving up down from running, her brown hair plastered to her head, the little make up that she had been wearing was gone and with all of that I was pretty sure that I had never seen anything so beautiful.

Before I could stop and think, I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers.

**Reviewers get a teaser!**

**Yes that is where I am leaving it. I know so mean of me! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as always please review and let me know what you think!**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here you guys go! I want to thank all of my lovely readers and reviewers; you guys rock my socks!**

**I have to give a big thank you to my beta Cheshirekat516. She has the lovely job of fixing all my grammatical mistakes…..and the makes her awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to both movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.**

Last Chapter:

Before I could stop and think, I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers.

The moment my lips met hers I was done for. This felt like a moment that I had been waiting my whole life for. There were fireworks and sparks, everything that you had ever read that was supposed to happen and that was at just the initial contact.

I took her not pulling away as the go ahead to continue, though her lips stayed against mine unmoving at first. I slid my tongue out, brushing it against her bottom lip, coaxing some movement out of her. The feel of my tongue against her must have snapped her out of her trance. Her lips started to move, softly at first; then with a hint of franticness.

Her mouth opened, inviting my probing tongue inside. She tasted like strawberries and mint. Delicious. I groaned into her mouth at the taste of her, which in turn caused her to whimper.

I needed to stop, if I didn't now I was worried that I would take this too far, I didn't want to scare her away. I pulled away gently, placing a few more soft kisses against her petal soft lips.

"Should I apologize?" I asked softly, my lips still touching hers' slightly.

"For?" Her voice was breathy.

"Kissing you."

"Are you sorry?" She asked pulling away, hurt showing in her eyes.

"Not at all," I reassured her.

"Good, neither am I."

I smiled at her and raised the hand that I was holding to my lips and pressing kisses to knuckles.

"We should go in," I finally said, not really wanting to.

"Yeah."

"Okay," I sighed.

We made our way back into the house in a comfortable silence, my hand still clutching hers, I wasn't letting go until I had too.

"Edward?" My dad's voice called me from the sitting room.

"Yeah," I answered him, steeping into the darkened room, Bella right behind me.

"I see you caught Bella in time."

"Yes, thankfully," I said, squeezing her hand in mine. I chanced a quick look at her, her cheeks were stained red, I am sure thinking of why I had said thankfully.

My Dad sat there silently watching our exchange; a knowing look lightened his eyes.

"You know she's not going to run away again, you don't need to have a death grip on her hand," He said chuckling.

"Well you never know," I joined in on his humor. "I wouldn't want to have to run back out into the rain, one impromptu shower is enough for today."

"Hey!" Bella exclaimed, slapping me lightly on the chest with her free hand.

"Sorry, Honey," I said to her sweetly, raising our entwined hands to my mouth and pressed soft kisses to her palm.

Her soft laughter mixed with my dad's chuckles caused a reaction in me that I wasn't expecting; but should have seen coming.

Here I was laughing and joking with my Dad and a very beautiful girl, when it snapped back into my brain why I was back in this house in the first place. Eli. He was dead and I was here, trying to make the move on his best friend. My stomach turned violently, causing me to drop Bella's hand and step away from quickly.

"Edward?" She asked, taking a small step towards me, reaching her hand to mine.

"Edward?" My Dad seconded her, when I failed to answer.

My heart was beating out of my chest; I could feel the food I had eaten from dinner churning restlessly in my stomach. I needed to get out of here, before I said or did anything that I would regret.

I felt her soft hand touch my arm, jolting me back to reality.

"I have to go," I managed to stammer out, yanking my arm back and running out of the room like the devil himself was chasing me.

I heard Bella's soft gasp behind me, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to see her hurt eyes asking me questions that I had no answer for.

I didn't stop until I was in the safety of my childhood bedroom. I bypassed the bed and the couch, yanking open my, thankfully, private bathroom. I barley reached the toilet in time, I heaved up everything that I had eaten in the last few hours.

I don't know how long I was there, head in the toilet, staying there long after I had choked everything up. Once the heaving ended, the tears started. My brother would never laugh again, he would never cry, never smile, he was gone.

_Why? _

He didn't deserve this fate, he may have done some regrettable things in life, but nothing to deserve to die the way he did.

I was sobbing so hard that I didn't hear anyone enter the room with me, not noticing them until I felt a strong hand come to rest on my back. I shot up quickly, coming face to face with my Dad.

"Oh, Edward," He sighed pulling me into him and wrapping his arms around me. "Let it out."

I sobbed heavily into his shirt, my legs eventually giving out in exhaustion, causing my dad and me to sink to the floor, but his arms never faltered; holding me tight to him.

I don't know how long we sat there on the cold tile floor, my Dad rocking me as I let everything out.

"Dad," I finally managed to croak out.

"Yes, Son?"

I pulled myself away from him, scrubbing my face with my hands, and then running a hand through my already messy hair. I turned my face to him and was taken back by what I saw.

This man sitting here was not the man that I had grown up with, this man was broken. His grayish, blonde hair was a mess, his blue eyes were red and puffy, and his shoulders were slumped in defeat.

"Edward, are you okay?" He asked, probably thinking that I had had lost it with the way I was sitting there and staring at him.

"Yeah, sorry, just got lost in thought," I muttered. "I just wanted to thank you."

"Oh, Son," He said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder pulling back into his side. "One day when you have kids you'll understand this, you can tell when your child is about to lose it and you don't have any choice but to hold them together."

We sat there in a comfortable silence for a moment, me leaning on my Dad in support. I felt like an ass now, for rushing out of the room the way I did. Bella must thing that I am a nut job and that I regret what happened with her.

That thought caused my heart to hurt; I never wanted her to feel like she was a regret.

"Is Bella okay?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly.

"She's fine, Edward. She caught your mood shift and figured that you needed a moment to yourself, you have to remember that she studied to be a therapist, she understands more then you think," He explained.

"I guess I just don't want her to take anything personal." I said as a huge yawn overtook me.

"She didn't," He said in a firm tone. "But you need to get some sleep."

"I agree," I said as I pulled myself up off the floor, sticking my hand out to help haul my Dad up.

"Thanks," He said with a chuckle. "It's hard for an old man to get up off the floor."

"You're not old, Dad," I told him, patting his back affectionately.

"Uh huh," He said with a smile. "Do you need anything to help you sleep?'

I looked at my Dad in shock; he was never one to offer up medication unless it was truly needed.

Catching the look on my face caused him to explain his self. "I don't normally condone the use of medication, unless needed, but I think that it made be called for in the situation. You're exhausted, son, I just want you to get a restful night sleep."

"Thank you, Dad, but I think I will be fine," I said after a minute. "I'll let you know if that changes."

"Okay, Son," He said as he made his way out of my room.

"Oh," He said, popping his head back into my room. "I put Bella in the yellow guest room. Just thought you would like to know."

I gave him a confused look.

"I just didn't want you to think that she ran off again," He offered with a wink and then slipped quietly back into the hall shutting my door behind him.

Chuckling, I pulled out a pair of hunter green, plaid pajama pants and a white wife beater and got dressed for bed. After brushing my teeth and running a cold cloth over my face, I crawled under the covers.

I don't know how long I laid there, unable to grasp the sleep that has chosen to elude me. My body was tired but my brain was still running on high. Now that the guilt that I was feeling had dissipated, I was now feeling bad about something else; running out and leaving Bella that way.

No matter what my Dad said, I was worried that she had taken me freaking out personally. I finally decided that sleep wasn't going to come until I talked to her and saw with my own eyes that we were okay.

I stepped out of my room on silent feet, creeping down the stairs. I was glad that I could still find my way in the dark in this house, it must be like riding a bike; you never forget how to do it.

I found her room easily enough; I knocked softly on the door. When she didn't answer right away I was worried that she was already asleep. Just as I was about to give up and go back to my room, her door creaked open and her face peeked out.

"Edward?" She asked in surprise, her eyes taking in my pajamas.

"Hey," I said awkwardly, my left coming up and rubbing the back of my neck.

"You okay?" She opened the door wider, my eyes about fell out of head taking in her long creamy legs. She was wearing her pajama's also, a pair of short blue shorts and a white tank top. For a minute I had forgotten why I was here and all I wanted to do was run my hand up and down those legs, taking my time to kiss the creases of her knee's and nip at her ankles.

The sound of her clearing her throat snapped me back to reality. My eyes quickly found her face and I relaxed once I saw her amused expression.

"Did you need something, Edward?"

_Umm…yeah, your mouth on mine again. Then maybe some time with your legs._

But instead of saying that, I mumbled out that I wanted to apologize.

"What for?" She asked once I finished.

"For earlier, you know, running out on you and my Dad," I explained.

"Edward," She sighed as she leaned up against the door frame. "You just lost your brother, it is understandable that you would be upset and that it would hit at moments that you wouldn't it think it would. This is something that is going to happen it for a while, its called survivor guilt."

"Even though you weren't in the wreck with him, being his twin you will suffer more because of the bond you share."

What she was saying made sense. It would explain why I felt guilty about living, while Eli won't anymore.

"I think you're right," I admitted.

"Of course I am," She joked.

"So we're good then?" I asked, still unsure how she felt.

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"Well, you know, with everything that happened on the porch and then my freaking out, I didn't know if I had scared you off yet." I tried to explain what I was feeling.

She reached out and grasped my hand with hers, pulling me closer to her. Once our bodies were almost touching, she answered me. "I already told you that I didn't regret what happened earlier. I don't want to freak you out but I feel something for you that I have never felt for anyone before."

I stared at her in amazement for a moment. I knew exactly what she was saying, I felt the same way.

I lifted my free hand to her cheek, letting my fingers stroke her face softly.

"I feel the same way," I admitted.

Her face broke out in a huge smile, causing her brown eyes to burst into life. I couldn't help myself again. My mouth was on hers before she had a chance to say anything. Thankfully this time I didn't have to coax a reaction out of her. Her lips moved in a perfect time with mine. I deepened the kiss, running my tongue along her lips. She opened her mouth inviting me inside.

I wrapped my arms around her, crushing her tiny frame to me. This move caused her to moan loudly. That sound jolted me back to reality and where exactly we were standing. I really didn't want my Mom to catch making out in the hallway like a fifteen year old boy.

I pulled away slightly, easing the kiss into soft pecks and then finally pulling all the away.

"That was nice," She remarked with a blush.

"It was more then nice," I countered. "But as much as I would love to stand here and kiss you senseless, I really don't want my Gran seeing me like this."

She shot a look down at my obvious erection that was nestled between us, causing her to break out into another full body blush.

"Yeah, that would be bad," She agreed.

"I guess I'll see you in the morning?"

"I'll be the one in the kitchen cooking breakfast," She joked.

"Hmmm….sounds good already," It really did, thoughts of Bella in my kitchen in nothing but an apron, sounds like the best breakfast ever.

Not being able to stop it, I let a huge yawn, my body reminding me that I was extremely tired.

"Okay, Sleepy head, off to bed with you," She said, patting me gently on the bottom.

"Fine," I huffed in fake defiance. "Good night."

I leant down and pressed soft kisses against her lips and then against her cheeks, her nose, her eyes, then her forehead. I lingered there for a beat longer, taking in her heavenly scent.

"Stop smelling me and go to bed." She reprimanded me.

"Well, don't smell so good." I countered.

"I'll see what I can do about that."

"Please don't," I begged lightly.

"Okay, then go to bed," She said smiling at me, her eyes twinkling in amusement.

I pressed one more kiss to the top of her head and turned to go. I felt her watching me as I maneuvered through the dark hall way, when I reached the stairs I heard her door softly shut.

I climbed the stairs to my room two at a time; almost care free in my movements.

Once I was back in the comfort of my room, I flopped down on my bed. I thought about Bella and how I wished that I could have known her before now, how I wished that Eli had gotten a chance to introduce us.

_Would he be happy with my interest in her? Would he approve? _I hoped so.

Thinking of Eli drew me to the thoughts that tomorrow I would need to sit down with my parents and iron out the details for Eli's service.

It wasn't something that I was looking forward to doing. _Duh! _But it had to be done, I didn't want it to fall on my parents to plan everything, I would do whatever they needed me to do, no matter how hard it was to do it.

**Reviewers get a teaser!**

**Whew! That one was an emotional one, but sadly it will stay that way for awhile, given the situation they are in.**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the late update, writers block sucks a big one! I want to thank all of my lovely readers and reviewers; you guys rock my socks!**

**I am looking for a Beta, so if you are one or know someone who would be interested in doing it, let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to both movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.**

Last Chapter:

Thinking of Eli drew me to the thoughts that tomorrow I would need to sit down with my parents and iron out the details for Eli's service.

It wasn't something that I was looking forward to doing. _Duh! _But it had to be done, I didn't want it to fall on my parents to plan everything, I would do whatever they needed me to do, no matter how hard it was to do it.

*****************************************************************************TOT***********************************************************************************************************

I slept peacefully until two o'clock in the morning, a sound outside my bedroom door drew me out of my dreamless sleep.

The creaking sound made me shot straight up in bed. My heart thumping uncontrollably. It took me a minute to remember that I wasn't in my apartment back in New York, but in my childhood bedroom, someone was not trying to break in and rob me.

I flopped back onto my bed, letting my heart have a chance to settle. I tried with all my might to go back to sleep, but it now evaded me. Rolling over, I punched my fist into my pillow, hoping that it would make it magically more comfortable and bring about the sleep that I needed.

After twenty minutes of turning this way and that, I finally gave up and decided to go raid my Dad's office for some alcohol.

I crept silently out of my room into the empty hall. I had a weird feeling that I was being watched, but quickly shrugged it off as me being paranoid and sleep deprived.

I silently found my way down to the first floor and slipped into my Dad's office, I forego turning on the light settling for his desk lamp.

After finding an aged bottle of scotch, I flopped down onto the leather couch that lined one wall of the room.

Cracking the bottle open, I tilted it back, letting the smooth liquid burn a path down my throat. I savored the burn; it reminded me that I was still alive.

I don't know how long I sat there, nursing that bottle of scotch, but once my vision starting getting hazy around the edges, I decided that it was time to seek out slumber again.

I slid the bottle back into my dad's hiding place and silently stole my way back up to the third floor.

I noticed at once that my bedroom door was open; I thought that I had shut it, it was a force of habit from when I was a teenager, and I never left my room open.

_Must be more tired then I thought._

I walked into my darkened room, not bothering to turn on the light and shut the door behind me. I was so ready to slid back into bed, my body hadn't felt this relaxed since I found out Eli had died.

_Stop, you go down that train of thoughts and you'll lose whatever rest you're hoping to find._

I slid into my bed, stretching out; my hand encountered something soft and warm snuggled under the covers on the other side of my bed.

Bella.

She must have come up here when I was downstairs. That was why my door was open; I knew that I wasn't going crazy. It was too dark in my room to see if she was sleeping, I could only tell that she was laying on her side, with her back to me.

I almost didn't say anything, not wanting to wake her up if she was sleeping. I knew for a fact how hard it was to find rest right now. Finally I couldn't help myself; if she was here then I wanted her in my arms.

"Bella?" I whispered into the darkness, running my hand down the length of her body. I realized then that something was off, this body was too soft and too round to be Bella.

"So you are fucking that tramp," Charlotte's voice cut into the darkness.

"What the fuck are you doing in my bed, Charlotte?" I yelped, shooting out of bed, in my haste I crashed into my night stand causing everything to tumble to the floor loudly.

"How could you do this to me, Eddie?" She whined out into the never ending darkness. It was that question that took me back to a different time, but a very familiar situation.

_Graduation was a week ago and I was officially a free man, having turned eighteen three days ago. I was on cloud nine; I was young, in love, and about to ask my girlfriend a very important question._

_I rushed over to Charlotte's house in my brand new car, a shiny silver Volvo that my parents bought me for graduation. My dad, in his all knowing cleverness, decided to buy Eli and I updated versions of the car's we argued over that day when we were sixteen._

_I pulled up into Char's driveway noting, thankfully, that her parents seemed to be gone. Everything was going according to plan._

_Before I exited my vehicle, I reached into my jacket pocket to make sure the box that placed into it was still there. I pulled it out to check, hoping that it would help calm my nerves. I had many things to do today and giving this promise ring to Charlotte was just the first on the list._

_Second was to tell my parents that I wasn't going to attend Harvard to study medicine, that I had been accepted to Julliard and I was going to there and follow my dream of playing the piano professional._

_I hoped that parents would support me no matter what path I chose._

_Now I just had to go put this ring on my love's finger and then I would whisk her off to New York with me, I had it all planned out. We would live in a shit hole apartment, barley affording to buy macaroni. I would play the piano to her at night, while she was studying for school. It would be perfect._

_I knew that people would think that we were too young for this step and that was honestly why I chose a promise ring instead of an engagement ring that would come later, when we were truly secure in our future._

_I crept into her house, not bothering to knock; I never did. All was quiet, she didn't seem to be anywhere downstairs, after double checking the kitchen and the bathroom, I ascended the stairs, figuring she was in her room._

_I pulled out the ring box again, stroking it my fingers, trying to tame the butterflies that had taken up residence in my stomach._

_A strange noise coming from Char's room stopped me short; it was a low sounding moan. Oh no, I hope she wasn't sick, it would bode well for my plans. I rushed the last few steps to her room; if she wasn't feeling well then I wanted to be there to hold her until she was better._

_I pushed her door open quietly, not wanting to disturb her if by some chance she was asleep._

_She wasn't_

_The sight that met me was one that I would never forget. Charlotte was sprawled out on her bed, butt naked, with a man in-between her spread legs, his naked hips were pounding into hers frantically._

_I think that I gasped; I had to of, because suddenly everything stopped. The man, whose head and face was still hidden in Char's neck, stopped moving and her head snapped up, her dewy blue eyes met mine._

"_Eddie?" She gasped out in shock._

_I felt the small, velvet box drop from my hand, thumping loudly on her wooden floor. I couldn't comprehend what was happening before me; I thought that we were happy. Crap, just last night I had been in that same position with her. That thought caused my stomach to roll. I took a deep breath through my nose, trying desperately to keep the contents of my stomach in my stomach._

"_Eddie?" She said again, pushing gently at the bastards shoulders that were holding her down. He didn't seem to want to move or show his face. Fucking coward._

_I charged forward then, intent on ripping him off of top of her and then beating the ever living crap out of him._

_Charlotte gasped loudly, as my hands came in contact with the bastard and I shoved him roughly off the bed. He fell to the ground on the opposite side loudly and with a groan. A groan that sounded oddly familiar._

_Before I could move to him, Char having wrapped a sheet around herself, shoot up and grabbed my shoulders._

"_Eddie, please go downstairs, I will be down in a minute," She begged. Fuck that, I was going to finish what I started._

"_Get your fucking hands off of me, now!" I said in a low and menacing voice. Her touch was disgusting me, causing me to feel sick again._

"_Edward, please just give me a minute," She tried again, dropping her hands._

"_I don't fucking think so," I started but was quickly cut off, when the man finally decided to show himself._

_I wasn't anywhere prepared for who it was though._

_My brother._

_He stood up, naked still, meeting me face on. Me on one side of the bed, him on the other, and a trembling Charlotte in between us._

"_Eli!" I gasped out, my whole body flinching backwards, like I had been slapped._

"_Edward, please just let me explain," He begged, while reaching down onto the floor to grab his boxers and then he pulled them on. Like covering up would some how make the situation better?_

_I looked wildly between the two, I didn't understand. How could they, my brother. He knew everything about how I felt, crap he was with me when I picked out the fucking promise ring._

"_Explain what Eli? How it came to be that you are fucking my girl?" I shouted. "How could you do this to me, Eli?" "I love her," He whispered, then he dropped his head down._

"_You love her? You fucking love her? I've been with her for over two years, I fucking loved her!" I shouted, my body quivering with rage._

"_Eddie, please calm down," Char said, her voice trembling._

"_Don't fucking call me that," I bellowed. I hated that nickname and she knew it._

_I flung myself across the bed, barley missing charlotte as she ducked out of the way, and slammed roughly into Eli's body. My fist was slamming into his face before we even hit the floor. He didn't fight back; I continued hitting him, until I felt Char trying to pull me off._

_I stopped and looked at Eli's bloody face. I felt no remorse for hitting him, I almost wanted to continue. But he wasn't worth it._

_I knew then that I needed to get out, out of this house, out this town, fuck out of this state._

_I shoved myself off of him, striding back to where I had dropped the ring box. Picking it up, I spun around to face the two of them._

_Eli was now sitting with Charlotte wrapped around him crying._

"_You are both dead to me," I seethed. I then made eye contact with my brother. "I hate your guts; I hope to never see your face again."_

_And with that I chucked the ring box as hard as I could against the far wall, not waiting to watch it fall._

"Edward?" A voice called out to me, pulling me from my memories. "You there son?"

"I think he is in shock," I finally realized that it was my dad's voice trying to reach me.

"Dad?" I asked, blinking in surprise at the bright light that lit of my room. I then noticed that I was lying on my leather couch, instead of standing next to my bed. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure, son. I heard a loud thunk come from your room, so I rushed up here to find you catatonic on the floor and a hysterical Charlotte in your bed." He explained.

My eye's jumped to my bed; she was thankfully no longer there.

"Don't worry I had your mom get her back to her room. She is with her now, trying to help her calm down," He answered my unspoken question.

"I went downstairs for a strong drink and she was in my bed when I returned."

"I figured it was something like that. But that doesn't explain what caused you to go catatonic," He probed.

I took a deep breath, I guess I was going to have to explain myself.

"I know that this is going to sound crazy, maybe I am but something she said caused me to flash back to the day that I found her and Eli together. I didn't realize that I had even blacked out." God, I really hoped that I wasn't going crazy.

"You're not going crazy, son. Your body is dealing with a lot of stress right now, it is completely understandable that something like this would happen given the situation and the fact that you had some alcohol in your system," He explained in his best doctor's voice.

"Yeah, I guess," I muttered uncertainly.

Dad slapped my shoulder before he pushed himself off the couch. "I think you need to get some sleep."

"I should try," I admitted, I was thoroughly exhausted by this point. I felt like this night was never going to end.

"See you in the morning," He said once he reached my door. "Oh, and Edward?"

"Yeah," I answered, climbing off the couch, intent on collapsing on my bed.

"Maybe you should lock your door," He said with a teasing glint in his eye.

**Reviewers get a teaser!**

**Charlotte is one crazy Bitch. Let me know what you thought about everything, I love your guy's reviews!**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the epic failure on updating. One of my best friends lost her fiancé is a accident. The hurt I feel for her loss caused me to have to set everything else aside for a little but, but no worries everyone, I am back and channeling my feelings into my fics!**

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers-you guys are awesome!**

**I am looking for a Beta, so if you are one or know someone who would be interested in doing it, let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to both movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight and New Moon.**

Last Chapter:

Dad slapped my shoulder before he pushed himself off the couch. "I think you need to get some sleep."

"I should try," I admitted, I was thoroughly exhausted by this point. I felt like this night was never going to end.

"See you in the morning," He said once he reached my door. "Oh, and Edward?"

"Yeah," I answered, climbing off the couch, intent on collapsing on my bed.

"Maybe you should lock your door," He said with a teasing glint in his eye.

*TOT*

I woke the following morning to grayish light filling my room, with a groan I rolled over, pulling my pillow over my face in the process.

I wasn't ready to be awake, I felt like I only had a couple hours of sleep, which is very likely to be true.

Last night's activities came back to me then; my head spun thinking about what was going on with Charlotte. It was something that I needed to speak to my dad about. I was really starting to get worried about her. There was more going on there then just grieving; she was becoming delusional, projecting some sort of relationship on to me.

Char may be many things, manipulative, bitchy, sneaky, but she is not crazy. At least the girl I use to know wasn't.

Having relived the memory of what happened that day had caused the box that I had kept shut tightly to open back up. Everything good about Charlotte was in that box. All the fun times, the loving times, they were back in full force. Not the feelings of course, those were long gone; fleeing the moment I saw Eli nestled between her thighs, but everything that I had spent years trying to convince myself didn't exist was back. Her smiling at me the day I asked her on a date, her laughter when I would chase her around the yard, and finally her voice when she would declare her love for me.

I don't know how we got there; it was something that I wanted answered. She and I had been so happy. She never gave me the impression that she wasn't fully invested in our relationship.

Even Eli didn't give of any weird vibes. Even when he had broken things off with his long time girlfriend, Kate, I thought it was because he felt like they wanted different things in life, now having my eyes open, I realize that there were small things that I had never picked up on.

How Eli wanted to hang out with Char and me all the time. Even planning double dates, before he and Kate split. How he went out of his way to buy her gifts for her birthday and Christmas, I thought it was because he looked at her like a sister.

But I guess whatever the reasons; maybe it was for the best. Charlotte was obviously not the person I thought she was and maybe I had dodged a bullet. Plus I would have never met Bella or I would have but it would have been just like her and Eli; best buds.

The thought of that made me cringe, even though I had only known her for a few days, the thought of not being able to hold her and kiss her caused an ache in my chest that I couldn't explain.

The smell of fresh coffee pulled me from my thoughts. I needed some caffeine if I was going to be a functioning human being today.

I pulled myself out of the comfort of my bed and made my way downstairs. I hoped to find the kitchen vacant; I wasn't looking forward to speaking to anyone before I had my coffee.

I wasn't lucky enough for that to happen, but thankfully only my mom was present. She was digging around in the fridge, pulling out supplies for breakfast.

"Hey mom," I said, causing her to jump slightly.

"Oh, Edward, you startled me," She said, pressing her palm to her chest.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly, dropping a kiss to her messy hair…wait…messy hair.

I then noticed that I had never seen my mom look so rumpled before. Her normally perfectly coifed hair, was hanging in messy waves around her face. She had a black make up smudged around her eyes and she was still wearing her pajamas.

She must have noticed that I was staring, because one of her hands came up to pat down her hair.

"I know, I must look a mess," She said, pulling at the bottom of her sleep shirt. "I was up most of the night with Charlotte. She would wake every time I tried to leave her room. I ended up sleeping next to her."

"You look fine, mom," I reassured her. "But if you're tired maybe you should go lay down for awhile."

"We have too much going on today for that."

I had forgotten momentarily that we were going to the funeral home.

"Of course," I sighed, pouring myself a cup much needed coffee. "Where's dad?"

"He's in his office on the phone with the grief counselor from the hospital," She explained with a pained look in her eyes.

"Why?" I asked. I knew that we were grieving but I didn't think that any of us needed counseling.

"For Charlotte, he thinks that she is manifesting her grief into a dependent attachment on you. He is talking over treatments with the Dr. Banner, the grief counselor. I think that he fears that she will hurt the baby, not purposely of course, but accidentally. Your father could explain it better." She told me.

"I think that I will head up there and speak to him, I am also very worried about her. The fact that she thinks that I am something to her worries me."

"I agree. I am going to head upstairs and get ready. Bella is going to come with us to the funeral home, is that okay with you?"

_Is it okay if the one bright spot in this darkness wants to be beside me, of course? _But I don't say that, it was too soon for such declarations.

"Of course," I said instead, setting my empty cup into the dishwasher.

Once I was at my dad's office door, I knocked softly, not wanting to interrupt him if he was still on the phone.

"Come in," He called out.

I walked into the office, closing the door behind me.

"Edward," He said. "Come have a seat, son."

I folded myself into a wingback chair across from his desk.

"So mom told me that you were talking to Dr. Banner this morning," I said cutting to the chase.

"Yes, I am very worried about Charlotte. She seems to be reverting to her seventeen year old self. I didn't want to worry you last night, given the state I found you in. But when I approached Charlotte, she thought that you and she were still dating and that she was in fact seventeen. She was frantic thinking that you were cheating on her."

I must have gasped in shock at this point. Because my dad stopped talking for a second, giving me a moment to digest everything.

"Does she still think that?" I asked.

"No, I spoke with her this morning and she has no memory of last night. But that is what has me the most worried, if she thinks that she is seventeen, then she won't remember that she is pregnant, she may hurt the baby accidentally." He explained.

That makes sense; she could do a number of things to herself or the baby, not knowing the consequences.

"What do we do to fix this?" I asked.

"Well, Dr. Banner is going to come to the house later today and speak to Charlotte, but he said until he has a chance to speak to her and see how bad the damage is, we need to cater to her. If she starts getting disillusioned then we need to play along," He told me.

"So, what, I have to act like her boyfriend?" I asked in exasperation. It wasn't that I didn't want to help her, but I had to draw the line somewhere.

"You don't have to be all touchy feely with her, but don't say anything to upset her. She is in a very delicate state of mind and I am afraid that something to big could break her. If she was to find out about your break up and all that entails during one of her episodes, it could cause her great mental harm."

I hated when he made sense, I didn't want to cause her any harm. She was dealing with enough.

"When is Dr. Banner coming?" I asked hoping that he would be here sooner then later.

"Around five, he is doing this as a favor for me. He feels really bad for what happened to your brother and wants to help in any way. He said that is any of us needed to speak to someone that he would make the time to be available for that."

"Hmm…" I said I didn't need to speak to a grief counselor.

"Edward," My dad started.

"Yes?" I already knew what was coming.

"Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea for you to speak to someone, after what happened last night; you have me worried that you are repressing things. That isn't healthy."

"Dad, I already have plans to speak to my therapist when I get home." I said closing the subject.

"Okay, just as long as you speak to someone," He said. "Well I better go finish getting ready; we are supposed to be leaving in thirty minutes."

"Shit, I better get dressed," I said jumping up.

"That would probably be a good idea," My dad said chuckling. "Going around town in your pajamas would probably earn you a few odd looks."

I just laughed for a second and then hauled butt to the third floor. I took a quick shower, wanting to wash the grime from yesterday off of me. After I showered and shaved, I threw on a dark blue thermal shirt and a pair of jeans. I ran my hand through my hair a few times before giving up. I knew better then to even try to comb it that only made it more of a mess.

Once I was back downstairs, I found a nervous looking Bella camped out in the entry way. She was pacing back and forth, gnawing on her thumb nail.

"Hey," I said, walking up until I was right behind her, causing her pacing to come to a halt.

"Hi," She breathed out.

"What are you pacing for?" I asked, trailing my hand down her arm and turning her around to face me. She looked beautiful. She was wearing a deep red, v neck sweater dress and a pair of black leggings. Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail.

"Oh… That… it was nothing, just waiting for everyone," She said blushing.

"Then why are you blushing?" I teased.

"You will soon learn, Mr. Cullen, that I blush at everything," She retorted.

"Is that right?" I pulled her closer to me, her body flush with mine.

"Yes," she choked out, her skin turning an even darker shade of red.

"Hmm… I will have to keep that in mind," I whispered before leaning down and kissing her firmly.

I didn't deepen the kiss, even though I wanted to, I just kissed her chastely and then pulled away.

"Thank you for coming with us today," I said, giving her a sad grin.

"Of course."

We stood there in silence waiting for my parents. After they appeared we headed out to the cars, after debating the driving situation for a moment, it was decided that Bella would ride with me in my mom's car, while my parents rode in my dad's car.

We spent the quick ride into town talking about the restaurant Bella works at. She told me her dream of opening her own place and how she hopes to see it come to life one day. I told her about the orchestra that I played in and how much I loved what I did for a living.

Before we knew it, we were pulling into the Fork Memorial Home. After we parked and Bella started to get out, I sat paralyzed in my seat. I couldn't force myself to move. I knew that I needed to, for my parents, but I just couldn't. Eli was in there, his body waiting for the casket that we would choose today. How do I do this? How do I go in there and chose what my brother would spend the rest of eternity in.

Rationally I knew that he wasn't here anymore, that only his body was left behind, but it was still his body. My brother.

Bella must have sensed my turmoil, because she quickly shut the door and turned to me, her small, soft hand coming out to rest on my forearm.

"Hey, you okay?" She asked softly.

"No, I'm not," I answered honestly. There was no reason to lie, even if it made me look a little bit like a pussy to tell the truth.

"It's going to be okay, Edward."

"No, it's not. He is in there, waiting for us to make these decisions and I don't think I can. I need to be strong for my parents, they shouldn't have to deal with all of this, but I just can't get myself to move," I said, trying to explain what was going on in my head.

I noticed that my mom and dad were now pulled in next to us and slowly getting out of the car.

"Edward," Bella said, pulling my attention back to her. "Not all of this is your duty that is why we're here together. The four of us are going to go in there as a team and do what needs to be done. No one wants to, but this is part of death, you have to deal with it and move on."

Her voice was stern but soft and she was telling me exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't need someone to hold my hand and tell me that it was going to be okay; I needed someone to kick me in the ass and tell me the gritty truth of the situation.

And of course she was right; we are a team; her and I. Even though I know she didn't exactly mean it that way, she was my partner and I was glad to have her there.

"You're right," I finally said breaking the silence in the car. I noticed that my parents were now staring at Bella and me in interest. "We better get out there before my parents really start wondering what's going on in here."

Bella gave me a small smile and squeezed my hand one last time before she exited the car. I took one last deep breath and followed her.

**~*TOT*~**

The Forks Memorial Home was a quant brick building that wasn't too large. I held the large ornate brass door open for my parents and Bella making myself the last one to enter the building, for one second I almost turned around and darted back across the ice covered parking lot to the warmth and safety of my mom's car.

Bella must have sensed my sudden thoughts, because before I had a chance to move her tiny hand slipped into mine, causing me to keep moving forward.

I looked around the lobby, expecting to see morbid paintings and caskets all over; I was wrong. The room was painted a soft gray, with nice floral prints covering the walls. There were large vases of flowers adorning the tables and a nice couch and loveseat in the coroner by a fireplace that was a blaze.

I felt almost comfortable here. There was a tiny petit blonde woman behind the receptionist desk; her back was facing us as she dug some papers out of the filing cabinet in front of her. There was something oddly familiar about her; I just couldn't place it though.

"I'll be right with you," She called over her shoulder.

My dad made a noise in affirmation.

"Sorry about that, I was just in the middle of finding…" She said turning around. She gasped loudly when she was facing us, not finishing whatever she was saying.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cullen," She said in a sad voice.

I stared at her for a minute, trying to place were I knew her from. Then it hit me, it was Eli's high school sweetheart, Kate. She was the one that Eli dumped for Charlotte. Expect at the time, I thought it was because he felt they were drifting apart anyways.

"Kate," My mom greeted her, walking around the desk and hugging her.

"I'm so sorry," I heard her whisper against my mom's shoulder.

"I know."

We all stood there awkwardly while my mom and Kate had their moment. I should have figured that something like this would happen, Forks isn't a huge town, of course someone close to the family would work here.

Once they pulled apart, Kate hugged my dad tightly. Also giving him her condolences. I felt Bella lean closer to, her mouth coming within inches of my ear.

"Is this Eli's high school sweetheart Kate?" She asked in confusion.

"Yes, how do you know about her?" I murmured back.

"I know a lot of things."

She leaned away then, but kept her hand securely in mine. I noticed then that Kate had turned her watery blue eyes onto me. She was a pretty girl. Normal height, with golden honey hair. I remember thinking that Eli was crazy to let her go, it was evident to any one with two eyes that she had loved Eli with her whole heart.

"Edward," my name slipped out of her mouth like a breath. She glided forward, wrapping her arms around me and hugging me to her fiercely.

"I'm sorry," She whispered. I didn't say anything back to her; I never know what to say to people when they say sorry to something that they didn't do. I just hugged her with one arm, because my other was still occupied by Bella's hand and that was something that I was not letting go of.

Kate finally pulled herself away, tugging on the bottom of her skirt to straighten it in an attempt to regain her composure.

"My husband, Garrett Malone, should be out in a minute," She informed the group.

"I didn't know you got married," I offered politely. It seemed like the thing to say.

"Oh, yes I did, almost four years ago now," She said with a soft smile softening her features. "He is the director here."

Before I could make another comment, a striking man entered the room. He was tall, with thick black curly hair. His face was stern but he had kind eyes. He looked upon our group, taking a minute to make eye contact with everyone.

"Hello, my name is Garrett. I have heard a lot about you all from Katie here, I wish that we were meeting under better circumstances," He said addressing the whole group.

After everyone had introduced themselves to Garrett, he got a serious look on his face.

"Usually before we go through with the details of the funeral, I give the family the option of going back and having a private viewing of their loved one. It is completely up to you, of course, but I thought that I would offer before we headed into my office."

I stood there dumbstruck. Did I want to see him? Of course. Was I ready? I don't think I would ever be ready for that.

"We would like to see him," My mom whimpered out between her tears, she grasped my dad's hand firmly.

I looked down at Bella; I needed her strength for this. Her brown eyes meet mine, and her face broke my heart. She looked to be fighting back tears, her eyes were rimmed with red and she was blinking furiously. I tightened my grip on her hand and pulled her into my side. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"We will help each other through this," I whispered into her hair. She nodded slightly, finally losing the battle with her tear ducts. I hugged her tighter for a minute and then pulled her along to follow my parents into the room that held my brothers body.

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**Symphiann**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the epic failure on updating, writers block sucks a big one! I promise that the next update will be up a lot faster! Scouts honor and all that jazz!**

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers-you guys are awesome!**

**I am looking for a Beta or a pre-reader, so if you are one or know someone who would be interested in doing it, let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

Last Chapter:

I looked down at Bella; I needed her strength for this. Her brown eyes meet mine, and her face broke my heart. She looked to be fighting back tears, her eyes were rimmed with red and she was blinking furiously. I tightened my grip on her hand and pulled her into my side. I leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"We will help each other through this," I whispered into her hair. She nodded slightly, finally losing the battle with her tear ducts. I hugged her tighter for a minute and then pulled her along to follow my parents into the room that held my brothers body.

The walk down that hallway felt like I walked a thousand miles in the sand or the snow….Maybe both. My feet felt blistered and frozen at the same time. I was in a trance, I was aware that my mother and father walked in front of me. Her hand clasped tightly in his.

I was aware of how both of their shoulders were shaking, trembling.

I was aware of Bella next to me, her tiny hand dwarfed in mine. I was aware that she was my light. Her presence was calling me out of my haze, but it wasn't strong enough to bring me back.

Instead of seeing that hallway I was walking down, walking towards my brothers' body, I was seeing my brother. Alive.

I was seeing me chasing him around the yard playing cops and robbers. I was seeing him bopping his head to the music on his walkman. Yeah, a walkman the cool thing to have before an Ipod.

I was seeing him laughing and crying and finally I was seeing his eyes the last time I saw him alive, I was seeing the hurt that was there when I told him that he was dead to me, and now he was.

It wasn't my parents crying or Bella's light that brought me back to the present; it was the looming brown door that Garrett was slowly opening. It was like he was taking his, elongating the dramatic effect. I almost snapped at him to just open the fucking door. But I couldn't get my mouth to work; my brain seemed to shut down, only operating its most basic functions. Breathing, walking, heart pumping blood.

Once the door was finally open, the only sounds to be heard were the harsh breathing of my family.

"He is lying in what we call a temporary casket. It is what we use until the family has chosen something more personal," Garrett explained like we were going to question what Eli was laying in. I knew I wasn't. He walked through the door and I immediately noticed how cold the room was, it was like walking into a deep freezer.

Garrett noticed my shudder. "It is cold in here, but it is necessary."

_I figured the much asshole. _

I wasn't really mad at Garrett, but I wasn't stupid. I understood why they would need to keep his body cold.

Garrett made busy work of ushering us to the other side of the room, towards a plain slate grey casket. The lid was closed. But not for long.

Thankfully Garrett didn't ask if we were ready, I may have hit him in the face for that. He just ran his hands along the bottom of the lid; most likely in search for some sort of lever, then I heard a click and the lid slowly raised.

I held my breath. I felt blood speeding through my veins; I heard it pounding through my ears. Little black spots appeared before my eyes. I must have wavered for a moment, because Bella whispered "Breathe" into my ear. And I did.

I sucked in a gasping breath that caused my mom to flinch. But I couldn't comfort her right now, because my eyes were transfixed on my brother. On myself.

It was surreal, him laying there looking so much like me. That could be me that is what I would look like if I were the one dead right now.

I almost laughed at the absurdity of my thoughts. Here I was staring at my brother's body and all I can think about it is that, that it could have been me.

He looked like me but totally different at the same time. His Bronze haired was shorter then mine and combed and parted to the side. Mine was longer and a complete mess. His skin was shallow, grayish, no pink tinting the cheeks anymore. I didn't want to look anymore but I couldn't tear my eyes away.

I heard Bella make a grunt like noise next to me. Her hand pulled out of mine and her body shot forward, draping herself over top of his body. Her gut wrenching sobs echoed off of the metal walls.

"This isn't how he fixed his hair," She sobbed into his cold body. She pushed herself up and her hand buried itself into his stiff hair, messing it up. It looked more like mine, just shorter. "He never combed his hair like that."

Her words cut at me. She would know how his hair was fixed. Here I was looking at my brother, taking in what he looked like, and I didn't even know that he didn't wear his hair that way.

"I'm sorry," Garrett said, laying a comforting hand on Bella's shoulder. I felt myself bristle at the contact. I knew that it was silly to feel that way, he was trying to calm her down, but for some reason it made me angry that he would try. It should be me….duh, you idiot, get up there.

My feet finally freed themselves from the floor and I passed my parents, whom were huddled together, both seeming to be oblivious to anything else besides Eli's body. I roughly pushed Garrett's hand off of Bella, giving him a hard look before I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her away from Eli.

"Shhh, Love, I've got you," I murmured into her hair. Garrett gave me a tight smile before mumbling out that he would give us a minute alone, that we could find him in his office when we were ready. Then the door shut quietly behind him.

I held onto to Bella, but kept my eyes on Eli. Now that I was closer, I could see the differences. There were lines by his eyes that I didn't have. A few gray hairs speckled his temples. I hadn't found even a one in my mane yet.

My hand reached out on its own accord, coming close to the apple of his cheek. I stopped myself, not sure if I could touch him or if I should. Finally not being able to resist any longer, I skimmed my fingers across his cheek. He felt wrong, almost waxy and cold, too cold. I yanked my hand back like I had been burned.

I heard my mom sigh. "We are going to head into Mr. Malone's office now."

"Okay," I said, releasing Bella slightly. I wasn't ready to leave Eli yet, though. "Can I have a minute?"

"Of course, dear," My mom said. My dad reached out and wrapped an arm around Bella, his eyes reassuring me that he would take care of her.

I looked at Bella for a minute, giving her an imploring look. She gave me a sad smile and nodded. She was letting me know that she understood that I needed some alone time with him.

I stood staring at Eli until I heard the door close behind them. The silence around me now felt heavy, like a blanket that was laid upon the room.

"Hi Eli," I started lamely. "God, I don't know what to say here, but I have to say it."

I stared at his lifeless face for a moment, almost like he was going to answer me. I could almost hear his voice saying "Spit it out Eddie, I don't have all day and heaven knows that I can't read your mind."

I chuckled lightly at that thought. It almost felt like he was here with me. I could almost feel his presence.

"I screwed up, Eli. I should have come home along time ago. I can't believe that you're gone, Brother."

I felt the tears slipping down my face; I made no move to stop them.

"I said some really fucked up things to you the last time that we spoke. I wish that I could take them back. I wish that I could hug you one more time and tell you that I love you. Because I do, no matter what happened in our past, you will always be my best friend, my brother."

"I need to let you know that I forgive you for everything. Yeah what you did was wrong, and I have no doubts that you know that, but it doesn't matter anymore. It's sad that it took you dying for me to realize that I can't live without you. How fucked up is that?"

"You are going to miss out on so much, you have a baby coming. I promise to be there for my nephew, I will try to fill the shoes that you left behind."

"I wanted to come home along time ago, but by then too much time had passed and I couldn't find my way there. I picked up the phone so many times to call mom and dad, but then my own foolish pride got in the way."

"I hope where ever you are, that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for being so stupid. I hope that one day I will get the chance to say that to your face."

I stood there in front of my brother, tears streaming down my face and I finally felt free. I felt like the heaviness that had held down my soul for so long had finally lifted. In that moment I knew that wherever Eli was that he had forgiven me.

"I love you, Brother," I said placing my hand on top of his folded one.

I turned on my heel and headed for the door. I needed to get back to my family and Bella, they needed me. I stopped once my hand was resting on the door knob. I had one more thing to say.

"Thank you for bringing me to Bella, she is amazing. I promise to do right by her. I know that I just met her, but I think she is it for me."

I turned the knob and opened the door.

"Goodbye, Eli," I said as I quietly made my way into the hallway.

We spent the next two hours in Garrett's office going over everything. I didn't realize there were so many things that you had to do for a funeral. But after choosing a casket, the music, scriptures to be read, flowers, and all the other things that one does for a funeral.

I left the funeral home feeling emotionally exhausted. I'm sure my parents and Bella felt the same, we walked towards the vehicles in a subdued silence all of us seeming to be lost in our own thoughts.

"We have a few stops to make before we head back to the house," My mom said once we reached the cars. "You and Bella are welcome to join us."

I looked over at Bella; her eyes were still rimmed in red. I knew that she needed a break from all of this.

"Where are you guys going?" I asked, mostly because if it had to with the funeral then I would go, to be there and to help.

"Just to the store for some groceries, then your dad needs to stop by the hospital."

"I think I'll pass," I decided right then and there to take Bella somewhere to get her mind off of things. "I think we'll just go get something to eat and then head to the house.

"Okay, Dear." And then with a quick kiss to the cheek my parents were gone.

I opened the door for Bella, helping her into the seat. I was raised a gentleman.

"So where are we going?" Bella asked once we were settled in and I was pulling out of the parking lot.

"I thought we could go get a bit to eat, I'm not ready to go back to the house," I said with a grimace. As much as I wanted to go and be with my family, I was honestly worried about what Charlotte I would find.

Bella must have noticed the look I got on my face because her hand reached out and rested itself on my forearm. "Hey, is everything okay? Why wouldn't you want to go back to the house?"

So I proceeded to tell everything that had happened that night before down to Dr. Banner's professional opinion on what was going on.

"Oh my," She exclaimed genuinely. "Do you think that she is going to be okay?"

I stared at her in wonder for a moment. Here Char is horrible to her, calling her a slut and accusing her of being in love with Eli and here she is still genuinely concerned for Char's well being.

"You amaze me, she is horrible to you and you are still concerned for her."

"She's still a human, Edward and she's hurting in ways that I can only imagine. I may have lost my very best friend, but she lost her husband, her best friend, the father of her baby. How could I not feel for her?"

I let what she said sink in for a minute. She was right of course; Charlotte was dealing with a lot. It's hard for me to see beyond my own anger for her to see that she is in fact in a lot of pain. She demonstrated that last night.

"You're right," I finally admitted.

"That's usually the case," She said with a slight smirk on her face.

"Oh yeah?" I asked playing along, it was a nice to flirt and play it helped to lift the dower mood that had settled upon us.

"Yeah," She said with a giggle. I loved the sound of her laugh, it made my heart beat faster and a warmth spread throughout my whole body.

I almost blurted out my feelings for her right there; thankfully I had half the mind to stop myself. I didn't want her running away from me. Instead I wrapped my hand around hers, lifting it to my mouth to place a soft kiss on her supple skin. The smell of strawberries and lilacs swirled around me; I breathed it in, letting her unique scent calm my heart.

I heard her swift intake of breath; she seemed to be as affected by me as I was by her. That thought brought a small smile to my lips.

We decided to have lunch at the diner, not that Forks had a lot of places to offer. But the diner always offered the best greasy food around and it sounded like just what we needed after the day we both have had.

We spent lunch talking about her life before she met Eli. I found out that she was raised in Portland, Oregon. She was the only child of Charlie and Renee swan. Her mother left when she was little and now lived in Florida, married to man Bella's age. They have six kids together; Bella has never met any of her step-siblings. Not that she didn't want to, but her mom never told any of them about Bella and that kept her away.

She told me about how she wanted to go away for college but not too far, so that was what made her settle on WSU, a decision that she never regretted. It brought her to Eli, and subsequently to me.

It was nice to spend time on something other then what was happening around us. It felt almost like a date, maybe it was.

The only thing I know is that the light hearted feeling lasted until I pulled onto the road that lead me back to my parents and then the dread and anxiousness flooded back in, reminding me of what was waiting back at the house.

Greif and Charlotte.

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**Symphiann**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for the epic failure on updating, writers block sucks a big one! I promise that the next update will be up a lot faster! Scouts honor and all that jazz!**

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers-you guys are awesome!**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she just started on this little story of mine, but she is already doing an amazing job!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

Last Chapter:

The only thing I know is that the light hearted feeling lasted until I pulled onto the road that lead me back to my parents and then the dread and anxiousness flooded back in, reminding me of what was waiting back at the house.

Grief and Charlotte.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I didn't want to go inside.

I took a deep breath hoping that would calm my nerves…nope.

Still didn't want to go in.

I felt Bella shift in the seat next to me. We had been parked in my parent's driveway for going on ten minutes but the thought of going in and having to deal with Charlotte was keeping me planted firmly in my seat.

"Edward," Bella finally broke the silence that had enveloped us.

"Huh?" was my astute response.

"We have to go inside eventually."

"I know, I just don't want to," I said with a slight pout.

She just chuckled; I guess my pouting came off kind of childish. "Come on, let's get inside."

"Fine," I huffed, stepping out of the car into the never ending drizzle. "But you owe me one."

"Whatever you say, Cullen." Bella rolled her eyes playfully.

I wrapped my hand around hers' firmly and walked at a leisurely pace to the door. I chanced a quick look at the parking garage, hoping to see an unfamiliar car sitting there; a car that could belong to a head doctor. No such luck, only my family's vehicles.

"The doctor should be here soon," I muttered out loud.

"Hopefully," she added.

Bella squeezed my hand one last time and then pulled the door open.

Everything seemed to be quiet on the home front. I could hear faint sounds coming from the kitchen, but nothing from the front of the house.

_I wonder where everyone could be._

"I should go see if your mom needs any help with dinner," Bella said softly. It seemed like food was Bella's escape, I was starting to figure out that she used it as some sort of shield.

"Okay, I need to find my dad anyways," I said releasing her hand. I felt the loss instantly. I sighed heavily; I was becoming too dependent on her. I didn't even like the idea of being away from her in the same house.

Before I could contemplate that thought any further, I felt her soft lips press against mine. I instantly wrapped my arms around her, drawing her tiny frame into me. I don't think she meant for this kiss to become more then a peck, but I couldn't help myself.

And neither could she, if the moan she released was any clue to how I affected her. I slowly ran my tongue along her bottom lip, savoring the fruity taste of her mouth. Her lips parted, granting me access to her warm and inviting mouth.

I stroked her tongue with mine, letting it massage hers gently. I didn't want to rush this, I wanted to savor her.

The sound of a throat clearing behind me caused me to pull away from Bella suddenly. I turned around to find my dad standing at the foot of the stairs. He awkwardly shifted from one foot to the other.

"Do you mind if I talk to you in private?" he asked nervously.

"Sure."

"I should go find your mom anyways," Bella offered stepping away from me.

"Hey," I said, grabbing her wrist. "I'll come find you when I'm done."

"Okay," she said blushing. How I loved that blush. Without thinking, I bent down and pecked her lips again. After I pulled away, she scurried from the room; red face and all.

I turned to find my dad looking at me in concern.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"Let's go to my office," He said before spinning around on his heel and heading up the stairs, two at a time. I had no other choice but to follow him.

Once we were settled comfortably in the dark brown leather, wing backed chairs that sat in front of the fireplace in his office, my dad sighed loudly.

"What is it?" I finally asked in exasperation.

"I have something to say, but I don't want to make you angry at me," he said with an anxious look on his face.

I instantly felt guilty, once again the side effects of me leaving were rearing their ugly head again.

"Dad, I acted immaturely ten years ago, I'm not the same boy that I was then. I know that you wouldn't know that, but I hope given some time and explanations, you'll be able to forgive me," I rushed out, keeping my eyes firmly planted in my lap.

"Edward," my dad said softly. "There is nothing to forgive, we all made mistakes and there hasn't been a day that has went by that I wish that I could back to that day and go about everything differently."

My eyes snapped my eyes up to find my dad looking at me with such sadness and regret that it sucked the breath from my lungs.

"I have so much to say to you and mom both; so many apologies."

"You're already forgiven, Edward."

"I still need to explain myself," I offered lamely.

"So do I," he said regretfully.

After sitting in silence for a second, I finally decided to ask my dad what he needed.

"So what was it that you needed to tell me?"

"Oh, yeah. Um, I couldn't be happier that you and Bella seem to be hitting it off. She is an amazing girl. More than amazing, she is like a daughter to your mom and I," he stopped there for a second, fiddling with a thread that was hanging from the cuff of his shirt.

"Why would that make me mad?" I asked lightly. I really wasn't sure where he was headed with this conversation.

"It's not that part that I was worried about. I just wanted you to know that you have my full support before I tell you everything else. You see, nothing would make your mom and me happier than if you and Bella became something, but I worry about the timing of it. You see Bella was extremely important to your brother; more than close. They were inseparable."

He stopped to take a deep breath, almost if he was trying to reconcile in his brain what he was trying to say.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'm going to just blurt it out. Eli was in love with her. He was here that weekend, because he wanted my advice on his feelings for Bella."

I sat there in shock. I never considered this possibility. Eli was supposed to be deeply in love with Char; so in love, in fact, that he was willing to ruin our relationship.

"How?" I blurted out.

"How?" He raised an eyebrow, confused with my one word question.

"I mean, how could he do that?" I elaborated.

"He tried to fight it for a long time; I think part of him wanted to believe that it was because of the strain that was left on his relationship with Char because of what happened. But eventually he realized that he felt differently for Bella, he was in love."

I fought the urge to throw up or maybe the urge to scream. I wasn't sure which feeling was more dominant at this moment. Then a thought struck me. It was so easy for Bella to step into this _relationship, _if that was what you could call it, with me. Did she know how Eli felt about her? Did she reciprocate those feelings? Was I some sort of a fill in? She couldn't have the real thing, so she thought that she could settle with me.

The urge to throw up beat out everything else at that moment. I clenched my fist tightly trying to keep myself under control. I'm sure I looked positively green to my dad, though.

"What is it, son? You look like you're going to be sick," he said standing up and pressing the back of his hand against my forehead.

I sucked in a few ragged breaths before I trusted myself to speak.

"Did Bella know?" I finally spat out.

"What?"

"Did Bella know about Eli's feelings?"

"NO!" he shouted. "I mean, Bella never felt that way about Eli. It was obvious. She loved him like a brother but nothing else."

"How do you know that?" I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding.

"I just do. She would have never been with Eli. It wasn't something that she would have wanted. If anything it would kill her to know that only reason he was in Forks that weekend was because of the feelings that he had for her. She would blame herself for his death," he explained.

_So she had no idea that Eli harbored these feelings for her? How could she not?_

"So, he kept all of this from Bella?"

"Yes, he wanted to tell her right away but I talked him into waiting. I convinced him that it would be all around better to wait until the baby was born, but in all reality I was hoping that once he experienced Char giving birth to his child that it would change his mind. A child bonds a couple in ways a marriage never could. But then he died," his voice cracked there causing him to stop for a second to regain his composure. "Then he died and I don't see a reason to tell Bella all of this."

"I agree with you, she has such a kind heart and I know for a fact that she would blame herself," I agreed.

"Yes, she would."

"You don't think that she is drawn to because of Eli?" I had to ask, if I didn't then it would always bug me.

"The way she looks at you, Edward, is like nothing I have ever seen. She looked at Eli with fondness, but she looks at you like you're the only person in the room. I have never seen Bella look or act like that before. Even she was dating Tyler; she never showed him that level of adoration."

"Tyler?" What was this, hit Edward with every type of jealousy? I knew that it was silly to feel jealous of some guys he use to date, but still the thought of someone else's hands on her, someone else's lips, made me angry.

"He's her ex; they dated throughout college, but called it quits when they graduated."

"And?" I wanted to know all of the gritty details.

"That's it," he said chuckling.

"Why did they break up?" I asked. I had no pride left, especially when it came to Bella. So if it meant nagging my dad for all of the details, I would.

"You know, Edward, maybe she should tell you all of this. I mean it's that what happens in the beginning of relationships. You take the time to get to know each other," He said smirking. So he was going to make me beg.

"Sure dad, I guess I could go up to her and ask her why she broke things off with her ex that I supposedly don't even know about. That would go over real well."

"Why do you think that she was the one that broke it off?" He asked, choosing to ignore the rest of my rant.

"Because any guy would be dense if they let her go," I said without thinking. My dad's face lit up in a huge smile at that.

"You really like her?"

"Of course I do, I thought that was obvious."

"I'm glad," He said still smiling.

"So are you going to tell me?" I finally begged, only slightly though.

"Tell you what?" he asked with a knowing smirk on his face.

"Dad!"

"Fine, but do not tell her I told you this. When she does get around to telling you, please for your sake and mine, act like you are completely naïve to her past."

"Okay," I agreed, of course I wouldn't tell her, do I look stupid?

"Tyler was pressing her to get married, they had been dating for four years and he wanted to settle down. From what your brother told me, she just didn't feel enough for him to accept his proposal, as much as it broke her heart she told him no. They tried to stick it out for a while after that, but things were too strained, he was constantly bringing up getting married and how much it would make their lives easier, so she finally packed her stuff up and left."

"Wow," I offered lamely. It hurt my heart to think about her with someone, especially in such a serious relationship.

"Yes, but that was a long time ago, she had made peace with it and her and Tyler actually are friends now. If I recall correctly he married last year to a lovely girl named Lauren," He said, probably adding on the last part so that I didn't jump to more conclusions.

"That's nice," It really was, if she was still friends with him then it was better if he was married.

_Wow, I sound like I own her…gah!_

"I know that I don't have to press upon you how imperative it is that you keep this from Bella, but I would also like it if you could just keep this between us," My dad said looking into the fire that was burning brightly in the fireplace.

"I wouldn't say anything to Charlotte about this," I said almost angrily, I wasn't that petty, though I won't lie and say that it wouldn't be a fuck awesome thing to do.

"Well of course, but I meant your mother."

"Mom?" I asked in surprise. I had assumed that if dad knew about this, then mom also did too. They didn't keep secrets from each other.

"Yes," he sighed heavily. "I planned on telling her, I just wanted to give everything some time. You know, let Eli think things through, but then he was killed that night. So it seemed selfish to burden your mom with this information, it would kill her to know this."

"So, you never plan to tell her?"

"I see no purpose in doing so."

"Well if that is the way you feel, then I will keep this to myself," I agreed, not that I totally understood his thoughts on this. Mom had a right to know, she was living with such guilt over his death. Maybe if she knew that he was here for something other than to help them, maybe it would bring her some peace. But then again maybe she would blame Bella, not that it is her fault, but grief causes strange emotions.

"Thank you, son," he said, patting me gently on the arm. Well we should get back downstairs.

"Just a minute, dad."

"Oh, was there something that you needed to talk to me about?" He asked in confusion.

"I was just wondering if Dr. Banner has come yet?" I asked cutting to the chase.

"No, not yet. Hopefully soon. But that does remind me of something else that I meant to say."

"Okay," I said cautiously. I don't know if I could take any more information today.

"Until Dr. Banner comes, do you think that you could be a little more careful of your affections for Bella?"

"Meaning?" I asked with an edge of anger to my voice.

"I don't want to upset you, please understand that. But if Charlotte happened to find you in the situation that I just found you both in, it may be very bad."

"So what, now I have to cater to her, fuck that," I exploded. I didn't owe that bitch anything, she ruined my life. She chose her path.

"I know that, Edward, but this just about Charlotte. Think about the baby," he pleaded. "If she is disillusioned to the point of reverting to her teenage self, well I just don't want to see _anyone _get hurt."

I hated when he was right. I didn't give a shit about Charlotte or her sanity, but I couldn't put my nephew into any danger.

"Fine," I huffed. "But I'm not going to stay away from Bella; I'll just make certain things between us are more private."

"That's all I can ask for, Edward. I don't want you to stay away from Bella, I already told you that your mother and I are over the moon about the possibility of you two," He explained.

"Well I better go check on your mother," he said standing up from his chair. "Maybe you should take a minute to yourself and absorb everything that I just told you."

I just nodded my head and then watched as he exited that room. He was right; knowing Eli's feelings for Bella was almost overwhelming. I needed to sit and sort through everything.

I found myself back in my bedroom without even realizing that I had moved. I don't know what drew me to my room, but it felt like a magnet.

Then I saw it.

Eli's journal.

If I knew Eli that way I thought I did, then I knew that he would have wrote to me about his feelings for Bella. Eli was predictable when it came to some things. He always kept a journal when we were younger, stating that it helped him to sort everything out, it helped to make sense of his feelings.

I crossed the room quickly, grabbing up the weathered notebook.

I wanted to hear about his feelings in his own words.

**Reviewers get a teaser!**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers-you guys are awesome!

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she just started on this little story of mine, but she is already doing an amazing job!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

Last Chapter:

I found myself back in my bedroom without even realizing that I had moved. I don't know what drew me to my room, but it felt like a magnet.

Then I saw it.

Eli's journal.

If I knew Eli that way I thought I did, then I knew that he would have wrote to me about his feelings for Bella. Eli was predictable when it came to some things. He always kept a journal when we were younger, stating that it helped him to sort everything out, it helped to make sense of his feelings.

I crossed the room quickly, grabbing up the weathered notebook.

I wanted to hear about his feelings in his own words.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I situated myself onto my bed, not really caring to find a comfortable position, but knowing that I probably should be sitting in case another black-out happens.

I stared at the journal in question for a moment, almost feeling guilty that I was going to jump and skip around it, to find out what I wanted. I almost set it aside at those thoughts. Was it not my intention just yesterday to wait and take my time reading Eli's life? Now I wanted to plow right through it so that I could learn why he loved the girl that I was quickly falling for.

I didn't need his words to see what he saw in her; her kindness, her beauty, the way the air shifted when she entered the room. But then again, I hope he didn't feel that, I hope that, that one thing was mine. He already had so much, not only of Bella but of Charlotte. Not that I wanted anything of hers, not anymore, but there had been a time when she had owned my heart and I would have given her anything.

So there I sat in uncertainty, a war waging between my heart and my mind. My heart wanted to know his secrets, wanted to know why he had to have Bella after everything he did to get Char. But my mind was reminding me that it didn't truly matter, he was not here, and he was not a threat to my burgeoning relationship with Bella.

_But wasn't he?_

If Bella found out about his feelings, would she not flee? I knew that the guilt, not matter how misplaced, would weigh heavily on her. She would blame herself for being too alluring to him, she would question every hug, every "I love you" until she was so burdened with this information that my face would be too much a reminder.

I could never tell her the truth, it would crush her, and it would crush us.

Fuck! I hated that I had to keep this from her, she deserved the truth. But I was too fucking selfish to lose her.

Fuck it, I was going to do this, I needed to know what Eli was thinking, if anything it would strengthen my resolve on keeping this information from her.

With my mind made up, I flipped quickly through the pages bypassing all of his earlier entries. I figured from his recent confession to my dad that his feelings could have only formed in the last year or so.

So that is where I found myself. January of 2008.

I didn't read every entry, just skimmed looking for Bella's name. At first she was just mentioned casually, some dinner they had had together or the advice she had given him. But finally his last entry was the one I was looking for:

_**Edward-**_

_**I don't know why I am going to tell you this; it is probably the nail that will seal the coffin of our relationship. But I guess I need to realize that it has been ten years since I have seen you. Ten years of not hearing your voice or seeing you happy. Our relationship was over the day you found me with Char. I fucked up, that is the only way I can explain myself.**_

_**At the time Charlotte seemed like the perfect person to me. She was more than beautiful, and incredibly charming. I found myself drawn to her whenever she was near. I could tell that you loved her, I wasn't blind to that but what I felt in my heart was too much to just let go. I swear to you that I never intended for it to happen that way, I just wanted to be her friend, to have her close to me in any way possible. But then one night she lured me in and I found myself with the opportunity to be with her. I have already explained all of this in the letter that I wrote you but never sent.**_

Ah yes, the letter that I have yet to read. I'm still not sure if I am ready for his explanations.

_**Anyway, you are probably wondering why I am telling you all of this again. Well it is because I have fallen in love with someone else and I am the biggest bastard known to man. I screwed you over to have the girl; the girl that I thought was the one. I never doubted that fact until now. I don't know what happened Edward. I wanted Char so much that I never listened to reason and now here I am being punished for that choice.**_

_**I have a woman in my life that is perfect in every way. She is kind and lovely. She makes my heart beat faster and I feel alive when she is beside me. I have already told you so much about her, so if you haven't guessed it is Bella. She is the women that I want to give myself to, but I can't. Being here with Charlotte for the rest of my life is my punishment. As I told you in an earlier post, we are expecting a baby. A baby, Edward. There is no walking away from that and if even if I could I don't deserve it. She is so much better than me. I made my bed, now I deserve to lie in it.**_

_**But only if that was enough, it's not. I wake up every day with such guilt. I feel so guilty for what I did to you and now I can only think about leaving the one person that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. I am a bastard. I don't ever deserve your forgiveness. You should hate me until the day that you die, because I screwed you over for some passing fancy. Please hate me, Edward. Please. You have every right to. I hate me; I hate the person I have become. But not enough to want to forget about Bella. Her smile makes me whole. She makes me forget about all of the wrong that I have done.**_

_**I tried so damn hard to ignore my feelings for her; I tried to convince myself that I was just imagining things. But have you ever felt something so strong that nothing in the world could tear you away from it? Well that is how I feel about Bella. She is home. Charlotte was fun and exciting; she was bubbly and full of life. But after you left, and then I left, she was different. Even when I returned home and married her she wasn't the same girl that my heart had fallen for; she was cold and manipulative. She constantly brings up our past, telling me that she would have been happier with you and maybe she would have been. I stole her from the life that she deserved, from a man that would have loved her until the day he died.**_

_**But Bella is so much more than that. She is warmth and smiles, she holds my hand and lets me divulge my deepest fears and sins, and she doesn't judge me for what I have done. I never imagined on the day that she literally tripped into my life that I would love that brown haired beauty with my whole heart. At first she was just my best friend, a reprieve from the guilt that laid heavily on my soul but then things started to change. Her smile would make my heart stop. I would imagine her in my house, in my bed. I imagined what it would feel like to taste her lips, to hold her in my arms. Not just for a hug, but in a lovers embrace.**_

_**I know because of those thoughts that my words here will fall on deaf ears. You deserve better than this; not only you but so does Bella and Charlotte. I have wronged you all. If I could go back and do things differently, I would Edward, please know that. **_

_**I don't know what else to say, Edward. You're not really here; you will probably never read this. My pleas for you to forgive me, but to not really forgive me, will never be read by anyone but me. I need someone to tell me what to do, how to fix this. I need to fix Char and me because if I don't then I will lose you forever. I would rather live without Bella in my life like that, then lose the hope that I will have a chance to earn your forgiveness.**_

_**I think that I am going to talk to dad about this. He is the only one I can truly trust to help me do the right thing. I think I will do that this weekend. Maybe after I talk to him, I will find some clarity and know what to do.**_

_**You may think that it is crazy that I have written this in the journal that Bella keeps for me, but I trust her with everything. I know that there is no way that she would ever read what I have written to you, she knows that this is between you and I. She would never betray that trust.**_

_**I love you, Brother. Never forget that.**_

_**Eli**_

I let the journal fall into my lap with a low thud. He was in love with her, not that I doubted my dad, but part me had wished that maybe my dad had exaggerated it a bit. But if anything he may have down played the situation.

It was clear in his words how he felt about Bella and how much it was eating at him. I tried to find the anger I should be feeling, just as he pointed out, he had Char and was basically trying to find a way to throw her away for someone else. But I couldn't find it in me to be mad; maybe it was because I had made my peace with him this morning at the funeral home.

Could I blame him for falling for Bella? No, she was amazing. Anyone with eyes had to know that.

Could I blame him for everything else? Yes. But was it worth it? No.

Who would it help getting angry now? No one; Eli was gone and he was not coming back. Charlotte was going to have to live with everything she had done in this life and if it wasn't for this whole fucked up situation I would have never meet Bella.

Does that mean that I am glad that Eli died? No, I would give up pretty close to anything to have my brother back on this earth.

"Eli, you sure did leave a mess behind didn't you?" I mumbled to no one. I picked up the journal and shoved it under my pillow. I really didn't want someone to, namely my mom, to find it and read what Eli had written. I felt that it was my responsibility to hide his secrets away.

The sound of my cell phone ringing broke me out of my thoughts. I jumped up off of my bed and started digging around in my carry on, trying to find the ringing device. It's funny how Forks changes me. In New York my cell phone was always on me, but here I forgot that I even had it.

My hand finally closed around my Blackberry just as it stopped ringing.

_Figures._

I pressed the buttons that were necessary to see who had called and the name that it showed made me groan out loud.

_Maggie Foster._

Maggie was a fiery red head that I had met a few months back at a bar near my apartment. She was bouncy and fun. So much fun that I dated her a lot longer than I did most girls. But just like every other girl she soon became clingy and wanted more. She started trying to leave her shit at my apartment, a pair of underwear, her body wash, her toothbrush, but the thing that caused me to flip my shit was the day that I found a box of her tampons under my sink.

_Seriously, who does that?_

So in not so many words, I told her that it had been fun, but that I was ready to move on. She cried and carried on, showing up at my work and apartment begging me to give her another chance. But it seemed in the last few weeks that she had finally gotten the hint and moved on.

But with her calling, I was starting to doubt that. Before I had a chance to think about it anymore, my phone started ringing again. Maggie's name and number flashed on the screen again.

Well I might as well answer it; she won't stop until I do.

"Hello, Maggie," I said into the phone.

"Oh my God, Edward. I just heard about your brother! Are you alright, so you need me to come out there?" She screeched into the phone, not taking a breath.

"Maggie, calm down. How did you know about my brother?" I asked slightly angry, I had never talked to her, or any other girl, about my brother. The only people that knew were my supervisor at work and few people that sit in the orchestra with me.

"Well not because you told me, Edward," she said tartly. "How could you not tell me that you had a twin brother? I mean, I just assumed that you were an only child, but it's not like you ever really told me anything about yourself."

I decided to cut off her rant, if I didn't it would go on forever.

"Maggie, all of this is beside the point. My life and who is in it, doesn't really involve you anymore, does it? What I would like to know is how you found out about my brother?" I knew that I was being harsh and I felt bad but Maggie, no matter how fun and bouncy she was, was a little dense. Though now that I think about it, none of the girls I had dated in New York were very deep; most of them were flighty and fake. Just like I had been. I couldn't be that person anymore, Eli's death and Bella had changed me in ways that I wasn't even sure that I understood yet.

"Well, silly, Jared at your work told me. I stopped by there today to see if you wanted to have lunch, to catch up, and Jared said that you went back to Washington because your twin brother had been killed in a car accident." she rushed out.

_Of course it was Jared, he was my second chair. Constantly looking for ways to try to fuck with me._

"So I just knew that I needed to call you. Oh Edward, you must be devastated. I can't even imagine what you are going through," she gushed out sincerely. I felt myself soften a little at her words. She sounded genuine and it made my throat close a little.

I started to feel the familiar burn at the back of eyes and I knew that I needed to get off of this call.

"Thank you, Maggie. I appreciate your call, but I need to go," I struggled to get the words out.

"Edward, let me come out there and be with you. I just want to hold you." And there was the flighty, clingy girl reminding me why I left her in the first place.

"Maggie," I said a little more harshly than necessary. "Why would I want you to? We are not together, it's over. How many times do I have to tell you this?"

"I know that we are not together, Edward. But I just want to be there for you! I think that I love you," She sobbed into the phone. I should have never answered this call. I couldn't deal with this right now; I didn't have the mental capacity to handle it, not with everything that had gone on today. The funeral home, learning about Eli's feelings for Bella, and now this! Fuck. My. Life.

"You don't love me!" I seethed. "I can't deal with this right now, Maggie. When I get back to New York we'll talk."

"Promise?" She asked in a watery voice.

"Yes, I promise," I sighed. I suddenly heard a sound from behind me; I flipped around a little worried that Charlotte had found her way back up here again.

It was worse than that. Bella. Once I turned she stood there like a deer caught in the head lights, but only for a second. I saw the look on her face, she was going to run. I couldn't figure out for a minute what would cause her to look that way until I realized that she had to of overhead my conversation with Maggie.

_Shit! She's going to think that I am a huge fucking asshole._

"I have to go," I blurted into the phone just as she spun around on her heel and took off.

_Fuck!_

I didn't give Maggie a chance to respond, I pressed the end call button and tossed my phone onto my bed and took off after Bella.

"Bella, wait!" I shouted at her as she ran down the first flight of stairs.

She halted there, surprising me. I didn't think she would actually stop. I jogged down the stairs until I caught up with her.

"Why are you running from me?" I asked even though I could guess what her answer would be.

"I'm so stupid," she muttered to herself instead of answering me. I went to put my hand on her arm, hoping to calm whatever was going on in her head. But she physically flinched away from me.

_What. The. Fuck._

I knew that I had been an ass on the phone with Maggie, but I didn't expect her to flinch away from me.

"What are talking about?" I pleaded.

"I'm so fucking stupid," she said looking me right in the eyes. "I should have figured that you had a girlfriend."

**Reviewers get a teaser!**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers-you guys are awesome!**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she just started on this little story of mine, but she is already doing an amazing job!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

Last Chapter:

"Why are you running from me?" I asked even though I could guess what her answer would be.

"I'm so stupid," she muttered to herself instead of answering me. I went to put my hand on her arm, hoping to calm whatever was going on in her head. But she physically flinched away from me.

_What. The. Fuck._

I knew that I had been an ass on the phone with Maggie, but I didn't expect her to flinch away from me.

"What are talking about?" I pleaded.

"I'm so fucking stupid," she said looking me right in the eyes. "I should have figured that you had a girlfriend."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I have a what?" I asked in disbelief.

"Don't do that, Edward. I heard you tell her that you would talk about her loving you when you got back to New York, back to your _real _life."

So she doesn't think that I am an asshole, only that I am sort of cheater?

"Bella, did you also hear the part where I told her that it was over for the fiftieth time since last month?" I asked angrily. I never assumed Bella would be one of those girls that just assumed things.

"What?" she sputtered out almost sheepishly.

"Yeah. Maggie use to be my girlfriend, if you could even have called her that, but we broke up a while back. She doesn't seem to catch a hint. She was calling to give me her condolences and then to beg to me let her come out here. Hence why she was telling me that she _thinks _she loves me."

"I told her we would talk about it later, because I really didn't want to be on the fucking phone with her anymore." I knew that I was ranting but I couldn't stop myself, once it started coming out I couldn't stop it.

"Oh God," she said slapping herself on the forehead. "I am so stupid."

"Will you please stop calling yourself that?" I asked, pulling her hand from her face. Thankfully she didn't flinch that time. "It was an honest mistake."

"No, you don't understand. I am not this person, I just don't assume things. If anything I am usually super understanding and wait to hear the facts before I lose my cool, but with you I just can't seem to help it. You drive me crazy."

"I drive you crazy?" I asked arching my eyebrow at her.

"That came out wrong. God I am bowling for gutters today! I meant that these feelings that I have for you make me irrational. I feel like I am on edge every moment, and then when I thought that you had some girl keeping your bed warm back in New York, something in me snapped," she explained, blushing a little. She was too adorable.

I understood what she was saying, not just an hour ago I was angry that she was still friends with her ex-boyfriend until my dad pointed out that he was married now. That is not really a logical thing either.

"I understand," I said pulling her by her wrist into me. "Please just talk to me next time, though; no running."

"No running," she agreed. The she totally surprised me by pushing up on her toes and pressing her lips to mine. I felt her fingers trace up my back and then wind themselves into the hair at the nape of my neck causing me to moan into her mouth.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked up, holding her tightly to my chest. I wasn't doing it for a sexual connection and think she knew that. I needed to feel close to her; it was the only time that the hurt and confusion was held at bay.

I pulled my mouth away from hers, but didn't release her from my hold. I just stared intently into her beautiful brown eyes, trying to convey to her the feelings that I was carry inside for her.

"Bella, I have something that I need to say and I hope that it doesn't freak you out," I said seriously.

"Okay?" she said uncertainty lacing her tone. I saw a crease form between her eyebrows. I never wanted to be able to read her mind more than I did at that moment.

"Why are you looking that way?" I smoothed away the crease with my finger.

"Irrational feelings again," she joked with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Well that it was I wanted to say. I have irrational feelings for you also. That is what I was worried would freak you out, but I needed to say that I have never felt this way about someone before. _Never_," I exaggerated the last word to get my point across.

"I feel the same," she replied, biting down on her bottom lip.

I chuckled softly then, here I was so worried that she was going to run again, being freaked out by my obsessive feelings for her. "I'm glad to hear that."

"So no freaky feelings here, only crazy ones," I clarified.

"Yep, only crazy ones." She smiled shyly, before biting her full bottom lip.

And then I was kissing her again, this time a little more desperate than the last. Since she was still in my arms, her body pressed tightly against mine, it was easy for her to wrap her legs around my waist. I groaned in satisfaction of having her so tight against me. I wanted nothing more than to run up the stairs with her wrapped around me, into my bedroom, and lay her down on my bed.

But even I knew that it was too soon, not that I usually cared about such things, but Bella was different and I wanted to be different for her. Plus the first time that had her in that way shouldn't be in a house full of people grieving.

A knock on the downstairs door interrupted us mid kiss, I was slightly annoyed but overall I was relieved. If it wasn't for that knock, I might have done something that… well not something I would have regretted but maybe Bella would have.

I pulled back from her, panting, but still held her against the wall. Her eyes were still closed, her lips parted as her sweet breath came out in pants. Just as I was going to go back in for another kiss, everything else be damned, when my father yelled up the stairs for me.

"Edward, my colleague, Dr. Banner is here. Could you please come down here so that I can introduce you?"

Groaning in frustration, I let Bella slid down me and the wall. Once she was on her feet, I answered him back. "I'll be down in a minute."

"I guess that's my cue to go," I said jokingly.

"Yeah, I suppose so," she replied breathlessly.

"You're coming down too, right?" She should also meet dad's colleague, she's pretty much part of the family.

She made a funny face before replying. "I've already meet _Dr. Banner_."

The way she said his name twisted my gut up a little. "What does that mean?"

"It's a long and boring story, one that you don't have time for right now," she said not looking me in the eyes. Her hand came up and straightened my collar, smoothing it down from where her hand had messed it up a few minutes earlier.

"One that I would like to hear later," I said before I released her. Even I knew that I sounded like a possessive ass, but when it came to her I couldn't help myself.

"Fine, when you are done with the _good _doctor, come find me, I'll probably be hiding in my room," she said before placing a soft kiss on my lips.

"You can't say things like that and then run off. It's going to kill me wondering what you mean."

"And I will tell you, just not right now," she was trying to placate me; it wasn't really working but I didn't have much of a choice.

"Fine, I better get down there," I said stepping away from her. I didn't want to keep my dad waiting.

We walked in silence the rest of the way down the stairs, Bella leaving me at the second floor after another quick kiss.

I knew rationally that she wasn't telling me because she wanted me to form my own opinions about the man and her story obviously doesn't paint him in the best light.

I made my way down the remaining flight of stairs and followed the sound of their voices to the sitting room.

The man that was sitting with my parents took me by surprise. I was expecting someone my dad's age, maybe even a little older. Nope, not the case here. He was probably in his mid to late thirties.

They all stood upon my entrance. Dr. Banner was tall; at least a couple inches taller than my six foot, two inch frame. He had thick brown hair and blue eyes which were pretty much covered by thick black framed glasses. He must have come here from the office, because he was wearing a dark blue button down and pressed khaki pants. I was confident enough in my sexuality to admit that he was a good looking guy, in a nerdy way.

"Edward, this is my colleague Dr. Banner," my dad introduced us once I was standing in front of them. "Ted, this is my son Edward."

"It's nice to meet you Dr. Banner," I said sticking my hand out for the customary handshake.

"Please call me Ted," he said shaking my hand firmly. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thanks," I muttered. I never knew what to say to that. "Sorry for making you guys wait, I got caught up with Bella for a minute."

I was addressing the room with that statement, but I kept my eyes on Ted, I wanted to see his reaction to Bella's name.

"It's okay, honey," my mom said patting my arm.

Ted didn't disappoint, his eyes widened for a minute and then a slow smile spread across his face. It made me want to fucking punch him.

"Bella Swan?" he asked casually.

"The one and only," my dad answered for me, looking curiously between Ted and I.

"I haven't seen her in ages," his tone was still casual, but I didn't like the look in his eyes.

"Yeah, well she probably won't make it down during your visit, she was going to lay down for a bit," I forced out. My dad cleared his throat, drawing the attention back to him.

"Well Ted, why don't we get you set up in my office and I'll have Charlotte come down," he said.

"Sounds good to me," Ted said, picking up his briefcase that had been sitting next to his chair. "It was nice to see you again Esme, I wish it was under better circumstances. It was also nice to meet you Edward."

I just nodded my head, I knew I was being rude, but as I already pointed out, these feelings for Bella made me irrational.

"Oh and Edward," he said just before he left the room.

"Yes Ted?" I said between gritted teeth.

"Please let Bella know how disappointed I was by not seeing her,"

I just nodded; I didn't trust myself to speak. He smirked at him slightly, almost like he could read my mind and then disappeared down the hall after my dad.

"What was the about?" my mom asked, coming to stand by me.

"Your guess is as good as mine," I shrugged; and it was. I had no idea what had happened between _Ted _and Bella.

"Hmmm. I didn't know that he really knew Bella, I mean they have met at a few hospital things and an occasional dinner here at the house, but nothing out of that as far as I know," she said looking thoughtful for a minute.

"I'm sure it's nothing, maybe he just wanted to make sure she was coping alright with everything. I mean she was Eli's best friend. He's probably just being a good doctor," I lied out of my teeth, I knew that is more than that but it's not something my mom needs to worry about.

"You're probably right," she said with a shake of her head. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm fine."

"Edward, I don't mind making you a little something," she was back in mom mode, not that I minded I've been without my mother for ten years, we had a lot of time to make up for. Thinking about that reminded me that I needed to talk to both her and dad tonight. It was time to lay everything out and apologize for running away from them.

"I know mom, but I'm fine really. But if you have time, I would like to sit down with you and dad tonight and talk about _everything_," I said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and bringing her close to my side. The small sigh that slipped out of her lips, let me know that she appreciated it.

"I always have time for you, Edward."

"Okay, maybe after dinner then?"

"That sounds good to me. But speaking of dinner I better go finish that up," she said slipping out of my embrace and walking towards the kitchen. "Oh and Edward?"

"Yes?"

"I love you so very much. I hope you know that," she said with an endless sadness encasing her eyes, suddenly making her look so much older than she was.

"Of course I know that," I said hoping to take away a little of her sadness.

"I'm sorry for blubbering here again," she said a soft sob leaving her mouth. I was by her side in, in instant. I wrapped my arms around her without another thought and held her close.

"It's okay mom. I love you too," I offered weakly. I didn't know how to fix her, she was carrying the wait of losing two sons, even if she just did get one back.

"I just… it's that," she started and then stopped. "I haven't got to tell you that I love you a lot in the last ten years and I don't want to ever feel like I didn't get to say it enough."

I opted not to say anything to that, not that I didn't have anything to say. But if I opened my mouth all that would come out is more attempted apologizes and she deserved more than that. No, what I wanted to say would have to wait until tonight when I had both of my parents in front of me.

So instead of ruining the moment with my words, I just choose to hold her close and try to mend a little of both of our souls with this embrace.

After a few minutes a throat clearing pulled us out of our moment, I turned to find my Aunt Carmen standing there watching us with watery eyes.

"I'm so sorry for interrupting," she said, her voice thick with tears. "But the funeral home is on the phone and they need to speak to one of you. Carlisle is still in with Char and the doctor, so I didn't have any choice. I'm sorry."

"Carmen, please stop apologizing, these things happen," my mom said, her voice stronger than before.

"I'll take the call," I abruptly answered. I didn't want my mom to have to deal with anything else today.

"You absolutely will not, young man," my mom said giving me her patented mom look. "I can handle this."

"But, mom you've dealt with enough today. So please let me," I said dropping my voice low, so only she could hear me.

"Edward, I doubt anything they want could be any worse than seeing your brother laying in that room and picking out his coffin. So like I said, I will take the call," she reprimanded me. I sometimes forgot how strong she was, I should have known that she wouldn't have stood for me babying her.

"Fine, fine, I give," I said weakly holding my hands up in surrender.

"Good," she laughed, but then she got a mischievous look on her face. "Plus, I'm sure there is a pretty girl waiting for you somewhere in this house."

_Bella._

I had almost forgotten about my promise to go find her after I was done here, almost but not quite.

I really wanted to know what fucking Ted Banner did to make her look that way when she talked about him.

My aunt followed my mom out of the room; I'm sure, wanting to be close just in case my mom needed her after the phone call.

I raced as fast as I could to Bella's room. Thankfully my dad's office door was still shut when I raced by it. There were two people in the room that I had no desire to see.

I stopped once I was in front of Bella's door, I know that it was irrational but nervousness flooded my body. I was being stupid, there was nothing to be nervous about. Bella had told me to come here after I was done.

_Man the fuck up, Edward. You are not girl, so quit acting like one._

I had to agree with my subconscious, I was acting like a girl. With that thought in mind, I knocked on her door. I heard a loud thump and then muted curse words.

"Hey," she said as she poked her head out the door a few seconds later.

"You okay?"

"You heard that, didn't you?" she asked blushing.

"Yeah, did you hurt yourself?"

"I'm fine, just fell off of the bed," she explained causally, like her falling off of the bed was a normal thing.

"You fell off the bed?" I asked, holding back a laugh.

"Yes, I did," she huffed, her blush spreading from her cheeks and down her chest.

I couldn't hold it back anymore, laughter poured from my mouth. Her standing there with her hands placed firmly on her hips only made me laugh harder.

"I'm glad you find this do amusing. But I'll have you know, that I hurt my elbow and you are laughing at me," she said, giving me a slight pout rubbing her elbow for emphasis.

That sobered me pretty quickly, the thought of her hurting one hair head made the pace of my heart quicken and my adrenaline kick in. I swooped her up into my arms and carried her to her bed, effectively kicking the door shut behind me.

She squealed like a girl and then laughed heartily. "Is the part where the white knight sweeps the damsel in distress off of her feet?"

_Fuck yeah!_

"Of course, miss. I couldn't have you hurting yourself anymore, now could I?" I asked as I sat her onto the light blue comforter that was laid out on her bed.

"Ha, ha. Make fun of the practically handicapped girl, that's so funny," she huffed as I sat beside her.

"You're right," I said, running a finger down the side of her pink stained cheek. Her eyes fluttered for a second. "You are practically handicapped."

"Hey! I am not!" she yelped as she went to smack my hand away from her face, effectively missing my hand and smacking herself in the nose.

I just cocked an eyebrow up at her; she had inadvertently proved my point.

"Okay, fine. You're right," she declared, falling back onto her bed. I lay back beside her, loving this flirty banter. It made me forget for a moment why we were here, why I had met her.

"So…" I trailed off after a minute.

"So….." she prompted.

"You're going to make me ask, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am," she said cheekily.

I turned my head so that my face was turned toward her. She did the same and I almost got lost in her eyes; the depth that I saw there astounded and scared me at the same time. Not wanting to break the connection, I brought my hand up and caressed her cheek and down the side of her neck.

"Will you please tell me about Dr. Banner?" I asked sweetly. _Fuck, I am turning into a girl._

Yes, but only on one condition," she offered.

"Okay," she could have anything that I had. I was fucked.

"Tell me what happened with your parents. Eli only told me about you and him, never what caused the rift between you and your parents," she breathed out.

_Well shit. I wasn't expecting that one._

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**Symphiann**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers-you guys are awesome!**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she deals with all of my crazy grammar mistakes and polishes this story until it shines! She is the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

Last Chapter:

I turned my head so that me face was facing hers. She did the same. I almost got lost in her eyes, the depth that I saw there astounded and scared me at the same time. Not wanting to break the connection, I brought my hand up and caressed her cheek and down the side of her neck.

"Will you please tell me about Dr. Banner?" I asked sweetly. _Fuck, I am turning into a girl._

Yes, but only on one condition," she offered.

"Okay," she could have anything that I had. I was fucked.

"Tell me what happened with your parents. Eli only told me about you and him, never what caused the rift between you and your parents," she breathed out.

_Well shit. I wasn't expecting that one._

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"My parents?" I sputtered out.

"Only if you want to," she backtracked quickly; she must have mistaken the look on my face for something it wasn't.

"No, it's fine. I just wasn't expecting that."

"I'll go first if it helps," she offered.

I just nodded, I didn't honestly know that if it would help per say. It may help me want to beat the fuck out of the good doctor.

"Well, a few years ago Eli invited me to a hospital dinner. Your dad was being honored for something and Charlotte couldn't go with him, so naturally his faithful best friend was his second choice," she started.

_Oh, Bella, I am sure you were his first choice. _That thought twisted my gut up a little. I didn't like the thought of Eli taking Bella on a date, even if it was completely platonic. Well at least on her end.

_She said it was years ago, he obviously wasn't in love with her yet. Well at least he wasn't admitting to it yet._

"Anyways, the dinner was nice, pleasant actually. Your mom and dad were hilarious and kept dragging Eli and I around to meet anyone and everyone. So towards the end of the evening your dad introduced us to Dr. Banner and his date, a nurse from the hospital, I believe. Initially he just rubbed me the wrong way. I guess part of it was how he looked at me; like I was some kind of arm candy or something."

I could feel the anger starting to bubble. I clenched my hands tight, wanting to hit the fucker in the face.

"Eli noticed the weirdness and whisked us away to dance. I don't dance but in that minute Eli could have talked me into doing the damn waltz."

Her eyes were alit with happy memories. I had to wonder though, if like me she felt the sorrow that tugged at even the best of memories.

"I could feel his eyes on me throughout the whole dance. He watched as Eli twirled and whipped me along the dance floor. Once the song ended, Dr. Banner was there at our sides, politely asking me for the next dance. I really didn't want to but I didn't want to embarrass your parents; plus I couldn't use my usual 'I don't dance' excuse."

I didn't like where this was headed, if it had to do with him putting his grubby hands on her… Well… Well… I might have just had to break every one of his fucking fingers.

"Don't look like that, Edward," she sighed. Oops, I guess I wasn't concealing my feelings very well. "Anyways, I figured one dance wouldn't hurt. I mean we were in a room full of people, and I knew that Eli would be watching us like a hawk. So I danced with him."

She stopped there, her head tilted up and her face seemed lost in thought.

"And?" I probed. There had to more to the story then one weird look and him wanting to dance.

"And he was weird. He held me to close and placed his hands to low on my hips. He had been drinking; I could smell it on him. But at the end of the dance, he kissed my neck. Thankfully Eli was there in a heartbeat and politely detangled me from his grasp."

"So after that at every dinner and get together at your parents he would try to be touchy feely, following me around and asking me out for dates and stuff. He never crossed the line between being creepy and being lewd."

I disagreed with her there. The words "touchy feely" seemed to cross the line into being lewd, but I kept me my mouth shut it. I didn't know her then and it was in the past.

_See I could be rational…. Well until I saw _Ted _and then my fist may be beyond rational._

"But it really doesn't matter Edward, I rarely ever see the guy and every time I do it is in public… So no worries," she was trying to pacify me.

"He better not get touchy feely in front of me," I grumbled.

She started giggling at that. "Are you jealous, Edward?"

"No, I'm not. I just don't like the guy… or his hands!" I defended myself.

"You're jealous!" she exclaimed. "See I'm not the only one that is crazy!"

She was right. I was jealous; but the thought of that douche having his eyes or hands on her caused reactions in me that I could not explain. I had never felt this level of protectiveness about anyone else before. I had to almost wonder if it was normal to feel it to this degree.

She was also right about her not being the only crazy one. My feelings for her were obviously outside of the bonds on rationality. At least I wasn't alone in that though, she was right there with me.

_Or else she is right there with Eli._

I don't know where that thought came from, but it made my blood run cold for a second. I was being dumb; there was no way that she had felt this way about Eli….was there?

_How would you know? Look how easy it is for her to like you. You're nothing but a fill in._

"Edward, what is it? Are you okay?" the franticness of her voice brought me back to reality. "Did I say something to upset you?"

I looked at her carefully for a second. Her concern seemed to be genuine; her eyes were frantically searching my face. I should just ask her. I should just be upfront about what I am thinking.

But the fear of learning something that I didn't want to know kept my mouth firmly closed. Even she denied it, I was certain that her eyes would give her away. And the thought of seeing it in her expressive eyes caused my heart to stop a little.

"You're starting to freak me out a little Edward. Should I go get your dad?" she asked as she sat up quickly.

I didn't want my dad involved; he already tried to convince me that Bella didn't feel that way about Eli. I just needed time to deal with everything in my head, and then I would talk to her about all of this.

"No, I'm fine," I finally said as I sat up beside her.

"Are you sure? You kind of went silent there for a second; I was worried that I said something that made you upset. You have to know that this stuff with Dr. Banner is nothing. I just don't like to be around the guy, he gives me the creeps." She was rambling now, trying to back track.

"It's not that Bella," I grabbed her hand in mine trying to reassure her. "Sometimes everything that had happened recently slaps me in the face out of nowhere and it causes me to freeze up a little."

I knew that I was lying and I should feel awful about that. But I didn't. I guess I felt bad that I was using Eli's death to cover up for my freak out about the two of them, but I just wasn't ready to have that conversation with her.

"I know what you mean," she said quietly. I didn't need to look at her to know that her eyes were turning glassy with tears. Instead of saying anything else, I just pulled her closely to my side tucking her into the crook of my body and then pulling her back onto the bed so that we were lying cuddled up side by side.

"So I guess it's my turn?" I asked in hopes if breaking up the melancholy mood that had settled onto us.

"If it's too much you don't have to," she whispered. I could tell by her voice that she was fearful of causing me to freak out again.

"No, it's fine. I think I can handle talking about it. Did Eli tell you everything that happened with him and Char?"

"Yes," she breathed out.

"Okay, so then you know that I had every intention of giving Charlotte a promise ring the day that I found them."

I felt her nod her head in reply.

"Well after I found them I took off to my parent's house. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do. All of my plans were revolved around Charlotte; we were both accepted to WSU. I was going to start my pre-med and she was going for her teaching degree. Crap we were in the works of subletting an apartment together."

"Once I got to the house, I just knew that I couldn't go to WSU. The thought of seeing her everywhere turned my stomach and I definitely didn't want to see Eli; so I knew that I had some decisions to make."

As I told her the story I let the memories overtake me.

_I couldn't believe that my own brother would do this to me. I should go back there and kill him. He __**knew **__how I felt about her and just didn't care._

_I slammed my fist against the steering wheel of my car of probably the hundredth time._

"_Fucking bastard, I hate you," I seethed to no one, but it felt good to say it aloud._

_After leaving the slut's house I drove straight home, I wanted to get there and be gone before Eli returned home. I didn't know where I was going but I did know that I couldn't stay here. There was no way that I was going to go to WSU with the two of them, especially if they were going to be together now._

_The thought of them being together caused my gut to twist and the tears that had been threatening to fall too slid over my eyelids._

What was I going to do know?

_She was my everything and he was my best friend. She was the reason I was going to go to med school. I wanted to give her the best life possible, the huge house and the fancy clothes. I wanted her to want for nothing._

_Slamming my fist into the steering wheel one last time, I pushed my way out of my car and up the front steps of my house. I hoped to hell my parents weren't home. It would be so much easier to leave them a note telling them that I would be home in August and that I would call them when I got a chance._

_After I flung the front door open and shut, I ran up the stairs two at a time. I clenched my eyes shut as I ran past Eli's room, it took everything I had not to tear into his room and break everything in sight. The only thing that really stopped me was knowing that I didn't have much time._

_I burst into my bedroom like a mad man and grabbed my duffle bag from the closet, not even caring what I grabbed. I yanked clothes off the hanger in fistfuls and thrust it all into my bag. After that was cleaned out, I did the same with my dresser._

_Once that bag was full, I pulled out my big suitcase and started throwing books and CDs into it. There was no way that I was going to leave without my only source of comfort. I threw picture frames in there too, bypassing any that had Eli or Charlotte in them. Which only amounted to me grabbing two pictures; one with me and my parents and the other was my grandparents and I._

_When that bag was filled to the brim, I rummaged through my sock drawer and pulled out the money that I had been saving. It was only a little over three thousand dollars, but I also had my trust fund that had kicked in when I turned eighteen. My mom's parents had left both Eli and I over five hundred thousand dollars. So I wasn't worried about money. I didn't mean that in a conceited way, it was just something that I didn't have to worry about._

_Thankfully, the process of packing had caused the tears that I was crying earlier to stop. I hated crying; it made me feel like such a fucking pussy. I shoved the money into my duffel and lugged them both out into the hall. I wanted to give my room one last scan before I left. I didn't want to leave anything behind in my haste._

_Seeing nothing else that I wanted to bring I went to leave the room, but a picture of Eli, Char, and me caught my eye. It was sitting on the nightstand by my bed. I knew that I was being a masochist by looking at it, but I couldn't help it. It was taken about six months ago on Christmas Eve. The three of us were standing in front of the Christmas tree smiling for the camera. Char was in the middle of Eli and me. My arm was slung around her waist and his around her shoulders. We all looked deceptively happy. I felt something inside me break then._

"_Why?" I screamed at the photo. "Why her? Why each other?"_

_The tears started again, sliding down my cheeks like small rivers._

"_I trusted you both. I loved you both," I said my voice cracking with emotion. The picture didn't answer me though; their faces only stared back at me with huge smiles._

"_Fuck you both," I seethed as I chucked the frame against the wall as hard as I could. The sound of glass and wood breaking was actually somewhat cathartic._

_I wasn't going to waste any more time. If I knew Eli, he would be here soon._

_I rushed out of my room and yanked the door closed behind me. Once I got both of my bags up onto my shoulders I made my way back downstairs as fast I could. Just as I set my bags down by the front door, I needed a hand to open it, I heard my mother._

"_Edward is that you?" I could tell from the sound of her voice that she was in the kitchen still. I could never tell though how she always knew which one of us it was._

_I debated about not answering her. It would be better if I could just get out to my car._

"_Edward?" she called out again, closer this time._

_Fuck my life. I just wanted to leave and if she caught me with my bags, there would be a hundred questions to answer._

_It would be best to try to just leave, with that decision made I pulled the door open and heaved my duffle bag back onto my shoulder and lifted my suitcase off of the ground._

"_Edward Anthony where do you think you are going?" Crap, she was faster than I had thought._

"_Are those suitcases?"_

_I kept my back to her, if I didn't I would be fucked. One look at her motherly face I knew that I would start crying again and want to be held._

"_I'm leaving," I said in response to her inquiries._

"_What? Where are you going? What's going on?" she asked frantically. She knew that this was more than me going on a camping trip._

"_It doesn't matter," I said angrily. Angry was the only emotion that was going to help me get out of this house faster._

"_It doesn't matter? It doesn't __**matter**__?" she just about shouted. "Look at me Edward."_

_I felt her hand on my back then, trying to turn me to face her._

"_Don't," I barked. "I'm going; I don't have time for this."_

"_What, you don't have time to tell your mom why you are acting crazy?"_

_Before I could respond, she yelled out for my dad. "CARLISLE!"_

_Fuck, they are both home. This day kept getting better and better._

"_What?" came his reply from the second floor._

"_COME DOWN HERE," she shouted. I had, had enough I wanted to be gone. Just as I heard my dad's feet hit the stairs I rushed out the door._

"_Edward stop," my mom screeched. I ignored her and started walking towards my car._

_Once I hit my car, I popped the trunk and started loading my bags. I could my parents arguing inside, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. Just as I went to open my car door, my dad rushed out of the house._

"_Get your hand off of that car, Edward," he shouted_

_Seriously, can I not catch a break? I dropped my hand hastily._

"_Where do you think you are going?" he demanded once he was standing in front of me. He wasn't angry he just looked concerned._

"_I'm leaving," I repeated for like the hundredth time._

"_I gathered that much. Where are you going and why?"_

_I knew that it wasn't my parent's fault that I was mad, but I couldn't really be rational in my anger right now. I needed to get out of here and right now; they were standing in my way._

"_I don't know where I am going and I'm eighteen so I can do what I want," I spat out like an immature child. I could have told them about Eli and maybe I should have but I just couldn't bring myself to say the words aloud._

_I could tell my dad was starting to get angry, the concern in his eyes started to dim and was slowly being replaced with anger. There was one thing my dad couldn't stand and it was disrespect._

"_Edward, get back into the house now," he demanded._

"_I'm leaving dad."_

"_I think we need to talk about this. You can't just leave and for no reason. What about Charlotte? What about school?"_

_The mention of Charlotte broke the last amount of control that I had left._

"_Fuck Charlotte and fuck school!" I bellowed. My dad took a step back in shock._

"_What has gotten into you Edward? Did you and Charlotte get into a fight? Is that what this is about? And you were excited to go to school, why would you say, 'fuck it' now?" His voice was starting to get louder and louder as he spoke. I knew that the school thing was going to hit a nerve._

"_Charlotte and I are through, she can go fuck herself and I don't care about school. I think I want to try playing the piano professionally," I didn't know where the piano thing came from, I mean I love to play but I had never considered it a career choice before but now that it was there it seemed like an answer to one of my prayers._

"_What? Play the piano? Come on Edward, have you been drinking?" My dad accused._

"_Are you for real? What I'm drunk because I don't want to go to school?" My anger was starting to boil again._

"_It has to be something Edward. You don't just wake up one day and decide that you don't want to go to med school anymore. This is your dream, you've talked about becoming a doctor since you were little!" He was shouting now. My mom stepped out onto the porch then her shoulders trembling. I hated that she was crying I didn't want to fight with either of them._

"_No dad, it was your dream," I seethed. "You pushed me to follow in your steps since I was little and I'm done, I don't want to do it anymore."_

_He stared at me flabbergasted for a minute, seemingly taken aback by my accusation. I wasn't lying though, my dad had pushed Eli and I both to follow in his footsteps._

"_You don't get to blame me for anything Edward. You choose Medical school it was what you wanted. Yeah, I helped you along the way but I never forced you into doing something that you didn't want to do."_

_I scoffed. "No, you didn't force me but you didn't even let me be open to any other options. Not once did you ask me if being a doctor is what I truly wanted. You just assumed. And you know what they say about assuming things."_

_The rage I knew that he was holding in broke out across his face at that._

"_Now listen here Edward, you are still living under my roof so you will be respectful. Now I think that it is everyone's best interest if we all go inside and take some time to cool off before we finish discussing this," he said as he turned on his heel and starting walking back towards the house._

_There was no way that I was going back in, I needed to leave I could not deal with any of this right now. If I could just go away for a few months and get my head on straight then maybe I could do the things that he wanted me to._

"_I'm done discussing this with you dad. I am leaving and that's that," shouted at his back._

_Two things happened simultaneously, my dad went completely rigid and my mom flew off the porch and planted herself by my dad's side. She gave him a pleading look for a second almost if she knew what he was going to say._

_He didn't even turn around to address me. "If you leave now, like this, don't think about coming back. Just because you are eighteen now does not give you the right to treat your mother and I like this. I demand respect above all things. I will also not continue supporting you; if you are going to act like a child I will treat you like a child."_

_I let the anger talk for me then. "Fine, if that's the way you both feel, I don't need you. I have my trust fund and some extra cash on hand, I'll be fine."_

_My dad stiffly nodded his head and walked into the house without a backward glance in my direction. My mother on the other hand stood there and stared at me with tear-filled eyes. I waited to see what she was going to do; I knew that if she came to me, even for a hug, then everything would be fine. But if she didn't then they really were done with me._

_She gave me one last imploring look and then quickly followed my dad into the house._

"And so that was that. I took off and never came back," I finished the rest of the story for Bella.

"Oh Edward," she said clenching my hand harder. "That must have been devastating for you."

"It hurt, but I got over it," I lied there. It wasn't that I wanted to lie; I just didn't want her sympathy.

"You have to know that your parents didn't mean that though. Your dad was just angry," she was trying to make me feel better, it was too cute.

"I know, I plan on talking to both of them tonight about everything that happened, there is a lot that we need to get out into the open and a lot that I need to apologize for."

"It's just not you that needs to apologize, they should have tried to do something." She was getting defensive for me and it felt nice. I liked having someone on my side. It had been too long since I had.

"I think there will be a lot of apologizing on both sides. I just wish that I had the same chance with Eli; there were so many things that we needed to air out," I admitted.

"He felt the same way," she said softly. "It was his biggest wish to talk to you and apologize for his actions."

I just nodded my head, I was too emotionally tired to talk about all of the stuff with Eli; plus it would only bring me back to his feelings for Bella and that was something that I was definitely not ready to discuss.

I think she sensed my reluctance to talk about Eli, because she caressed my cheek softly and said "If you need someone to talk to after you talk to your parents, I'm here for you."

"I know," I said before leaning over her and kissing her.

A knock on the door pulled me away from her; regretfully.

"Edward, Bella," my dad called through the door. Well my mom must have told him where to find us.

"Dinner's ready, I hope you don't mind Dr. Banner is joining us."

Well Fuck!

**Reviewers get a teaser!**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	14. Chapter 14

**I know, I know…..All I can say is that I am terribly sorry that I have taken so long to get this to you guys….Real life came at me with a major writers block, I couldn't find it in me to write on anything. Every time I tried I would literally draw a blank…so I took some time to myself and recharged the old battery and now I am back and hopefully better than ever.**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she deals with all of my crazy grammar mistakes and polishes this story until it shines! She is the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

Last Chapter:

A knock on the door pulled me away from her, regretfully.

"Edward, Bella," my dad called through the door. Well my mom must have told him where to find us.

"Dinner's ready, I hope you don't mind Dr. Banner is joining us."

Well Fuck!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I heard Bella groan next to me. "Are you serious?"

"He doesn't have to stay," I spouted off. I had every intention of going out there and telling my dad that Dr. Banner was not welcome.

"Don't be ridiculous, Edward," she said propping herself up on her elbows so that she could look at me. "Your parents already invited him for dinner."

"I'll un-invite him." _With my fists. _I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face at that thought.

"I don't even want to know what that grin is about," she said with a laugh as she got up off her bed. "Let's go."

I grabbed her proffered hand and pulled her back onto the bed, back onto to me.

"How about we stay right here?" I asked innocently.

"Hmmm… As good as that sounds, I'm sure that your mom will come looking for us. Plus, I'm hungry," she laughed as she patted my chest. She made a move to get up again, so I let her. As much as I wanted to keep us both in this bubble that was surrounding us, I knew that given the circumstances it wasn't possible.

I got up after, but quickly wrapped my hand around hers.

"Do you think that is a good idea?" she questioned me, nodding at our entwined hands.

"Worried that the good doctor will be jealous?"

"No! Gross. I meant Charlotte might me downstairs, do you think that it would be a good idea if she saw us holding hands?"

My other came up instinctively and fisted itself into my hair. As much as I wanted to tell her no, that I could hold her hand if I wanted. I knew that she was right, if Char was down there and was happening to be in la-la land then her seeing Bella and I _together _could harmful. I fucking hate this.

I wanted to hold this girls hand everywhere I go, I want to wrap her around my body and let any motherfucker that looked at her know that she is mine. But I couldn't do that, not at the cost of the one thing I have left of Eli's, his son.

"You're right," I groaned as I placed a soft kiss to her knuckles before I released her hand.

"I usually am," she quipped as she shot towards the door but preceded to trip over the edge of the rug, thankfully I was there to catch her before her beautiful face made contact with the carpet.

I pulled her up so that her back pressed into my chest. She was so close that her amazing scent filled my nose; I could taste her on my tongue.

"I think that I should just carry you downstairs," I breathed into her ear, earning a light shiver and a quiet moan. "It would be safer."

"I'm not that bad," her voice sounded as if she was trying to pout.

"Hmm… I don't agree with you," I chuckled as I ran a lone finger down the side of her exposed neck. That seemed to distract her, so I decided to put my plan into action. I swooped down and quickly pulled her into my arms bridal style.

I started walking forwards, towards the door. I had just about reached it before she reacted.

"Put me down Edward," she screeched wiggling in my arms helplessly.

"I don't think so, Love. I wouldn't want you to fall down the stairs," I told her as I pulled her door open and walked out into the hall.

"Seriously Edward, you need to put me down. What if someone sees us?"

"I'll let you down as soon as we hit the main floor and if someone sees us, well I guess I will just have to explain that it was in the best interest of _your _health that I carried you," I explained.

"Fine," she huffed. "Break your back carrying me down the stairs, see if I care."

I just chuckled as I descended the stairs, as if her whole one hundred and fifteen pounds would break my back. Her resounding laughter as I carried her down the stairs caused giddiness in me that I hadn't felt in such a long time, even with all of the sorrow that was encasing my heart right now, in this moment I could feel nothing but a light heartedness.

As I neared the first floor, I couldn't help but join in her laughter. The sound of it was to addicting, so it was laughter and her in my arms that my feet hit the ground floor. My eyes locked onto hers as I stopped at the base of the stairs, the energy between us was too much to ignore, so I did what any other red blooded male would've done in this situation, I tightened my hold on her as I leant my head down and pressed my lips firmly against hers.

She responded immediately by wrapping her free arm up and around my neck, joining her other hand. Her lips opened in invitation to taste the sweet ambrosia that was her mouth and I greedily indulged, my tongue invading the soft sweet cavern.

I was so fucked when it came to this girl. Everything about her was addicting, her scent, her smile, her taste and definitely her laugh. I wanted nothing more than to wrap her around me and keep her there forever.

"Edward," she gasped out between breaths. "Your family is waiting on us."

"Hmm…" I managed to get out before assaulting her mouth again. She didn't seem to mind as a loud moan erupted from her throat.

The sound of footsteps interrupted us. Groaning I pulled my lips from hers.

"Real life awaits," I muttered.

"It's only for a little while," she reassured me.

"Oh!" A startled voice pulled us from our murmurings.

"Dr. Banner, nice to see you again," I called out to the figure that interrupted us. "Dad did say that you were joining us for dinner."

His expression was beyond comical. He had a shocked look on his face, I'm sure from finding Bella nestled in my arms, her face inches from mine.

"Oh, yes I am," he said snapping himself out of his shocked stupor. A funny look crossed his face before disappearing quickly. "Are you okay, Bella? Have you hurt yourself?"

_So that was the angle he was going to go with. I can work with that._

"I'm fine, Edward just seems to think that he needs to carry me everywhere," she answered stiffly. Thankfully, she didn't make the move of trying to get out of my hold.

"I see," he answered in a strained voice, his cold eyes flickered to me, and then my arms wrapped around her, and then finally back to Bella. "I was looking for you earlier, did Edward let you know?"

"He did," was her blunt reply. He looked at her expectantly then, obviously wanting more of answer then that.

"She was busy," I decided to fill in the blanks for the fucker. I couldn't help the smirk that formed on my face then and judging by the narrowing of his eyes, my smirk didn't go unnoticed.

"I see. Well I was just on my way to the restroom to wash up; I'll see you both in the dining room."

"Of course, Dr. Banner," Bella said sweetly.

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's Ted, Bella. Only patients really call me doctor," he said lamely. I mean seriously could this guy be anymore obtuse.

"Of course, Ted. Sorry."

I just rolled my eyes, which of course _Ted _also caught.

"Oh and Edward?" he said as he went to walk by us.

_Seriously, what was this guy and calling out to me when he's leaving a room?_

"Yeah?"

"I agreed with your dad about playing it cool in front of Charlotte, she is in a very sensitive emotional state right now and the tiniest thing could set her off." he had that cocky smile on his face again, the smile that made me want to punch him in the throat.

"Okay. I've already talked about this with my dad, I understand. _Everyone _understands," I wanted him to understand that this wasn't something that would come in-between Bella and I. She and I were on the same page when it came to handling Char and her craziness.

His smirk dropped a little as it settled in what I meant. He forced his face to stay neutral as he turned and entered the bathroom.

"Edward, I cannot believe you told him that," Bella scolded me as soon as he was gone.

"What part?" I asked in confusion.

"About me being _busy_. Now he thinks that we were doing naughty things together," she huffed as a blush started to bloom on her cheeks.

"Weren't we?" I asked as I gave her my signature crooked grin.

"Well yes, but he didn't need to know that!"

"I disagree with you. He did need to know, so that way he keeps his eyes and his hands to himself," I said as I gently set her on her feet. As much as I would like to keep her in my arms, I knew that it wasn't possible. At least not right now.

She gave a small huff as she rolled her eyes. "Let's go eat."

I followed her small frame through the doorways; I allowed my eyes to trace the lines of her body from behind. I loved how small and delicate she looked, I loved the way her tiny waist tapered into her hips and I definitely loved the way those hips swayed as she walked. She must have sensed my eyes on her, because an unexplainable blush spread down her neck.

"Are you blushing?" I asked with laughter in my voice.

"Are you watching me walk?" she responded without stopping to turn around.

"Yes."

"Then yes I am blushing."

I let a throaty laugh then, everything about this girl- no woman- pulled me in. And I didn't want it to stop. I kept my eyes on her back as we walked in to the dining room, the slight dim of voices halting at our sudden appearance.

"Oh, there you two are," my mom exclaimed as she shot out of her chair. She rushed over to the china cabinet and proceeded to start pulling out plates and silverware for us.

"I can do that mom," I said.

"I've got it," she said waving me towards the table that was laden with food. She must have poured her grief and frustration into cooking, there was a spiral ham on a platter next to it was an over flowing bowl of mashed potatoes. The gravy boat was full of her homemade brown gravy and there was a huge bowl of salad off to the side. Completing the picture was the homemade rolls and butter that still had steam rising from them. My stomach growled at the sight, I hadn't had such a meal since…well since I left home.

The conversations picked back up in the room, my dad and grandparents were talking quietly at one end of the table. While my uncles families were congregated at the other end. I noticed that my cousin, Emmett, and who I assumed was his wife were seated next to my uncle. I had never met his wife in person but I remember seeing pictures of the two of them together back when I was in high school. Her name was Daisy or Lily…

"Hey Edward," Emmett called out around a mouth full of food. His wife, Violet? Reached out and slapped him upside the head.

"Chew your food before you speak," she reprimanded him.

"Sorry Rosie," he actually looked a contrite. Rosalie! That was her name. I remember thinking that she was pretty back in the day; of course, I had only seen pictures. She was an amazing looking woman, in that tall, blonde and beautiful way. But the stern look around her eyes threw me off; she seemed distant and cold even sitting amongst a group of people that were grieving.

I thought for a second that she was going to introduce herself to me but she flicked her cold blue eyes from me to Bella and then dropped them to her plate.

_What the fuck?_

It wasn't like she was being cruel; it was more like she was blank. Her eyes were cold but vacant. She seemed to be the exact opposite of Emmett; he was always fun loving and warm. I guess what they say is true, opposites really do attract.

"Edward," a feminine voice called out. It was then that I noticed that Charlotte was tucked in a chair next dad.

"Charlotte," I addressed her awkwardly. Everyone quieted again at the sound of her voice, even Bella stiffened slightly next to me.

"Why don't you sit next to me," she nodded her head at the vacant chair to her right.

_Fuck!_

I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself. But her hand drifted to her stomach as she rubbed it absently. It was a quick reminder to me why I would sit next to her.

My nephew.

I didn't want to be the blame for anything happening to him. I chanced a quick glance at Bella; she nodded her head slightly, letting me know that she understood why I had to do it. I quirked a quick grin at her, one that told her that I would rather be sitting next to her.

I stepped around the table and sat in the chair that was suddenly too close to Char. I tried to be discreet in moving it. I wasn't.

"Edward, you don't need to move away. It's not like we haven't been closer than this before," Char cooed softly. I was hoping it was soft enough that no one else heard. But assuming by the way my dad's head turned slightly towards us, I knew that he had heard.

"Yes, well that was a long time ago Char," I said vaguely. I wasn't sure what her state of mind was right now, so I tried to be diplomatic with my answers. I didn't want anything I said to set her off.

"Not that long ago," she giggled almost as if she was sharing in some intimate conversation.

My eyes shot up to find Bella, I wanted, no needed to see her. Even being five feet away from her was killing me.

_Well what are you going to do when you five thousand miles away? _My subconscious jeered.

Shit that wasn't something that I wanted to think about now. Just being on the opposite sides of the house was too much; I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to be on opposites of the country. That thought caused my stomach to revolt making the plate of food that my mom sat in front of me look unappetizing. I forced my mind away from New York and thoughts of leaving Bella and tried to focus on how her mahogany hair glistened under the chandelier lights. She didn't notice me staring, as she was involved in an animated conversation with Alice.

She was really into whatever she was saying, as her hands were flying around and her mouth seemed to being going a million miles a minute. I was stunned to say the least, that kind of behavior I expected from my cousin but not Bella. She always seemed so calm and collected, it had me wondering what she was so passionately speaking about. I would have to ask her later when we were alone.

"It's disgusting isn't it?" Char sneered into my ear cause me to stiffen at her closeness. She must have moved her chair closer while I was lost in my Bella induced daze.

"What's that Char?" Something on her plate must not be sitting right in her stomach.

"Bella."

"What about Bella, Charlotte?" my voice came harsher then I intended, but I couldn't handle her bashing Bella.

"It's disgusting how she throws herself at every person in this family. I mean she did it with Eli all the time, and she had your parents wrapped around her finger from the first time they met her. And look at her know, trying to be all buddy-buddy with your cousin," she said with a wave of her hand in Bella and Alice's direction.

I felt the anger bubbling inside me; I fought to keep my control on my temper. I knew that exploding at Char was not going to any good, if nothing it would cause more problems between me and my dad. Plus I didn't to see the smug look on Dr. Banner's face when I fucked things up.

"She's not throwing herself at my family, she is grieving Eli's loss just like the rest of us," I stated calmly.

"See, she already has you bamboozled. You're defending just like everyone else. _'Oh Bella's perfect…Bella loves everyone…..Bella can do no wrong'_ I'm so sick of and tired of everyone thinking Bella is soo amazing. One day you will all see what a manipulative bitch she really is and when that day comes I will be soo happy to be able to say I told you so!"

I gritted my teeth together then, forcing my mouth closed so that I didn't say the words that desperately wanted to shot the fuck out of it.

"I think that you need to cool it when it comes to Bella. She was Eli's best friend and I don't think he would appreciate you speaking about her like this," I tried to keep my voice as even as possible. But the fact that Dr. Banner chose that moment to re-enter the dining room and zone in on the free chair right next to Bella, didn't help my anger issues. Nor did the look he flashed me as he sat down next to her. Her eyes flashed to mine for a second, almost like she was gauging my reaction. I forced myself to give her a tight smile. It was only for dinner and as long as Dr. Banner kept his wandering hands to himself, then I'll keep my punching fists to myself.

"Whatever Edward," Char said interrupting my silent looks with Bella. "One day you'll see."

I decided negate this conversation, it wasn't a good idea for either of our mental well-beings.

"How are you feeling Char?" I asked with real concern. She may have done some really fucked up stuff to me, but she was also my brother's widow and the soon to be mother of his only child. I couldn't help but feel some sort of compassion for her. Even if it was only a tiny bit.

"I'm… I'm…. well I'm surviving," she murmured softly. She seemed to be slightly taken aback by my question almost as if she wasn't expecting my concern. I guess even in her deluded brain she still understood on some level that I didn't like her.

"This all must be very over whelming for you," I said really taking in her haggard appearance for the first time. She looked tired, there were bags lining both of her red-rimmed eyes. Her normally bouncing blonde hair lay in limp strands around her face. Even her lips were dry and cracked.

"I just miss him," she said in a thick voice. "I never thought that he would be gone like this, I don't know if I can do this alone."

"You're not alone, Char." Her hope filled eyes flicked up to mine. I realized then that what I had said could be misconstrued into something else.

"My family is here for you. My mom and dad would do anything for you and the baby," I said hurriedly trying to cover up my tracks.

The hope dimmed in her eyes then. "I know."

My dad thankfully turned towards Char then and started a conversation with her about something and it left me to my own devices. This basically meant that it gave me the opportunity to stare at Bella without being noticed by anyone-Charlotte-else. I expected to find her still in a lively conversation with Alice. But that isn't what I found.

She was sitting stiffly in her chair, her jaw tense and posture straight. I watched as her fork dragged through the mashed potatoes on her plate, making a quiet scraping noise against the glass. I probably wouldn't have even heard it if I wasn't staring so intently at her. I tried to find what had caused the complete turnaround in her demeanor. It was when she shifted subtly that I finally found the source of her discomfort.

Dr. Banner.

_Mother fucker!_

He had settled himself conveniently in the chair next to Bella, his chair was situated at tad too close to her, not enough to catch anyone's eye but close enough that his leg seemed to be brushing against hers under the table.

I gripped my fork tighter in my hand then, trying to remember why it would be a bad idea to stab in the throat with it. The something happened that about brought about my fork fantasy. His fucking arm came up and around and rested on the back of Bella's chair. It was an innocent enough movement at first, but then his fingers lightly brushed against her shoulder causing the fork in her hand to clatter loudly to her plate.

"Are you alright, Bella," my mom asked quickly, concern laced her tone.

"I'm fine Esme, it just slipped from my fingers," she said stiffly, her cheeks painted a soft red in embarrassment.

My mom gave her a soft smile and then turned back to the conversation that she had been having with my Gran.

But through it all, Dr. Banner's fingers still slightly caressed her shoulder.

I gripped my fork tighter, feeling the edges dig into the flesh of my palm. I didn't know what I had to do but I had to do something.

"Bella, would you like a roll," I blurted out before I put real thought behind. I hastily grabbed up the basket of bread sitting in front of me.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me then, but it didn't matter because the look of relief that flickered across her face was enough to let me know that she knew what I was doing and was grateful.

"Sure," she breathed out. I noticed that the fingers that were still tracing slightly on her shoulder faltered for a moment. Bella stuck out her hand, in an attempt to grab the basket from me. Yeah, I don't think so.

I stood abruptly, with every intention of taking the rolls to her and maybe stabbing someone in the throat. My father cleared his throat, in an attempt to remind me of the precarious situation that we found ourselves in.

For a moment I was tempted to let the whole room know what my intentions were with the brunette beauty that was staring at me with wide doe eyes. Her feelings and thoughts were the only thing that truly mattered in this moment. Fuck Charlotte, she made her own bed. Why the fuck should it be my responsibility to keep her sane?

_The baby. Eli's baby._ The voice in my head started repeating that, almost like it was becoming a mantra that kept me in check. So instead of swooping in and yanking Bella into my arms, all the while informing Dr. Banner that he can keep his fucking hands to himself, I decided to be a little less conspicuous about it.

Everyone had gone back to their dinners and conversation, with the exception of Bella and Dr. Banner. Both of whom were watching my movements intently. But I chose to ignore the hateful looks coming from the good doctor; I kept my eyes firmly planted on the woman that had stolen my heart.

"Here you go beautiful," I breathed into her ear as I set the basket on the table next to her. My body was angled over her shoulder, the shoulder that those fucking fingers were still touching. I clenched my jaw, fighting to regain control of myself, when the most brilliant plan came to mind. I had found a way to remove his hand and make it look like a fucking accident.

And some people said I wasn't smart. Well not really, most people know that I am a fucking genius, but whatever.

I leaned my hip bone sharply into his forearm that was resting on the back of her chair. I made sure to add enough pressure to get the point across, but not enough to break the bone.

His sharp intake of breath and the instant removal of his offending hand, gave me a victorious rush. I made sure to make eye contact with him then, to make sure that he understood the point I was trying to prove. The set of his jaw said that he completely understood.

"Would you like a roll also, Dr. Banner?" I asked innocently. I leaned over Bella again, another reminder to him that she was mine, and grabbed up the basket and offered it to him.

"No, I'm fine," he answered curtly. I watched as his hand fluttered to his forearm the, massaging the spot that I had pressed into lightly.

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face then. "If you're sure." I plopped the basket nest to him on the table and returned to my seat.

_Got to love a point proven._

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**Symphiann**


	15. Chapter 15

_**I want to give a shout out to all of my fab readers and reviewers, you guys sure no how to make a girls day!**_

_**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she deals with all of my crazy grammar mistakes and polishes this story until it shines! She is the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse movies, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**_

_Last Chapter:_

_His sharp intake of breath and the instant removal of his offending hand, gave me a victorious rush. I made sure to make eye contact with him then, to make sure that he understood the point I was trying to prove. The set of his jaw said that he completely understood._

_"Would you like a roll also, Dr. Banner?" I asked innocently. I leaned over Bella again, another reminder to him that she was mine, and grabbed up the basket and offered it to him._

_"No, I'm fine," he answered curtly. I watched as his hand fluttered to his forearm the, massaging the spot that I had pressed into lightly._

_I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face then. "If you're sure." I plopped the basket nest to him on the table and returned to my seat._

_Got to love a point proven._

Thankfully, Dr. Banner excused himself right after dinner. Moreover, he kept his fucking hands to himself. For which I was glad. I didn't think I could restrain myself from beating the fuck out of him if he touched her again.

Bella disappeared into the kitchen with my aunt and Alice to help clean up from dinner. My grandparents retired to their room and my uncle and Emmett decided to watch whatever football game was playing on the television.

It was then that I realized that this would be the perfect time to discuss everything with my parents. To, finally, be able to say everything that needed to be said.

"Hey, dad," I said before he had a chance to leave the table. "Do you think that you and mom would like to have that talk now?"

"I think that we would love to have this talk now. I just wished that it would have happened ten years ago," he said gruffly, I could see the threat of tears glistening in his eyes.

"It should have, if I had only waited instead of reacting," I said my throat tightening.

"Stop right there Edward, this is just as much my fault, if not more. I have a lot of things to make up for and I'm just thankful that I am getting a chance."

"I'm thankful for the chance also," I replied softly as I headed up the stairs to his office.

"I'm going to go get your mother, we'll meet you up there," he said as he turned towards the kitchen.

"Okay."

I settled myself into one of the chairs facing the fireplace in his office; I contemplated making myself a scotch but quickly decided that I wanted a clear mind for this conversation.

I heard my parents enter the room silently, both of the choosing to settle on the couch across from me. Their entwined hands lay in-between to two of them. I could only hope that, that will be Bella and me one day. Still together and still in love.

_Slow it down there Casanova, you've only know Bella for a few days. Who knows where this is all going._

I readjusted my thoughts quickly. Now was not the time to get into an internal debate over where I was going with Bella, even if I had high hopes.

"I don't know where to start," I said awkwardly. I really didn't. How do you apologize for disappearing for a decade?

"Then let me," my dad said softly. I saw him squeeze my mom's hand gently and then took a deep breath. "I made a lot of mistakes when it came to you, Edward. I wish so badly that I could go back in time to correct them."

I started to interrupt him there. He wasn't the one who made the mistake, it was me. "No, let me finish please. I've re-wrote this conversation a million times in my head and even now it doesn't live up to what I need to say to you."

"I guess I'll start with telling you that I love you and we have missed you so much," his voice trembled slightly there. My mom reached her free hand out to pat him softly on the arm. "You and Eli are our biggest accomplishments in life. I was always so proud of everything both of you did and when you told me that you wanted to follow in my footsteps in becoming a doctor, I was ecstatic. It was one of my proudest moments in life."

"I let my own excitement judge the situation, if I had only stepped back from everything and really looked at what you were saying, then I would have known that you didn't really want that. You loved playing the piano, I loved that you loved that. I just wish that I would have put your wants before my own."

I looked at him for a moment. I couldn't believe that he felt that way. I know that I threw it in his face that he forced me to go pre-med but I really don't believe that, not deep down. I chose that profession because I thought that it would make Charlotte proud, that by being a doctor we could have everything that my parents had. I don't just mean the house and the cars, but the love the two of them shared.

"Please don't blame yourself for that Dad. When I said those things to you, I only did it out of anger of the situation that I had found myself in. I knew that you and mom weren't just going to let me leave so I grasped at straws and said what I had to, to go," I tried to explain. "I wanted to be a doctor at one point; I thought that it was the best track to choose so that I could support Charlotte and make a good life for ourselves. I was a stupid, naïve teenager with no idea of what real love was or what a real relationship was. I just wanted to have this perfect relationship that I failed to recognize what was going on underneath my nose."

I stopped there to take a breath. I knew that talking about everything that happened with Eli and Char was something that needed to happen but I almost couldn't find it in me to say what needed to be said. It felt like I was slaying my brother's character. Him dying bridged the gap between my hate for him and my forgiveness. The anger that once was harbored so deep in my heart was loosened and falling away.

"I'm sure that Eli," my voice cracked slightly on his name. I had to wonder how many years and times saying his name, it would take before it didn't hurt to say it. "Told you about what happened but I need you to understand what I experienced that day."

Both of my parents nodded their heads, my mother was silently crying, as much as I wanted reach out to her, I knew that I needed to get this out.

"The day that I left started out a lot differently than it ended. I felt like I was on top of the world when I left the house that morning. I was young, in love and just turned eighteen. I felt like I had the world at my fingertips. I set out to Char's house with every intentions of putting a ring on her finger."

A sharp gasp from my mom caused me to stop. "What?"

"You were going over there to propose?" she asked in bewilderment, her body rigid.

"Not propose, but I had a promise ring picked out. I wanted to mark her as mine but I also knew, rationally, that we were much too young to be engaged. So I thought a promise ring was a good start." I cocked my head to the side and looked at my parents in confusion. "You didn't know that I was going to give her a promise ring?"

"No. We had no idea," my dad answered.

"Eli knew, he helped me pick out the ring," I said without the usual bitterness that accompanied that thought.

"What?" My dad's face was a mask of shock and confusion. I was starting to get really confused this seemed like something that they should have known.

"Didn't Eli tell you any of this?" I asked in confusion.

"No, he told us that you caught them in a compromising situation and that you rushed out of there and that was that that. We figured that was the whole story," my mom explained with a heartbroken look in her eyes. I hated that I was doing this to them, causing more pain on top of the pain that was already there.

"I don't know why he didn't tell you the truth, maybe he wanted to downplay mine and Char's relationship so that you didn't harbor any hard feelings towards her," I offered. I didn't really know why he would not tell them the truth. The only thing that I could figure was that he wanted to protect himself and Char. I didn't want to dwell on it though; I didn't want to plant any more seeds of resentment in my mind.

"He should have told us the truth," my dad said after a minute. "It would have helped explain your anger a little better."

I shook my head at them. "It doesn't matter. I don't want to dwell on it, I've been too angry for far too long and I don't want to be anymore. I just want to put everything between Eli and me to peace so that I can just love my brother and remember him fondly." I broke then; the tears and emotions that I was trying so hard to keep at bay overwhelmed me. I dropped my head into my hands and cried. I cried for my brother, I cried for the time that I lost with my family and I cried for me. I cried for the bitterness that I let dictate my life and turn me into a hardened shadow of a man; a man that I was never supposed to be. I thought back to the boy that I was at eighteen and his idealistic views that he had on life.

I remembered thinking that by the time I was thirty I would have a whole life, a fulfilling life. I would the wife and the kids. I would have the house and the white picket fucking fence. I never thought I would be two years shy of that age and be living in a shoebox apartment in New York City all by myself and the most meaningful relationship that I had would be with a ninety-year-old man that lived down the hall from me.

Somewhere in my grief, I felt my mom's arms wrap around me. I knew it was my mom from the smell alone; her smell should be bottled and sold to the highest bidder. I wish that I had her smell somewhere in my apartment back home; it would have made some of the more lonely times in my life a little less lonely.

"I missed you," I croaked out. "I missed you so fucking much."

"Oh Edward," I heard her sob. "I never stopped thinking about you or missing you."

I don't know how long I sat there wrapped in my mom's arms. It was exactly what I needed though.

"I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry I didn't come home earlier," I stuttered out. "I should have come home before this. I should have made amends a long time ago."

"It's not just you Edward, your father and I should have come to make things better. We just were so lost and confused by your anger, we thought that giving you time was the right thing to do, but then so much time passed that it felt impossible to find the right road to take."

"I know that feeling," I murmured. It's a scary feeling not knowing how to find your way back home. "How did you know I was in New York?"

"Eli," my mom said as she pulled away and returned to her seat next to my dad. "He told us that he found you in New York and filled us in the details that he knew."

"Why didn't you come then?" I asked, not that I didn't blame them for not, it's not like they would have thought that they were welcome in my life, in my home.

"We did come," my dad said softly.

"You came to New York?"

"Yes, about two years ago."

"Why…how….why?" I couldn't even phrase the question.

"We came there with every intention of talking to you and setting things right but…" my dad faltered there.

"But?"

"We couldn't. We spent three days there, hanging on the outskirts of your life. We sat out in front of your apartment, we watched you perform with the symphony. But when it came time to talking to you we froze, and in that, time the fear set in and we ran. I know that, that sounds lame and selfish, but we were both so scared of being rejected again. Plus you looked happy for the most part, you looked like you had moved on with your life. We didn't want to come rushing in and bring up everything that had happened and ruin what you had going on," my dad rushed to explain.

I sat back in shock for a moment. They had to come to New York City to see me, which they managed to accomplish without me seeing them. What would I have done if I had seen them?

I don't know.

Two years ago, I was still the hardened angry man. They thought I looked happy, but I wasn't.

"You thought I was happy?"

"For the most part. You seemed to love your job and we saw you with a pretty, little blonde-haired woman, we thought that you had your whole life together, one that we didn't fit in any more.

_A pretty, little blonde-haired woman? Two years ago?_

For the life of my I couldn't even remember who they were talking about. The thought that I had been that heartless caused my gut to wrench. I hated that I had been the person, to fucking afraid to get hurt so I hurt other people instead. Not physically of course, but emotionally.

"I wasn't happy. The only time I feel anything close to that emotion is when I am playing."

I paused to thrust my hand through my hair, it was a common trait that Eli and I shared and by the fresh tears glistening in my mom's eyes I knew that I wasn't the only one that remembered that.

"Is it hard?" I asked both of them.

"Hard?" my dad's voice was laced in confusion.

"Is it hard looking at me and seeing him," I breathed out. I don't know why I asked it, the answer to that question had the real possibility to crush me.

"Oh Edward," my mom sighed. "You don't truly think that do you?"

My absent words seemed to be enough of an answer for her.

"We see you, baby. You and Eli may be identical but to us you look nothing alike. Did I ever tell you what I told your dad in the hospital right after I gave birth to you?"

I shook my head no at her. A wistful smile came across her face then; no doubt, her mind was taking her back to that day, the day that her two little boys laid in her arms together.

"The nurse was standing next to the bed cooing over you two, even as babies you had the women's attention, she looked at me and said that she felt sorry for me that it was going to be impossible to tell you apart. She started giving me suggestions on how to do that, like marking one of your feet with a marker. But I didn't need her suggestions; I'll tell you exactly what I told her."

"I never thought you looked alike. When I look at you I see Edward, my brave little boy that was so full of love and passion and when I looked at Eli, I saw my compassionate little man, with a big heart and soft eyes. I never had a trouble, not once, telling you apart. So no Edward, it's not hard looking at you. Because when I look at you, I see you."

I felt the tears leaking out of my eyes again; I don't think I had ever cried this much in my entire life.

"Thank you," I managed to get out.

"For?"

"For seeing me."

I don't know how much longer we sat in that office together. But when I left it, I was beyond emotionally drained but I also felt renewed. The holes that had resided in my chest were starting to fill up and make me a whole man again. It saddened me to realize that there was one hole that would never heal.

Eli.

As I slowly ascended the stairs, I almost found myself going in the direction of Bella's room but after a quick check of my watch, I realized that it was much too late to do that. She needed her rest; she was dealing with his loss to. As much as I felt like I needed her right now, needed to feel her arms around me, I knew that it would be selfish of me to wake her. So I forced my way back up the stairs not stopping until I reached my door.

It was then that I noticed that the light in my room was on.

"_Not fucking again."_

I was going to freak the fuck out if Charlotte was in there. I pushed the door open roughly, the edge of it banging against the wall. The figure that was curled up on my bed shot up with a start.

"Bella?" I gasped out in surprise.

"Hey," she said awkwardly rubbing her sleep-swollen eyes. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

I nodded my head at her as I walked towards the bed. "Not that I mind, at all, but are you doing up here?"

She released a heavy sigh before patting the spot next to her. "I thought that you might need someone after your talk with your parents."

"Not someone Bella, you. I need you," I said as I folded my body around and brought her down onto the bed with me.

Once we were situated under the covers and locked around each other, I heard her say softly, "I need you too."

**Man that was heavy chapter….I should have given a tissue warning at the beginning!**

**Now I've done my job with writing this chapter for you all ;) and here's the part that you come in and give me a review…..come on, you know you want to!**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	16. Chapter 16

**I want to give a shout out to all of my fab readers and reviewers, you guys sure no how to make a girls day!**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she deals with all of my crazy grammar mistakes and polishes this story until it shines! She is the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, all three movies, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

_Last Chapter:_

_"Bella?" I gasped out in surprise._

_"Hey," she said awkwardly rubbing her sleep-swollen eyes. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."_

_I nodded my head at her as I walked towards the bed. "Not that I mind, at all, but are you doing up here?"_

_She released a heavy sigh before patting the spot next to her. "I thought that you might need someone after your talk with your parents."_

_"Not someone Bella, you. I need you," I said as I folded my body around and brought her down onto the bed with me._

_Once we were situated under the covers and locked around each other, I heard her say softly, "I need you too."_

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Waking up next to Bella the next morning was the beyond indescribable, with her in my arms it almost, almost being the keyword there, made me forget what had brought me home and what I had discussed with my parents last night. I tried not to focus too much on some of the things said, the things that had to with Eli. I was still trying to work out in my mind why he never told our parents how serious I was about Charlotte, the only theory I could come up with was that he kept it a secret to cover his own ass. And that thought pissed me off. It made the anger that I thought was slowly leaving start to fester again.

It pissed me off that he got to act as if I just took off because I found him and Char were dating. He got to look like a young dumb kid who made a wrong choice but he left me looking a huge asshole. A huge asshole that ran on his whole family with no real reason.

_Ugh! I need to stop thinking about this it is only counterproductive._

And like always, the guilt for being angry at my dead brother set in and I found it hard to breathe again.

"What's that look for?" Bella's sleep fogged voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, I didn't wake you did I?" I asked, avoiding her question. Now was not the time to go into all things Eli.

"No, I woke naturally," she said giving me a smile. "But that wasn't the answer to my question."

I sighed heavily. I needed to learn that I wasn't ever going to be able to put something past her.

"Is the answer to your question telling you how fucking adorable you look when you wake up?" I asked hopefully. I wasn't lying she did look fucking adorable. Her normally wavy chestnut hair lay in tangled knots, her eyes still a little puffy from sleep and she had indented lines on her cheek from her pillow.

"Well it may distract me for a minute but only a minute."

"Well I love your hair like this," I reached up and ran my hand through some of the tangles there. "And these creases make me want to kiss you senseless."

I traced my fingers down the fading red line on her cheek.

"What's stopping you then?" she asked coyly, batting her long lashes at me.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," I murmured before I pressed my lips firmly to hers. It didn't take long before our simple kisses became much more, I ran my tongue along her plump bottom lip, wanting nothing more than to plunge it into her waiting mouth. She gasped softly as she opened her mouth to me, I didn't waste any time exploring her tongue with my own.

I felt one of her small hands wrap itself into the hair at the nape of my neck and pull gently, emboldened by her sounds and movements, I rolled us over until I was situated between her legs and my ever growing arousal pressed firmly against her thigh. I tried not to press against her to firmly; I didn't want to rush her into anything. Even though it was hard to remember why I thought, it was better to wait.

She was having none of that, as she rolled her hips into me, rocking until she found what she found what she was looking for. My hard-on.

"Fuck," I gasped once I felt her heat through her thin pajama bottoms.

"Uh huh," she moaned.

I plundered her mouth with my tongue, fighting her for control of the kiss. She was yanking on my hair like it was going out of style, but I can't say that I was complaining, as it felt fucking awesome. Between her mouth, her hair pulling, and her hot core rocking against me, I was close to coming in my pants like a thirteen-year-old boy. Which was something that I hadn't done since I was about thirteen?

"Please," she begged slightly, rocking her hips into mine again.

"Please, what?" I asked pulling away from her and giving her what I hoped to be a sexy smirk.

"You know what," she mumbled as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"This?" I asked as I rocked against her again.

"Yes," it came out a gasp of pleasure. I wanted nothing more than to peel her pajamas off and give her what she wanted. But there was that thought in the back of my mind that it wasn't something that I wanted to do in my parent's house, with everyone right down the hall. Anyone could come knocking at any moment and that was all I needed was for my Nana to come and interrupt my happy time.

"As much as I would love to give you what you want, love, now is probably not the best time," I groaned out, waiting for my dick to detach itself from my body and choke me to death.

"Huh?" she asked pulling away from me slightly so that she could see my face. "You don't want me?"

The look of rejection and hurt on her face almost made me give in and just finish what we started but common sense somehow still prevailed in my brain.

"I think you can tell I want you," I punctuated that statement by thrusting against her softly, making sure she knew exactly how much I wanted her. "But I don't want our _first _time to be just down the hall from my nana and pops."

"Oh," she gasped, her mouth making the perfect O. I about groaned in defeat there. "I didn't think about that."

"Well, I wouldn't be either if I didn't know how my family works. I'm surprised that someone hasn't knocked on the door yet. Remember just yesterday when my dad interrupted us?" I reminded her.

"Yes, of course I remember," she said with a brilliant blush spreading across her cheeks. "How could I forget?"

"I have ways of making you forget," I joked, cocking my eyebrow up at her.

"Ha ha," Bella laughed, slapping at my chest.

"Bella, in all seriousness, I want to be with you in every way imaginable, but I want it to be perfect….and just the two of us. Because the thought of my mom walking in on us, kind of turns things south for me if you know what I mean."

"I understand," she said softly, biting her plump bottom lip.

"Do you?" I had to make sure that she knew that this was not a fucking rejection. It was a promise.

"I really do, I promise," she assured me looking up at me from under lashes.

"Okay then, we needs to get out of this bed then. Because I only have so much self-control and I assure you that it is almost fucking gone."

"What if I want it gone?" she teased as she shifted her hips under me.

I think I actually growled then, fucking growled.

"That's hot," she murmured against my throat.

"What?"

"You growling," she said as she nibbled on my neck.

"I have to get up," I groaned. I knew I had about fifteen seconds before I lost it.

"I think you're already up," she teased as her hand slipped down my chest, coming incredibly close to touching me exactly where I wanted her too.

I jerked my body off hers just before her hand found the glory land, but in the attempt of getting away, the blankets tangled around me and went flying off the bed and landed loudly, might I add, onto the unforgiving floor.

"Ugh," I groaned in pain.

"Are you alright?" Bella asked as she poked her head over the side of the bed.

"Ow."

"Baby?" she asked, but then started busting up laughing.

"Not funny," I said rolling over onto my side and rubbing my aching bum.

"It's.." snort "really" snort "kind" snort "of" snort "funny"," she chortled.

"Laugh it up," I grouched.

"I now see why" snort "that you" snort "laugh at me" snort "when I fall" You look" snort "so funny" snort "on the floor" snort "tangled in the" snort "blankets."

I'm pretty sure she wasn't even breathing now. Her face was turning purple and she was gasping in between snorts. If she wasn't so fucking cute then I might have been annoyed. Plus it was really nice to see her laugh, the sad look that had haunted her eyes since I had meet her seemed to dim a bit in the face of my embarrassment.

"Sure laugh at the hurt guy," I joked sternly.

"Oh baby," she said as she tried to control of her laughter. "Are you hurt?"

She slowly lowered herself off the bed and onto the floor next to me.

"Maybe a little," I pouted up at her. Come on, of course I was going to fucking milk this.

"Want to show Bella where you hurt?" she baby talked me.

"Right here," I pointed to my rear.

"Oh no," she exclaimed. "Poor baby hurt his rump."

I don't know how she was keeping a straight face while talking like that.

"Do you want Bella to kiss it better?" she murmured as she leaned over me.

"Uh huh."

"Show me again where it hurts," her voice took on a husky tone. Who knew that Bella was turned on by the nurse role? That was something that I needed to file away for a later date.

"Right here," I said pointing to the sore spot on my tailbone.

She leaned down and pressed her lips to the spot that I had indicated. My breath hitched in my throat at how close she was to where I dreamed about her being. The sore spot and the reason for why I toppled off the bed were forgotten as I yanked her up to me and crashed my mouth into hers.

"Mmm…," she groaned against my mouth.

I flipped us over so that she was under me, letting me rest my weight back on top of her.

"Weren't we stopping?" she uttered in between kisses.

"Nope," I managed to get out before I probed her mouth with my tongue.

Just as her hand was finding itself back into my hair, I heard my door swing open and the very distinct voice of my mom.

"Edward, I heard a thump and I wanted to….OH!" the last part of her statement came out in a surprised gasp.

I jerked up from Bella, her hand yanking my hair painfully. "Ouch!" I yelped.

"Sorry," Bella yelped as she yanked her hand back.

"I'm sorry, I should have knocked," My mom sputtered as she backed out of the room.

"Mom…we…" I started to explain.

"No! No need to explain," my mom about shouted. "I'm going to go."

She stumbled backwards, catching herself on the doorframe.

"Mom," I tried again.

"No, just go back to what you were doing," she sputtered out. The realization what of she said dawned on her face, because she actually blushed.

"Or don't… I just wanted to make sure you were okay and let you know that breakfast was ready."

"We'll be down in a minute," I offered, as I felt Bella tuck her face against my chest. I'm sure if I could see her face that it would be beet red.

"Whenever, no rush," my mom belted out as she skittered out the door, shutting it loudly behind her.

We laid there in silence for a moment. Me staring at the door and Bella still hiding against my chest. It took me a minute to fully digest what had just happened, but once it set in, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Are you laughing?" Bella's muffled voice came from under me.

"Yes," I snorted.

"This is not funny, Edward," she still hadn't come out of hiding.

"It kind of is."

"No, it's not. Now your mom is going to think that I am a hussy!" she shouted. Not that it was that loud given that she was still buried into my chest.

"No she won't. She loves you."

"Not anymore!"

"Yes, she does. It's going to take a lot more than finding us on the floor together to make my mom hate you! I promise," I said, trying to reassure her.

The look of horror on my mom's face came back then and I couldn't help but start to laugh again.

"Laugh it up," Bella groaned as shoved at my chest. "But that is the last time I'm going to be alone with you.'

I pulled myself off of her so that I could see her face. The blush that I had only guessed at was still at full force on her cheeks.

"You are never going to be alone with me?" I asked pouting.

"Nope," she said with a very stubborn look on her face that was currently flushed with embarrassment.

"Never?"

"Never!"

"I don't think you mean that," I said smirking at her.

"I do. I promise!" So she was going to be stubborn about this.

"Well then my family is going to be seeing a lot more than us making out on the floor."

"What?" she asked in confusion, her brow furrowing.

"Well, if we are never going to be alone, I guess I'll just have to do naughty things to you in public."

"You wouldn't," she gasped out.

"I would," I assured her.

"Edward," she whined then.

"Bella," I mimicked her voice.

"Now they'll know what we are doing."

"Like they wouldn't figure it out. We are in our late twenties, I'm pretty sure that they don't think that we are just talking in a bed behind closed doors," I tried rationalizing it.

Her cheeks starting burning bright again. "I never thought about it like that."

"Well, they have all been here before. So please don't worry, love, no one is judging you," I said leaning down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

"Okay," she murmured kissing me back a little deeper then I was planning on going.

"Fuck baby, if you start that again, I may not leave here and then we risk the chances of my Grams catching us this time," I half joked.

"Okay, get off of me!" she yelped as she shoved roughly against my shoulders causing me to topple backwards back onto the floor.

"Ouch, my bum hurts again," I whined.

"I'm not going to fall for that again," she huffed as she stood up. She cracked a small grin to let me know that she was joking.

"Are you sure?" I asked flashing her a very wicked grin.

"Very. Now I am going to head back to my room and get dressed, I'll see you downstairs," she said before she sprinted out the door.

I guess I wasn't the only one close to losing their self-control.

Groaning I picked myself up off the floor and proceeded to get ready for the day. After a quick shower, I dressed in a simple black hoodie and a pair of jeans. Slipping on a pair of chucks, I finally ready for breakfast.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Walking into the kitchen was little awkward as my mom was at the sink scrubbing at dishes and my dad was leaning against the counter smirking at me when I walked in.

"Good morning," I mumbled as I made my way to the coffee machine.

"So I've heard," my dad said with a playful glint in his eyes.

"Carlisle," my mom hissed from her place by the sink. The funny thing was that she never turned around.

"What dear? I was just remarking on the goodness of this morning," my dad feigned innocence.

I chose to ignore the two of them as I made my morning cup of coffee. I definitely needed caffeine if I was going to deal with my dad's ribbing. My back was to the door but I still knew when Bella entered the room by the sound of the quiet shuffling her feet made.

_Seriously, dude? You know the sound her feet make. You've got it bad…_

I didn't contradict myself, because I already knew I had it bad. I didn't know what I was going to do when it came time to go back to New York. Fuck, that was not something that I was ready to think about.

"Morning Bella," my dad about chortled out.

"Morning," her voice was laced with confusion.

"I take it that you slept well," my dad was not going to let this go.

"Very." She must not be putting two and two together. Thankfully. I dreaded the minute that she realized that my dad was totally in on our morning activities. She would really mean no alone time if she figured this out.

"Hey dad," I interrupted. "How are things at the hospital?"

The hospital was one thing that would always distract my dad, no matter what. Eli and I had learned early on that fact of life.

"Oh, things are great. We just got a new MRI machine. It's state of the art…." That's about where he lost me. We had about at least ten minutes before he got off his rant. I felt eyes burning into the back of my head, thinking that it was Bella, I turned. Nope, it was my mom smirking at me from the sink. She knew what I just did. Shit, I'm pretty sure she was the one that taught me that.

Catching Bella's eye I nodded towards the dining room. I picked up my hot cup of coffee and made my into the dining room.

_Please God, don't let Char be down here._

Thankfully, my prayers were answered. The only person sitting at the table was Emmett's wife Rose. Her steel blue eyes flickered to mine when I entered the room. It was almost unnerving the lack of emotion that was displayed there.

"Morning, Rosalie," I offered nicely.

"Morning," was her stiff reply. She turned her dead eyes back to her coffee.

I surveyed the spread that my mom had laid out. Fresh cinnamon rolls, toast with jam, three different kinds of cereal and a carafe of milk. I plucked a gooey roll from the plate and set it on a clean plate that she had set out. Just as I was seating myself, I heard Bella shuffle into the room.

"Morning Rosalie," my girl said sweetly. My eyes drifted over to Rose, wondering if her indifference was only towards me.

I was actually surprised by what I saw. And not in a good way. Rose had her steely eyes narrowed at Bella; it was almost as if she was glaring at her. I shifted my eyes to Bella to see how she was taking Rose's look.

Her brow was furrowed in confusion and after a minute of nothing but silence, she shifted uneasily on her feet and dropped her eyes to the table before skittering her way to the treats that my mom laid out.

I was thoroughly confused by what was going on. I flickered my stare back to Rose just in time to see a small victorious looking grin spread across her thin lips before her stared turned indifferent again. Surprisingly her gaze flickered to mine, her perfectly plucked brow raised for a second before she turned her gaze back to her coffee cup.

_What the fuck?_

I felt rather then saw Bella settle into the seat next to me. I leaned over conspicuously, trying to keep Rose's attention off of us.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"Yes." Her voice was even and distant.

"What the fuck was that about?" I tried to keep my voice down.

"I have no idea," she offered with her head bowed to the table.

"Huh."

"She has never liked me," she said quietly. "I don't know why."

_How could someone not like Bella?_

Thankfully, just minutes later Rose rose from the table and exited the room without a backwards glance at either of us.

"That was fucking weird," I announced after she was gone.

"Yes, it was."

"I wonder what her problem is," I wondered aloud. I already knew from the quiet conversation we had a few minutes ago that Bella really had no idea.

"Don't know. I met her at Eli and Charlotte's wedding, she has always been cool and distant towards everyone but even more so towards me," she replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Well just steer clear of her, okay?" it was almost ridiculous that amount of protectiveness that I felt towards this beautiful girl.

She grinned at me for a second before responding. "I don't think you need to worry about my safety around her. She has never done anything more then throw a few disdainful looks my way."

"Even so, I just feel very protective of you," I admitted for like the hundredth time.

"And I you."

"Good, then we understand each other?"

"Absolutely," she chuckled.

We ate in silence for the next few minutes. While I chewed the delicious cinnamon roll, I thought about what I needed to do today. I knew that there were still a few things that needed to be completed for the funeral tomorrow….

The funeral.

That thought almost knocked the wind out of me. Tomorrow I would say a final goodbye to my brother. The burning sensation that was becoming a familiar feeling started settling in behind my eyes.

Fuck! I didn't want to cry anymore! I knew that was a selfish thing to wish for, given what we all were going through, but crying all of the time was beginning to wear on my sanity.

The sound of Charlottes slightly nasally voice broke me out of my morose thoughts. It sounded like she was in the kitchen talking to my parents. I didn't want to face her; I didn't want to deal with anything right now. An idea came to me so suddenly that I almost jumped right from my chair. I knew what I wanted to do today, well at least for a couple of hours.

A couple of hours to get out of this house and away from the stuff that was starting to haunt me.

"Do you want to get out of here?" I asked Bella suddenly flipping in my chair to face her.

She must have also heard Char's voice because she nodded her head eagerly. "Please."

"Good, let me grab a few things, and I'll meet you on the back deck in about ten. Okay?"

"Okay," she said smiling at me. "Should I clean up our breakfast mess?"

I looked down at our two plates and empty coffee cups. The thought of running into Char in the kitchen made me visibly cringe. "Umm…" I didn't know what to say, I really didn't want to pass it off onto Bella.

Char's voice pitched again from the kitchen and Bella must have realized that is what I was cringing about. "I've got it," she offered. "You go ahead and get everything that you need for our outing."

"Are you sure?" I felt guilty about not facing my own problems, but I didn't want to chance being guilted into staying with Char today because of her condition and the fact that she was going fucking loony.

"Positive. Remember the conversation that we just had about being protective over each other?"

I nodded my head.

"Well this is me being protective over you," she said as she picked up our dishes. "Go get what you need and meet me out back, okay."

"Okay," I said shaking my head in wonder at this amazing woman.

I swiftly made my way up to my room, thankfully avoiding anyone *cough Char cough* that would distract me from my mission. There was somewhere that I wanted to take Bella. Somewhere that wasn't only special to me; it was also special to Eli.

**Thank you for reading! Do you know how you can make my day? Review…it is proven to be a perfect mood up lifter…seriously, my doctor told me so and doctors don't lie ;)**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	17. Chapter 17

**I want to give a shout out to all of my fab readers and reviewers, you guys sure no how to make a girls day!**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she deals with all of my crazy grammar mistakes and polishes this story until it shines! She is the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, all three movies, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

_Last Chapter:_

I swiftly made my way up to my room, thankfully avoiding anyone *cough Char cough* that would distract me from my mission. There was somewhere that I wanted to take Bella. Somewhere that wasn't only special to me; it was also special to Eli.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After I secured an old blanket and my thermal jacket, I rushed out to meet Bella on the back deck.

"Edward?" my mom called out just as my hand grasped the knob to the back door.

"Yes?" I tried not to groan aloud. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to my mom; I just didn't want to be in this house. I needed a breath, a moment away from everything.

"Are you going out son?" she asked poking her head into the mudroom that led to the back door.

"Just going for a walk."

"Alright, do you want any sandwiches to take with you?" she offered.

"Still full from breakfast, mom. But thank you."

"Okay then. I'll see you when you get back?" I noticed then that her eyes were full of hope and a little fear. God, I'm an idiot. She was afraid that I was running.

"Of course you will. I'm just heading out to the meadow," I explained hoping to relieve her fear a little.

"Well then have a nice walk sweetie," she said giving me a soft kiss on the cheek and leaving me.

I quickly slipped out the back door before anyone else could stop me. I found Bella waiting for me on the back porch.

"You got everything you need?" she asked giving me a small smile.

"Yep," I held up my backpack.

"Good, let's go."

I reached out and laced her fingers with mine. We didn't talk much on the way to the meadow. We just enjoyed the silence and fresh air. It felt lighter out here; the oppressiveness at the house was almost suffocating. Eli's memory lingered everywhere, it was always there, nagging and pulling on me until I felt like I was going to drown in my grief and guilt. It was in moments like that, that I knew that I was going to miss my brother for the rest of my life. I would never feel whole or complete again. His passing has left a whole in my heart that will never be healed.

I guess in time I would come to learn to live with the nagging pain that had taken up residence there, but I would never forget him and I would never stop missing him. When everything happened ten years ago, I missed him then. I remembered thinking then that nothing could hurt worse then his betrayal. Nothing could hurt worse then that, but I was wrong. Losing him in the definite way hurt way worse then anything that I had ever experienced. It was life altering. I would never be the same way because of this. It's somewhat funny to think and realize that the two things that have shaped my life the most were because of Eli.

His choices regarding Char set me on the path that I had been on the last ten years and now his death has set me on a new path. One that, hopefully, ended with Bella. Or merged with Bella. I could only hope that whatever was going on here between the two of us was the beginning not the ending.

I looked down at the girl that was dancing in my thoughts and I felt my chest tighten in a way that it had never done before. The faint sunlight was dancing off her hair and she had a small peaceful smile on her face. I was glad that getting out of the house for a while seemed to be relaxing her as well. She was so damn beautiful. She took my breath away.

_I loved her…_

No! That wasn't possible! There was no way that I…we could be there yet. So many things were still in between us. Like New York, I'm going to have to go home sooner rather then later, I have a life there, friends there (well a few friends) and a job there. A job that I loved. If there were one thing that I was proud of in the last ten years, it would be my job. I had figuratively broken my back to get where I was in the symphony. I had worked my way from last chair-to-chair one and it wasn't something that I was ready or willing to walk away from.

So where did that leave us? Would she be willing to move to New York? No, it was way too soon for that. Plus, how could I expect to her to give up her whole life here for me. It would be the most selfish thing that I would ever do.

Plus, there was Eli. Now that I knew about his feelings for Bella and his intentions with them made things a little more complicated. If Bella was going to be in my life for the long haul then there was no way that, I could keep what I know from her. I would have to find a way to tell her everything in a way that she would take no blame onto herself. The last thing that I wanted was for her to blame herself for Eli's death; I didn't want her to carry that around for the rest of her life. It wasn't her fault. It was drunk driver's fault.

"What are you thinking about that makes you look like that?" she asked breaking me out of my thoughts.

I thought for a second on how to answer that. I didn't want to lie to her, but telling her the whole truth at this point wouldn't be the best of ideas. I could only imagine how that would go.

"_Hey, Bella. I was just thinking about how I might love you and that freaked me out because I'm not sure how this is even going to work. Maybe you could pack up all your belongings and move to New York with me. Oh and top of all of that my brother was in love with you and contemplating leaving his very pregnant wife to be with you. He was on the road the night he died because he came to Forks to talk my dad about his feelings for you. So yeah, did you ever think that you may have loved him too?"_

Yeah, not the best idea.

"I'm just thinking about Eli," I gave her a much-shortened vague answer.

"I think about him a lot too." Her eyes took on the saddened look again. I'm sure that it was the same for her that it was for me; the sadness always right there on the fringe of everything. Waiting for its time to seep back in.

"What do you think about?" I asked. I was a little curious to what her thoughts were about.

"Oh, well I think about the times we spent together and the things that I learned from him," her eyes welled up with tears at her admission. "I'm just going to miss him so much."

"Me too," I offered. "Is that silly to say? I mean I haven't seen him for ten years and I missed him during that time, but this is final. Before, I knew that I could find him and now, I never will. He's gone."

"That's not silly, Edward," she said, placing her hand on my arm halting our steps. "It makes perfect sense. It's like walking a high wire and knowing you have a safety net below, but then suddenly the nets gone and everything feels more real."

She hit my feelings right on the nose.

"You're good at that."

"At what?" she asked, her brow rising slightly.

"Putting words to my feelings."

"Thanks," she said with a light blush.

"You would have made a great therapist," I told her.

"Yeah, well I make a better chef. I promise."

"I think that you may be even there," I said remembering her delicious dinner she made. The thought alone made my mouth water.

"Hmmm…so where is it that you are taking me?" she asked taking me back to the reason that we were standing in the middle of the woods.

"Oh," I said looking around. "We are almost there."

I grabbed her hand and continued the rest of the walk in silence. Before to long we were stepping in between the two giant pine tears that marked the entrance to the meadow. Eli and I had once joked that the pines represented him and I standing guard over our little peace of earth. It warmed my heart to think that they still stood there, strong and together. Something that Eli and I wouldn't ever be able to do again. It almost made me feel for a moment that my brother was there, watching me from above, standing guard over our family.

I stopped us before we walk between the pines. "This place was very special to Eli and I, we use to come here a lot growing up."

Her eyes went wide at my admission. "Is this the meadow?"

"You know about the meadow?" I asked in surprise.

"Of course, Eli told me a lot about your guys past. I think know about everything that there is needed to know about your childhood," she explained.

"But you've never been here?"

"Of course not! Eli was mum on the actual location to this place. I think he wanted to keep it just you and him. I think he felt like this was the one place you would always be." Her face held a hint of wistfulness almost as if she was reliving some moment in time.

"Does it make me the bad twin for bringing you here?" I kind of felt that way now that she had explained that Eli kept this place sacred.

"Oh Edward, I never meant to make you feel like that. Crap, not two minutes ago you were telling me what a great therapist I would have been and then I turn around and shove my big old foot into my mouth. This is exactly why I decided not to go into that line of work…"

I cut off her rant by pulling her close and latching my mouth onto hers. I never meant to make her feel bad, I was mostly joking by my comment. She responded with fervor, opening her mouth slightly and snaking her tongue out to lap slowly at my bottom lip. I fought every fucking urge I had not to slam her against one of those pine trees and have my way with her. I wanted to, more then I had ever fucking wanted anyone before. One of her tiny hands came up to bury itself into my hair and I about lost it. She was everywhere; in my mouth, pressed against my body, in my hair. I wanted her.

But not here, not in the one place that was all about Eli.

I regretfully pulled away. Not far, enough to pull her hand out of my hair, but far enough away that my lips were no longer pressed against hers.

"Well that's one way to shut me up," she breathed out huskily. The sound of her voice like that about made me abandon that not having my way with her plan. Almost.

"I wasn't trying to shut you up."

She was so close to me that I could see the dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose. The feeling that I had, had earlier came back full force and tried to claw its way out of my throat. I clamped my lips tight, fighting the natural urge to tell her that I loved her, that I would never love someone this way ever again and that I belonged solely to her and the sound of her heart beating.

"Sure you weren't," she joked.

"Really, love, I didn't want you to feel bad. I didn't mean that comment," I told her honestly. If she noticed my love slip, she didn't show it.

"Hmm…okay, but if you ever feel the need to shut me up that way again, feel free."

"I'll make note of that," I said finally releasing her from my grasp. Her hand slowly disentangled itself from my hair and I instantly felt the lost.

"You ready for this?" I asked taking her hand again.

She just nodded her head and squeezed my hand gently. I led her through the pines and into the meadow.

"Oh!" she exclaimed from behind me her hand tightening around mine. "It's lovely."

It looked the same to me. The same grass, the same trees, the same stream that ran at the edge of the field.

"Eli explained it to me, but his words were defiantly lacking." I looked back at her, watching as she took in her surroundings. "What it must have been like to grow up in a place like this."

"Didn't you have a special place to go when you were a kid?" I asked. I knew that we had talked about her past a little but she was still a mystery for the most part.

"Not really. Growing up in Seattle with just my dad, who worked for the police department, meant that I led a very sheltered life. Since my dad heard every horrible thing that was happening in the outside world, he tried to keep me indoors as much as possible. It kind of sucked, but now that I am older I understand that he was just trying to be protective," she explained.

"It would be hard to not only be a dad but also a cop. I could only imagine the horror stories that he would hear everyday. My dad was like that also, being at the hospital all the time and seeing the things that he did. Drunk drivers, overdose victims, it made him a little overprotective too. But instead of keeping Eli and I inside, he just made us come down to the hospital and witness first hand such tragedies."

"Eww…" Bella said with a slight giggle. "I couldn't imagine seeing all that blood and yuck."

"Yuck?" I grinned at her silliness.

"Yes, yuck. Blood and I do not get along."

"Really?"

"Yes really. I may faint at the sight or smell of it."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. This girl that had stolen my heart was nothing that I had expected or had even thought I had wanted. She was clumsy, which was endearing. She blushed at the drop of a dime, fainted at the sight of blood and didn't seem to have one bad bone in her whole body.

"It's so not funny," she huffed pulling her hand from mine.

"It's a little funny."

"You just wait, Edward Cullen, I'm going to find out some embarrassing things about you and totally exploit them for my benefit," she said stomping her way into the middle of the field.

She was too cute; she looked like an angry little kitten. Not that I would tell her that.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know. When I was ten, I split my shorts in gym class. When I was thirteen, I fell down the stairs at school. When I was fifteen, I got sick to my stomach in front of the most popular girl at school. I could go on if you want."

She turned and looked at me with pure amusement on her face. "No, that's fine. I think that's enough for now."

"Good, just let me know when you want to know more."

I walked over to where she stood and slid the pack off my back before I unzipped it. I yanked out the blanket that I had packed and swiftly spread it out on the ground in front of us.

"Have a seat," I motioned for her to sit. After she was settled, I folded my body down next to her, sliding my arm around her waist and pulling her down so she was lying on my chest.

We lay that way for a while; just watching the clouds slide by in a surprisingly blue sky.

"Did you really vomit in front of the most popular girl?" she asked breaking the silence after awhile.

"I did, all over her feet."

I felt her tiny body start shaking next to me with laughter.

"I know it is pretty funny."

"I just can't imagine you vomiting on a girl," she snorted.

"Yeah, well I wasn't always this cool and suave."

We spent the rest of the early afternoon talking and kissing…and well kissing. Kissing Bella wasn't anything I had ever experienced before, I mean I had been with my fair share of woman, but with her, it was so much more. It's wasn't about fucking or getting off. Fuck, I didn't want to rush it with her.

I was turning into a fucking girl.

But I couldn't help it; looking down at the girl in my arms, I wanted nothing more then to keep her right there for the rest of my life.

_Now I'm really losing it._

When did Edward Cullen ever think about just keeping a girl in his arms forever? Not since Char.

She was the last girl that I felt like this about. But even then, it was nothing like this, this was so much more. Comparing my feelings for Char to the ones that I have for Bella was like comparing a tree to an entire forest.

So basically, there is no comparison.

"I need to tell you something, Edward," Bella's soft voice broke me out of my thoughts.

I looked down at her face, she a very serious expression. Almost painfully serious.

"What is it?" I asked in concern.

"I know that this may seem too soon, but I just…I…"

"Edward," A voice broke through the trees and interrupted Bella.

"Edward," the voice came louder. Almost like, it was floating on the wind.

_Floating on the wind? Fuck, I really am turning into a girl._

"Is that Charlotte?" Bella asked pulling herself into a sitting position.

"I think so," I wasn't quite sure. It was definitely a female. It sounded distinctly like Char though.

Then it occurred to me that she shouldn't be out here, wandering alone in the woods pregnant.

_Fuck my life. Seriously._

"Fuck," I muttered angrily. Then I realized that Char shouting my name had interrupted whatever Bella was about to tell me. "What were you going to tell me?"

"It can wait," she said standing.

"No, it can't." I knew that I was being a child. But I was fucking pissed that Char had interrupted something that was important.

"It really can, Edward. Charlotte is going to be here any moment."

"You'll tell me later?" I asked pulling myself to my feet so that I was standing beside her, towering over her. She licked her lips, almost as if it was a reaction to my closeness. She must have seen me flicker my eyes to her lips, because she took a step back from me.

"We don't have time for that now, but later. Both of those things will have to wait until later," she amended.

"Ouch," I heard Char yell just from the mouth of the meadow. Then the sound of her falling.

"Fuck," I yelled, taking off in the direction of her scream. If anything happened to Eli's baby, I would never be able to live with myself.

I barely could now.

"Go to Char, I'll pack up our things," Bella called out behind me.

I saw her as soon as I broke through the guarding twin pines; she was sitting on the forest floor, rubbing her ankle.

"Char, are you okay?" I said as I got closer to her.

"Oh, there you are," she said with a smile. "I was looking everywhere for you."

"Are you hurt?" I asked squatting done next to her. I moved her hand off her ankle, it was slightly swollen and bruised looking but I was no doctor and I couldn't tell how bad it was.

"What are you doing out here, Char?" I asked, trying to pull my hand from hers. She was having none of that; she gripped mine tighter in hers.

"I was looking for you silly," she giggled as she clutched my hand tighter in hers.

_What the fuck?_

"You shouldn't be out here alone, Char. You could have seriously hurt your self and the baby," I reminded her.

"I know, but I just had to find you. It's so cute how you are so worried about the baby all the time," she giggled again.

_Worried about the baby all the time?_

"Char we should get you back to the house. My dad needs to check out your ankle. Can you walk?" I asked finally prying my hand from hers. She gave me a pouting look.

"I don't think I can, it hurts really badly," she looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. I knew that look, I had seen it a hundred times before, and she was totally playing this up. Fuck, I'm going to have to carry her.

Just as I made the move to pick her up, I heard a branch snap behind me. I turned my head just in time to see Bella exit the meadow with my backpack slung on her back.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" Char screeched below me. I turned my confused eyes on her.

"Calm down Char," I stated firmly. There was no way that I could handle her putting Bella down again. I may just leave her sorry hurt ass here.

"Don't tell me to calm down, Eli! I can't believe that you bring that whore to our special place," she screeched again.

_Eli? She fucking thought I was Eli. Fuck!_

"Char, I'm Edward. Remember, Eli…"

"NO!" Bella screamed out interrupting me. I looked at her in confusion. She gave me a desperate look, trying to convey something.

"Eli just wanted to show me the meadow Charlotte, that's it," Bella said frantically.

_Shit! Char was having a time lapse thingy. Why didn't I fucking notice that! I am such a fucking idiot!_

"Yeah, Bella's never been here before, so I thought I would show it to her," I said looking at her. Her brow was crumpled in anger; she was absolutely seething.

"You said that the meadow was a special place for us, Eli. How dare you bring that trash there?"

_Eli told Char that the meadow was special to them?_

"I take you to the meadow a lot then?" I asked in a monotone. I felt betrayed, I knew that it was silly to feel that way. I took Bella there. But for him to take Char of all people to the place that was his and mine. It made me sick.

"Of course, Silly," she giggle again. Her mood swings were starting to give me whiplash. "Well, not a lot since you proposed there. You said that it made you sad to come out here. But I guess that was a lie."

She gave a pointed look in Bella's direction. It took everything I had not to throttle the bitch. I was sick of her fucking games and I was sick of this. I needed to get her back to the house, so that I could deal with everything else. I didn't even want to think about the fact that he proposed here of all places, it was like a slap in my fucking face.

"I'm going to pick you up now, Char." I slipped my arms under her, and lifted her easily from the ground. For being as pregnant as she was, she didn't feel that heavy. I turned towards Bella who was giving me a pained yet sympathetic look. She knew that Char's comment had hurt. More then I was willing to admit.

"You're so strong, Eli," Char giggled again. "I'll have to make this up to you once we are in our room."

I about dropped her on her ass. The thought of her making anything up to me, made me want to vomit. I was definitely locking my door tonight.

"My dad needs to check out your ankle and then you should rest," I reminded her.

"Well after I rest then," she sent another pointed look in Bella's direction. I noticed the Bella had her eyes trained to the path in front of us though. She looked upset and I wanted nothing more then to stop and carry her home.

The three of us made our way back to the house quietly, thankfully. I didn't want to hear Char put Bella down anymore. I wanted to dump her ass onto her bed and escape to my room with Bella in tow.

I reached the porch first, but had to wait for Bella to open the door for me.

"Thanks," I said trying to catch her eye. But she just mumbled "Welcome" and shuffled in ahead of me.

I yelled out for my dad once we were inside. I needed to get the bitch out of my arms. Now.

"Edward?" my dad asked in confusion coming out of his office.

"This isn't Edward," Char stated in an annoyed voice. "This is Eli. Why is everyone calling him Edward? Edward hasn't been home in ten years."

My dad looked at me in understanding then. He got what was going on.

"Char took a spill in the forest and hurt her ankle," I said through gritted teeth.

"Oh! Well let's get you somewhere comfortable." My dad started up the stairs to the room Char was staying in.

"Are you okay to carry her, Ed…I mean Eli?" A flash of pain crossed my dads face then. It must gut him to call me by my brother's name right now.

"I'm fine."

We swiftly made it up the stairs and I could feel Bella behind me. I was thankful for that, because as soon as I dumped Char on the bed, I was picking Bella up. I followed my dad into the guest room and gently laid Char down.

"That'll do son, I'll take it from here," he avoided the name this time, which I was thankful for.

"Please stay with me, Eli?" Char begged as I made my way to the door. I gave my dad an imploring look. I was too close to breaking I couldn't stay with her.

"Eli should really go tell Esme what has happened," my dad offered quickly. "You know how she worries."

"Of course. But you'll come back, right?" she turned her cornflower blue eyes onto me.

"I'll try to be quick."

My dad followed me to the door. "I'm going to give her something for the pain and also to calm her. So you don't need to come back," he explained in a hushed voice. "She should be asleep soon."

I nodded at him and turned to the door. "I love you," Char called out behind me. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I knew that I was supposed to play along, but there was no way that I could say it back. Fuck that. There was only one woman that I wanted to say it to and she standing on the other side of the door. I would not let her hear those words leave my mouth for another woman, besides my family.

"I…um…I," I tried to force it out. But I couldn't.

"Son," my dad interrupted my lame attempt. "Could you grab the Tylenol too?"

I knew by the look on his face that he really didn't mean it; he was just giving me an excuse to not say it back to her. "Of course, dad," I said before dashing out the door.

A serious looking Bella was propped up against the wall opposite me.

"Hey," she said upon seeing me.

I didn't answer her; I just strode over to her and swooped her up in my arms.

"What are you doing?" she cried out softly, ever conscience of the ears that surrounded us.

"Carrying you," I said giving her a quick grin before striding to the stairs that would take me to my room.

"Why?" she asked. "Not that I mind."

"Because there is only one woman that I want to carry and now I am," I said trying to infuse my too-soon feelings into that one statement.

"There's only one man that I want to carry me," she said with at giggle. That giggle was the best sound that I had heard all day.

**Thank you for reading! Do you know how you can make my day? Review…it is proven a perfect mood up lifter…seriously, my doctor told me so and doctors don't lie ;)**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	18. Chapter 18

**I want to give a shout out to all of my fab readers and reviewers, you guys sure no how to make a girls day!**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she deals with all of my crazy grammar mistakes and polishes this story until it shines! She is the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me.**

_Last Chapter:_

A serious looking Bella was propped up against the wall opposite me.

"Hey," she said upon seeing me.

I didn't answer her; I just strode over to her and swooped her up in my arms.

"What are you doing?" she cried out softly, ever conscience of the ears that surrounded us.

"Carrying you," I said giving her a quick grin before striding to the stairs that would take me to my room.

"Why?" she asked. "Not that I mind."

"Because there is only one woman that I want to carry and now I am," I said trying to infuse my too-soon feelings into that one statement.

"There's only one man that I want to carry me," she said with at giggle. That giggle was the best sound that I had heard all day.

*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*

Once in my room I dropped Bella gently on my bed. I tried to keep myself in this moment, I tried to keep my mind from wandering to a room on the second floor that held a woman that once was everything to me but now the thought of her, of her in my arms, of telling her that I loved her made me want to peel my own skin off.

"What's that look for," Bella asked as she got up on her knees so that her hands could reach my face. Her fingers traced my brow gently, as she tried to ease the tension there.

"I hate Charlotte," I said after a minute.

"Okay," she said cocking her head to the side. "But it's more then that."

"I hate that she still has power over me," I said with a sigh.

"Oh," her voice was defeated as she plopped back onto her heels, her fingers leaving my face. "I could see that. I mean you guys had something really special once."

"What? I blurted out my eyes snapping up to meet hers. "You think that I meant that I still lo…that I want to…no…I… didn't mean that."

"You didn't?"

"Of course not. I meant that she is having my nephew. The only real thing of Eli that is left. I wanted nothing more then to leave her sorry ass in the woods but then I realized that by doing that I put my nephew at risk and that is something that I cannot do. He is too important," I had started pacing as I explained it to her.

"He meant a lot to Eli too. He would have sacrificed anything for Anthony."

"Anthony?" I asked in surprise. The shock of it caused me to stop pacing.

"Yes, that was the name that they had chose. Eli wanted a part of you there; he said that it was a great honor to name his son after you. It made him feel like he was somehow making everything up to you. No one told you what his name is going to be?"

"No, it never came up. I can't believe that I never asked." I really couldn't, shouldn't that have been something that I asked right away?

"There's a lot going on right now. It's not abnormal that it wouldn't even have crossed your mind," Bella said with a sad smile.

I realized that something that she had said earlier had caught my attention.

"What did you mean about Eli would have sacrificed anything for Anthony?" I had gotten so use to referring to the baby as well baby that it felt weird to say his name. I had better get use to it though; I can't be calling him baby the rest of his life.

"I shouldn't have said that," she said her eyes dropping to her lap.

"Why not?"

"Because it's not my secret to tell. Eli told me things in confidence and even though he is gone now, I can't betray him that way."

"He's not here to tell me," I pointed out. I don't why I was pressuring her into telling me this, I just had to. If she knew about his lack of feelings for Char, did she know about his growing feelings for her?

"No, he's not. But I just…" her eyes started welling up with tears, and I felt like an asshole.

"Hey, none of that," I said rushing forward to wrap my arms around as the first tear fell. "I'm sorry, I'm an asshole."

"It's not you," she sniffled. "It's just hard to believe that he is gone and never coming back. He is my best friend; I don't know what I am going to do without him now."

I didn't know what to say to her. Her comments ripped my heart out and I wanted nothing more then to take her pain away. But just like the hole that now resides in my chest, it was only going to heal with time.

"I keep wanting to call him and tell him about you," she said through her tears.

"You want to tell him about me?" I asked suppressing a smile. She didn't see it though, as her face was still pressed against my chest.

"Of course, though it would have been a little awkward with you being his brother and all. But I always told Eli about things that made me happy. He wanted me to be happy."

_With him._

My chest tightened at that thought. He wanted her to be happy, but would he have been happy if it were me she was with? Probably not.

"You meant a lot to him," I said without thinking.

"And how would you know that?"

Crap, I really put my foot in my mouth with that one. I couldn't obviously tell her what my dad had said or what I had read in the journal in his last entry.

The journal!

"It was in his journal."

"He wrote about me?" she asked pulling away from me slightly. Her red rimmed eyes meeting mine.

"Of course he did. He wrote about you a lot actually."

"I always wondered if I ever made an appearance in there," she said with a soft smile.

"You never took a peek?" I mean she did have the journal in her possession for ninety percent of the time.

"Nope, never. I would never have betrayed him that way. He trusted it with me because he knew that it was safe."

"He was lucky to have such a good friend," I said without any bitterness. He was lucky and I hoped that he knew it.

"I was the lucky one. He was always there for me, listening to my problems, helping me work through my problems. When I went to see my mom for the first time, and she rejected me, he was there to help pick up the pieces. He was like the brother that I never had."

_At least he was a brother to someone._

I physically cringed at my thoughts. Bella must have thought I was reacting to what she had said, because she turned her sorrow-filled eyes onto me again.

"I'm sorry. That was a shitty thing for me to say. Here I am saying that he was a brother I never had and he was your brother but not a very good one."

"No, he wasn't a very good brother to me, but I am glad to know that he was a good one to you. I've come to realize a lot over the last few days and I may never understand how Eli could have done that to me, but I am thankful that he did. I loved Char. She was my first love. I thought that we could have had it all together, but seeing her now, I realize that I would have been miserable. She is not the woman I thought she was and in a way Eli going for her kept me from making the biggest mistake of my life."

"But then I feel bad for thinking that, because if I had made it work with Char, we wouldn't be getting ready to bury my brother," I said mournfully. Why is there always a catch-22 to every situation in fucking life?

"Edward, you can't think that!" Bella said yanking me down on the bed next to her. "Char wasn't the reason that Eli was on the road that day, he came home to help your parents and besides that it was an accident."

She was right of course and wrong. She was right because it was an accident, but she was wrong. Eli was here not just because of Char but also because of his feelings for Bella. I realized in that second that this thing would always be between us, there was no way that I could spend the rest of whatever time I had with Bella with lies between us. Which reminded that Bella had been trying to telling me something in the meadow?

"I need to tell you something and then I want you to tell me what you were trying to say earlier in the meadow," I said looking at her. Her face cocked to the side, her eyes looked hesitant for a moment.

"Okay," she said softly.

I thought about what I needed to tell her for a moment. I know that my dad thought it was a fucking bad idea to tell her, but who were we to make that decision for her. She had a right to know. But it may be better omitting a few things out. I shouldn't tell her what my dad told me. Maybe after I explain to her what I read in Eli's own words and let her read it for herself, then she could make her own conclusions on everything.

"There are some things that I have learned over the last few days. I wasn't sure what to do with the information, at first I wanted to keep it to myself; I didn't want anyone else burdened by it. But now that I have had time to think about everything, I know that the right thing to do is talk to you about it," I started, God I hoped that this doesn't back fire in my face.

"Okay," she said her eyes wide and curious.

"I don't know how to word this without it coming out wrong. The last thing I want to do is cause more hurt or damage," I said truthfully, reaching up to run my hand through my hair. It was nervous habit that I had never been able to break.

"Edward, whatever it is can't be as bad as you think it to be," she said nudging me with her shoulder. "But if it has you this stressed out, then maybe you're not ready to share it."

She was giving me an out, my behavior must have tipped her off to this being bad and she was nervous. I could tell that by the way she was wringing her hands together.

"No, I need to get this out. I just hope that you don't hate me afterwards," I said yanking on my hair again. It was going to be sticking up everywhere after I was done with this.

"You're making me nervous, Edward."

"I know I am and I'm sorry for that," I mumbled. I needed to just blurt it out, like a ripping off a Band-Aid. It would be less painful the quicker I did it.

"Eli was in love with you," I said without thinking. Fuck! That was not the way I intended for it to come out.

But she surprised me. Instead of getting angry or going into shock, she burst out laughing.

"I don't see how this is funny," I said narrowing my eyes at her shaking frame.

"How is it not?" she chortled out.

"Because…well…I guess I just don't see the humor in it," I huffed. I felt the irritation building inside me, here I was agonizing over telling her this and she just laughs in my face.

"Where did you get this idea?" she asked as her chuckles slowed.

"I read it in his journal."

That shut her up. Her body stopped shaking and her chuckles ceased.

"What?" her voice sounded wrong. Off somehow.

"I read it in his journal," I said dumbly. Not knowing what else to say.

"I just gave you the journal, so that means it had to be in the beginning. So he fancied that he had feelings for me when we first met," she said relief imminent in her tone. If anything, the amusement from moments ago was making its way back into her voice.

I didn't want to burst her bubble, but the whole point of telling her this was to make it a non-issue between us.

"It wasn't at the beginning," I said lowly.

"It couldn't have been to far from it, I just gave it to you," panic was starting to replace the amusement and I was starting to wonder if this was a bad idea.

"I skipped around a little," it really wasn't a lie, once my dad told me what he knew I skipped to the end.

"You skipped around?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, slightly embarrassed. I didn't realize how insensitive that made me sound.

"What entry was it?" she demanded, her voice rising in panic.

"It was towards the end," I mumbled.

"What was that, I didn't hear you right? It sounded like you said towards the end," her face was turning red and not in the cute embarrassed way.

"That is what I said," I stated slowly, gauging her reaction.

"I….," she started and then stopped.

"You," I prompted.

She stood quickly.

"I need to go," she blurted out.

"You're leaving?"

Fuck, this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have told her.

"I need to go think. I need…I just need to go." and then she was gone, rushing out my door without a backwards glance.

_What did I just fucking do?_

**Thank you for reading! Do you know how you can make my day? Review…it is proven a perfect mood up lifter…seriously, my doctor told me so and doctors do not lie ;)**

**XO-**

**Symphiann**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers-you guys are awesome!**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she deals with all of my crazy grammar mistakes and polishes this story until it shines! She is the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

Last Chapter:

What did I just fucking do?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The moment the door closed behind Bella, I realized that telling her probably wasn't the best idea. I thought it was, but given her reaction, I think I was wrong.

Fuck.

I shoved my hands roughly into my hair, yanking on it in hopes that it would calm the whirlwind that was blowing through my mind.

It really didn't help.

Then it occurred to me that I just let Bella walk out. Fuck. I know she said that she needed to think, but I know from personal experience that too much alone time in ones head was not a good thing. Maybe if I go to her and explain things a little better then that would help.

_And just how do you think you could explain anything better? If anything, whatever you say to her will only make it worse._

I really hated when my sub-conscious had a point.

How could I honestly explain it in a way that she will not freak anymore? I knew now that not telling her about her unintentional hand in Eli's death was a smart thing. I don't think any matter of time to think would make that any better,

So it was at a complete loss at what to do that I found myself in the kitchen. My mom was standing over the stove stirring something in a pot.

"Oh Edward, you startled me," she exclaimed when she turned to grab a jar of spices.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

"I know that darling. I just wasn't expecting you. I thought maybe you had left with Bella," she had turned back to the pot at this point, so she didn't see my face tense up at the mention of Bella.

"Bella left?" I asked casually.

"Mmhmm, she pulled out of the driveway in a hurry to. I couldn't tell if there was anyone else in the truck with her, but I assumed you were."

I didn't know how to respond to that, so I just turned to the fridge to grab a beer. I wasn't much of a drinker, but after today I needed it. Between Char's craziness in the woods and Bella's reaction to my news, I may have needed more than one drink.

We stayed in silence, my mom and me; her stirring the dinner and me drinking from my beer. If I weren't so fucking stressed, I would almost have said it was nice. It had been a long time since I sat like that with my mom. I used to spend many evenings with my mom in the kitchen, watching her cook as I did my homework. More often then not Eli also joined us.

I felt a sharp tug on my heart at that memory. I could almost see the three of us huddled around the island in the kitchen, Eli and I swapping notes on some homework assignment and mom whipping up something delicious for dinner.

Those were the times that I missed the most and I just didn't mean in that moment either. Those were the thoughts that haunted me in New York. The happy times, the times that we were still a family, we were still friends.

"It's going to be hard," my mom's voice brought me back to the reality. The reality that it is only going to be the two of us enjoying these moments now.

"What is?" I asked slightly disoriented. I hoped that I hadn't missed her saying something.

"Living without him," she said in a small voice. "He's everywhere. He's in every room, every thought, and every moment."

"I just don't know how I am going to live without him," she said after a moment. Her voice was shaky; I could hear the tears in her throat threatening to break through.

"I don't know," I said quietly. "I've lived without him for ten years, but this is different. I never really thought it was permanent."

We sat there quietly for a moment. Both of us lost in our thoughts.

"It was hard when you left," she said after a minute. I noticed her hands were shaking with emotion. I reached out and grabbed on between mine, trying to help stable her. "I never thought anything would be harder than that. I kept telling myself that you would come home. That eventually you would see reason and one day you would just be here on the doorstep waiting for me to let you in."

"But months passed, then years and I lost hope. Seeing you in New York, happy with your life… I knew that we had to let you go, it was the only way to let you be happy. But even then I never lost hope that you would return."

"Mom," I tried to interrupt her once her tears starting falling.

"No, Edward. Let me finish," she said getting herself under control again. I nodded my head at her; I knew the feeling of needing to get something out.

"What I am trying to say is that even though you left and were gone for so long, I always knew that you were breathing somewhere. You were living and playing the piano just like you wanted to. I knew I could bear the pain of you being gone because you were alive. But this? I don't know if I can bear this. Tomorrow I have to put my son in the ground. Tomorrow I have to bury my baby. How do I do that?" she sobbed.

"I can't, Edward. I can't. Parents aren't supposed to bury their kids, it's not right." I pulled her into me and held her while she cried. I couldn't imagine the agony she was feeling at losing her own child. It had to be more for her; she carried him in her body. She nursed him as an infant. The pain had to be deeper, more primal for her than any of the rest of us.

I don't know how long I held her to me, hour's maybe. Most likely, it was only minutes. As her sobs quieted, I heard someone walk into the room behind me.

"Let me take her," my dad's voice said from my side.

I slowly slid my mother into my dad's arms. "It's going to be alright, love. I've got you."

"It's never going to be alright, Carlisle," she said weakly.

"In time it will be," I could tell by his voice that he didn't believe that though. "Why don't we get you laid down in bed, you need some rest."

"But dinner," she protested lightly. Even in her worst emotional state, my mom was a provider.

"I'll finish it up," I offered. Not really sure what she was making, but I'm sure I could figure it out.

"Thank you, Edward," she said giving me a watery smile.

My dad helped her to her feet and started to lead her from the room. "I'll be back in a moment, Edward. I'll let you know about everything then," I assumed he was talking about Char and her being cracked.

I just nodded my head and turned to the stove. Whatever my mom was cooking was no longer recognizable. The lumpy looking noodles were burnt to the bottom of the pan. The sauce completely dried, baked onto the lumpy mess.

_Great._

As I dug through the fridge in hopes of finding something else to make, I heard light footsteps behind me.

"You need any help?" my cousin, Alice, said. Her presence brought a brief smile to my face; I had missed Alice greatly in my time away.

"Yeah, I'm not much help in the kitchen," I admitted closing the fridge in defeat. "My mom was making dinner but she needed a moment to herself."

"I know," she said with a small smile. "I heard you two in here, but I didn't want to disturb you. Let me help you make dinner."

"I'm not going to say no to that," I said with a chuckle. "I'm pretty useless in the kitchen."

"How do you feed yourself in New York?" she asked as she started pulling things from the fridge. I didn't know how was finding anything in there, nothing I saw was useful.

"That's the nice thing about living in a city that never sleeps, is that there is always a restaurant open."

"I guess that's true," she said with a giggle. I watched as she starting kneading hamburger, egg and breadcrumbs together.

"What are you making?"

"Meatloaf. It's fairly simple and will feed a lot. So tell me about New York," she said will mashing the loaf in her hands.

"New York is amazing. It's loud, in your face, but so fucking beautiful at the same time," I said with a sigh. I was starting to miss home, well at least my home of ten years.

"I bet there are amazing stores to shop at," she said with a dreamy sigh.

"I guess."

"You don't know?" she said stopping what she was doing and giving me a hard look.

"I'm not much of a shopper."

"Hmph," she grunted turning back to the meat.

"You could come visit me there and find out for yourself," I offered, not wanting to piss off my tiny cousin. She could be scary.

"Seriously?" she asked cocking her eyebrow at me.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. It could be because you haven't contacted me in ten years," she said softly.

"Yeah, that," I started. "I don't know what to say besides I'm sorry. I was so hurt by everything here that I wasn't thinking clearly. I just knew that I had to cut off everyone, if I didn't I could have never left and stayed gone. At the time it made perfect sense."

"I understand that," she said after a minute. "And I can forgive you for it, but don't you ever do it again."

"I won't, I promise," I swore.

"Good," she said yanking her hands out of the meat concoction and throwing her arms around my neck to hug me, making sure that her hands were bent away from my body. Keeping the meat off my neck and back, thankfully.

"Do you know where Bella ran off to?" she asked once she was back to kneading the meat.

"I…uh…,"I stammered. I wasn't sure what to say. I mean, no, I didn't know where she had gone. But I did know why she left. "No."

"Huh, I wanted a chance to catch up with her."

"Are you two close?" I asked.

"Not super close, but close enough. We always found a moment or two to talk at different gatherings and such."

"Hmm."

"Eli and she were very close though," she said a sad voice. "This has to be tough on her."

"It is," I agreed.

"I just hope she has someone to lean on," Alice said thoughtfully. After first, I thought she might have been hinting at something between Bella and me but I didn't know how she would have known anything.

I wanted to butt in and say, that she had me, but that would be presumptuous. She could tell me to go fuck myself when she returns. I dropped a pretty big bomb on her today.

"I don't think she's dating anyone," I offered lamely.

"Really?" Alice asked in surprise. "I thought she was seeing someone."

"No, my dad said that her and her boyfriend, Tyler something, broke up awhile back."

"Oh, I know about Tyler. I thought she was dating someone else though," she said shaking her head.

"Not that I know of. Why did you think that?" I asked I couldn't help myself.

"Well last time we were here, about six months ago, Bella told me about some guy that she was kind of seeing. Nothing serious, I don't even think she had mentioned it to Eli. She was being pretty tight lipped about it. I only knew about it because I overheard her talking to him on the phone."

"Huh, she hasn't mentioned anyone," I said more to myself then her. Something was nagging on my subconscious, something that I felt like I was missing.

"Well maybe it's over with…," she trailed off there, her brow crumbled in deep thought. "Gosh, I know his name. Hmm…Jake? No, James…maybe Jess."

"Oh well, it started with a J, that I know for sure."

"Do you need help with anything?" I asked trying to turn the conversation elsewhere. I didn't want to think about Bella being with Jake-James-Jess, whatever his name was.

It wasn't until later, when I was laying bed hoping to hear the return of Bella's truck, that I remembered that Bella was trying to tell me something in the meadow, something important that made her nervous. Could it have been about this guy?

No, Bella wasn't the type to cheat. I mean I know that I only meet her, but she wouldn't do that.

_You didn't think Char would have either, until you caught your brother between her legs._

Fuck my subconscious. I hated when it was right and when it pulled up things that I longed to forget. Yeah, I may have thought the best of Char until that shit blew up in my face. But I was older; I knew better. I wasn't as trusting as before.

_Says the guy that thinks he is in love after only a few days._

I needed to quit thinking about it; I was going to drive myself crazy. A knock at my door brought me out of my thoughts.

"Who is it?" I asked warily.

"It's your dad."

"Come in."

My dad strode into the room closing the door behind him. "Hey, sorry for not making it back downstairs to talk to you."

"That's okay. How's mom doing?" I asked pulling myself into a sitting position on my bed.

"She's sleeping now," he said. He looked older somehow, aged. The last few days had been hard on him, trying to be strong for everyone else.

"That's good," I said nodding. "Want to sit?" I patted the bed by my feet.

"Sure." he sat heavily onto the bed. I realized that this situation with Char was weighing heavily on him. "I'm sorry about earlier, I know that this stuff with Char has to be hard for you."

"I can deal with it, dad."

"I know that you are strong, Edward and I have no doubts that you can deal with this. But it's not fair and I recognize that."

"What's fair anymore, Dad?"

"That's true," he chuckled humorlessly. "Char is doing better now, I just checked on her."

"Is she awake?" I tried not to be nervous at his answer, but I didn't want any of her late night visits.

"Yes, she was awake and very with it," he made quotation marks with his fingers when he said with.

"She was the same then," I offered dryly.

"Very. She doesn't seem to remember much from this afternoon. Just that she was going for a walk in the woods and that's it," he said. "She's very disoriented."

"Do you think," I started and then stopped.

"Do I think?" He prompted.

"Do you think she could be faking this?" I asked quietly. It was a thought that had crossed my mind on more then one occasion.

"I've thought of that, but Dr. Banner seems to thoroughly convinced that she is mentally unstable right now. Plus she would have to one hell of an actress to pull this off."

I didn't say what I was thinking. Char _was_an actress. How else would you explain her actions ten years ago? She sure as hell fooled me.

"Is the baby okay?" I asked.

"He seems to be doing fine. Char felt him move this evening after she woke up and I made sure that she got some dinner in her."

"That's good."

"I've talked her into making an appointment with her OBGYN for next week. It wouldn't hurt to have everything looked at. Her body in under a lot of stress right now," he explained.

"That sounds smart," I said trying to hold off a yawn. I failed.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," My dad said standing up. "I'll let you get some sleep, tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"Yes it is," I said lying back down.

"Goodnight Edward," he said opening the door.

"Night dad. I love you."

"I love you too, son." The door closed quietly behind him.

I must have just dozed off when I felt someone lay down on the bed beside me.

"Edward," Bella's soft voice washed over me. "Are you awake?"

"I am now," I said groggily.

"Sorry," she giggled softly.

"Are you really here?"

"Yes," she said, I could hear the smile in her voice.

"When did you get back," I asked pulling myself up in a sitting position and turning on my bedside lamp. A soft glow flooded the room.

I looked down at the girl lying next to me and my heart broke. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy from crying. Overall, she looked exhausted.

"I just got in," she said pulling herself into a sitting position.

I wanted to ask her where she went, but I couldn't bring myself to voice the words.

"Are you okay?" I asked instead.

"I don't know what I am. I'm confused mostly."

"I'm sorry," I offered lamely.

"It's not your fault."

"I shouldn't have told you," I said quietly.

"You did the right thing, I would have never guessed that's what you wanted to tell me, never in a million years, but I'm not mad that you told me."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not tonight, I've done nothing but think this afternoon, my brain needs a break from it all," she said shaking her head.

"That's understandable." And it was. Who was I to force her to talk about something?

"You want to lay down with me?" I asked.

"I would like nothing more than that," she said standing up and shedding her sweatshirt and jeans. Leaving her in nothing but a tiny tank top and her underwear.

Fuck, no bra.

Fuck.

Not that I was wearing much more then that, just a pair of basketball shorts with nothing underneath.

"I…um…"I stuttered. You would think with how I was acting that I had never seen a half-naked woman before.

"You, um?" she said giving me a seductive look as she crawled back up on the bed.

"You look amazing," I breathed out when she reached me.

"You don't look too bad yourself," she said looking down at my well-toned stomach and chest.

She crawled under the covers, snuggling into the pillow on her side of the bed. I leaned over, snapped the light off, and burrowed my way under next to her. When I was fully lying down, she moved closer, throwing her leg over my hip. We were laying so close to each other that I was breathing in her breath.

"Comfortable?" I whispered.

"Yes. Are you?"

"Uh huh," I started tracing my fingers up and down her spine, and she shivered in response.

"Cold?"

"Not at all," she breathed out, snuggling closer until I could feel her breath against my throat.

I don't know how long we lay there like that. Hour's maybe. I tried my hardest to fall asleep. I tried counting sheep, singing slow mellow songs in my head - I even tried to do some meditating shit I learned on the internet. None of it was working.

I must have breathed extra heavy, because Bella shifted beside me. "Having trouble sleeping?"

"I guess," I said softly.

"Me too."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I really don't want to talk," she breathed out.

"You don't?"

"Na-uh," I felt her lips touch my neck then, softly as first and then stronger as she moved along the column of my throat. I may have moaned lowly then, but fuck the feel of her next to me, pretty much naked, was making me hard. Incredibly hard.

"You like that?" her voice was soft.

"I more than like that." I had to fight every instinct that I had to grab her by the hips and pull her into my erection.

I had a flash of a thought that this wasn't right. Not us being together, but us being together like that – when things were so messed up. She just found out something big, and not to mention that we were still in my parents' house. But I quickly pushed those thoughts away. I wanted this. I wanted her. We would deal with everything else tomorrow, together.

Once those thoughts left my head, I found my hand creeping up her side underneath her tank top. I paused for a moment under the swell of her breast to see if she was going to stop me, but the low moan that escaped her mouth was enough of a go ahead for me. I trailed my hand up until it wrapped around her firm breast. I could feel her nipple tighten against the palm of my hand.

"Fuck baby," I breathed out against her mouth before devouring her lips with mine.

I don't know how long I spent plucking and pulling at her nipples with my fingers, but eventually I wanted to taste them. So I reached down and with her help I pulled off her tank top, revealing the most beautiful fucking breasts I had ever seen. I wanted to stare at them all night, memorize them. But Bella suddenly arched off the bed, offering her perfect mounds to my mouth.

How could I say no to that?

I couldn't, so I lowered my lips to her right nipple first and duplicated what I was just doing with my fingers with my lips instead.

I felt her small hand creep down my stomach and into my shorts, before grasping my very hard and very large erection.

"You are so big," she breathed out. Coming from any other woman it would have sounded cheesy and porn star-ish. But not her. If anything it made me want to rip those tiny panties off and have my way with her. She started to slowly pump my cock up and down, making me moan loudly. I needed to touch her and I needed to touch her right then.

I reached down and roughly yanked her panties down her legs. She helped by lifting her hips off the mattress. After I threw her panties off the bed, I slid my fingers through her lips, finding her wet and ready for me. I traced down, taking a moment to flick her clit with my finger, her back arched off the bed slightly in response. Her moan filled the air.

Her sounds and movements encouraged me, so I slowly slid a finger into her waiting heat.

"Oh, Edward," she gasped moving her hips in time with my pumping. "That feels so good.

Fuck yes it felt good! Her warmth surrounding my finger was almost enough to make me cum.

"You like that, baby?" I groaned picking up the pace.

"So much."

"You want more?" I asked preparing to add another finger into her tight warmth.

"I want you," she pleaded. How could I deny her that? I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom that I had stashed there earlier. I wasn't assuming that this would happen, but I was hopeful.

I slid it onto my engorged member quickly and positioned myself in between her legs.

"Are you ready, love?" I asked pressing into her lightly. I fought every urge I had to slam into her.

"More than ready," she panted, wrapping a leg up and around my hips. She used that led to urge me forward. That was enough of a sign for me.

I pressed forward, sheathing myself into her tight warmth.

Fuck and was it warm and tight. Tighter than anyone I had ever been with.

"You feel so good, baby," I moaned filling her all the way up.

"You feel so good inside me, please move," she begged.

I realized that I stopped once I was fully seated inside her. Her walls gripping me was almost enough. Almost.

I started pumping slowly, not wanting to rush. It was already going too fast, I wanted to enjoy every moment of being inside her.

"Oh my Edward," she moaned loudly, causing me to buck my hips faster, harder, deeper.

_Faster, harder, deeper._

I kept chanting that in my mind. I wanted to be so deep inside her that I didn't know where I ended and she began.

"You feel so right, Bella," I panted loudly into her neck.

"Harder," she begged. "I'm so close."

I could tell that she was her walls were starting to flutter around me. Taking me closer and closer to my own orgasm.

"Oh, Edward," was all she said before she lost it, her whole body tightening and the releasing around me. I couldn't hold mine off any longer, three more thrusts and I followed behind her.

"That was…," I panted as I slowly rolled off her, both of us wincing at the loss of each other.

"Amazing," she finished for me.

I quickly discarded the condom in the garbage by my bed, making a mental note to change it out before my mom had a chance to.

Bella snuggled up to me once I was resituated in bed. For once, there were no words needed to feel the air around us. Her in my arms made everything perfect.

And for that moment, everything was right in the world.

**I think that deserves a review….Whew, I hate writing lemons. I blush the whole time I was doing it, I swear everyone around me knows what I was doing…hehe.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers-you guys are awesome!**

**I would like to thank my beta: Sabi'sSookie, she deals with all of my crazy grammar mistakes and polishes this story until it shines! She is the A-M-A-Z-I-N-G**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of its characters! They belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer. The original story line and any original characters do belong to me. I do own: All of the books, a team Edward shirt, and the soundtracks to all three movies, Twilight the movie, and used ticket stubs to Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**

Last Chapter:

Bella snuggled up to me once I was resituated in bed. For once, there were no words needed to feel the air around us. Her in my arms made everything perfect.

And for that moment, everything was right in the world.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*TOT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

But that moment ended with the morning light.

Fucking sun.

I woke to the most amazing sight of Bella snuggled in my arms. It was like for the first time in ten years, everything seemed fucking right.

But then I remembered what today would bring.

My brother's funeral.

Today I would bury my brother; I would never see him again. And suddenly the perfect morning changed and I felt like the whole world was closing in on me. My chest started to tighten and I found myself fighting for breath. I didn't even know I was shaking, until Bella squirmed a little at how tight I was holding her.

"You're shaking," she murmured in a sleepy voice. I felt like such a dick to wake her up this way. I wanted to keep us both in this perfect bubble of happiness, but that was im-fucking-possible. Real life was just a little to fucking real right now.

"I'm sorry," I said through clenched teeth.

She must have sensed something was really wrong, because she shifted in my arms until she could prop herself above me. Her mahogany hair cascaded around us like a veil, closing us off from everything else. I had to say it helped my anxiety level. Breathing her scent, having her right there.

"Baby," she murmured, "Talk to me."

I fought to get the words out. I didn't know how to phrase what was going on in my mind.

"Eli," I finally sputtered. I couldn't say the words. I couldn't say that I knew that today was it. Today he would really be gone from me.

She must have understood what I was fighting with, because her own beautiful brown eyes welled up with tears. I felt like even more shit for reminding her what today was.

"It's going to be alright," she said softly, snuggling into my neck. I could feel the wetness of her tears trail down my skin. I felt as they mixed with my own. I should have felt like a pussy for crying in front of her. But I couldn't find it in me to care. I knew it wouldn't be the last time today that I let it all out.

I don't know how long we lay there like that. But after awhile, I realized that I needed to get up. My mom and dad were going to need me today; lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to help anyone.

"We should get up," I said.

"I know," came her muffled reply.

She slowly pulled herself out of my arms, I was glad to see that her tears had subsided.

"This is going to be so fucking hard," I said as I was pulling on my discarded basketball shorts. It may have been the first time we had seen each other fully naked, it just felt natural.

"It is."

I turned to find her seated on the foot of the bed. Her sweatshirt back on and her shorts in place.

"We'll get through it together," I said firmly. I wanted her to know that she could lean on me.

"I know."

We made our way down to breakfast hand in hand, but once we hit the main floor I regretfully let go. I didn't want any Char drama this morning. It was going to hard enough without that added burden.

I knew Bella understood, because she squeezed my hand softly before letting go. I couldn't help but pull her against me and kiss the hell out of her. She was too understanding sometimes and I worried that she let herself hurt too much. She seemed surprised by my attack but didn't try to push me off; instead, she seemed to pull me closer.

We were really getting into it, almost to the point of me picking her up and running back up to my bed with her, when a throat cleared behind us.

We quickly pulled away from each other, to see Rosalie standing there. She looked like a perfect funeral model standing there in a freshly pressed black pantsuit and her blonde hair pulled up in a severe looking bun.

"Well isn't this nice," she purred.

I narrowed my eyes at her, I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what her fucking problem was. I never in my life met the bitch until this past week.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I blurted out.

"I don't have a problem," she replied coolly.

"Yeah right, you have been nothing but a bitch to Bella sense you got here."

"What are you, her little guard dog?" she asked arching a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

I have never wanted to slap a bitch as bad as I did right now…Well, besides when I caughtt Char fucking my brother. I felt Bella tense behind me and it just added to my anger. Today was going to be fucking hard enough without this bullshit.

"You know what, you can stand there and act like the perfectly tailored bitch that you seem to be, but today I am burying my fucking brother. None of us need to be dealing with whatever seems to have crawled in your craw and died," I fumed taking a large step in her direction.

She visibly flinched backwards at my words. I had to wonder if this was the first time someone had put this bitch in her place. But I wasn't finished yet.

"And if I hear you utter one more poisonous word in Bella's direction, I may have to re-think my bitch slapping rule."

She literally gasped aloud at my words.

"You wouldn't?" she said in disbelief.

"Do you really want to try me?" I asked cocking my own brow this time.

"Well I…," she stuttered. "She…."

When her finger pointed in Bella's direction I about lost it. She was one dense bitch and I was to close to snapping. Before I had a chance to react, I felt Bella's small hand come out to rest on my bicep. I felt my body start to calm immediately.

"Edward," her soft voice said from behind me. "She's not worth it."

The look at Rosalie's face was priceless then. It was like Bella slapped her without physically doing it.

"You're right," I said after a moment. "But I still meant what I said. One word and we'll see how this goes."

Before she had a chance to react, I spun around and latched onto Bella, swiftly pulling her into the next room. Once the door closed behind us in the music room, I pulled Bella into my arms.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

"Yes."

"Please don't lie," I pleaded.

"I'm not lying, Edward. She doesn't know me or you, her words are just words," she said calmly.

"What the fuck is her problem?" I asked pulling away to look at her.

"I don't know, she's always been that way," she said looking at the shut door. "Well maybe not that vocal, but she's never been friendly towards me."

We stood there in silence for a moment, but only for a moment. Bella's stomach grumbled loudly with hunger, reminding me of what our original destination.

"Let's go feed you," I said pulling her towards to door. Her answering giggle was the balm my soul needed at that moment.

Breakfast went surprisingly well. It seemed everyone was lost in their own thoughts about what today would bring. It was like we all sensed the final door on this chapter of our lives closing. Before I knew it, I was alone in my bedroom staring at the suit I brought for this day.

It was a plain black jacket with a black button up underneath. No tie. I dressed up all the time for work, the most pompous tuxedoes to just play the piano in an orchestra. Today I wanted to be me, Edward. Not someone in a stiff suit, hiding.

I was done hiding. I knew there was some big decision that I was going to have to make in my life, I couldn't keep living the way that I was. The angry man that boarded the plane in New York to attend his brother's funeral no longer exists. He died along with his brother; someone new was left in his place. Someone who now needs to learn how to forgive and really start living his life.

I needed to live not only for me, but for Eli too. I owed him that. I owed me that.

So I slipped on my suit. Buttoned the buttons and smoothed the creases. Trying the whole time not think about my brother and what this suits means.

_I'm not ready for this._

I about snorted at that thought, like I had a choice in the matter. Eli was being buried today, no matter if I was ready or not.

Once I was finished getting dressed, I found myself unable to leave my room. To leave was to take the next step towards to unknown. I felt myself being drawn to Eli's journal, his words offering me comfort and strength.

I took the notebook and sat on my bed. I gingerly opened the worn cover and flipping the pages until I reached the second entry. I felt a stab of guilt remembering my actions from days before when I ripped through his journal trying to figure out his feelings for Bella.

My eyes traced over the date of the entry, it wasn't very long after his first entry.

_Dear Edward,_

_Hey Bro. Man life is so weird without you here, something happens everyday that makes me want to pick up the phone and call you just so I can tell you about it. School is tough, but in a good way. It takes my mind off of everything that has happened. If I dwell on my actions to long, I find myself slipping into a place that isn't healthy._

_I guess I'm mostly writing today because Char called me. She told me that she wants to see me. I've been avoiding her since I returned. It's not because I don't want to see her, because I do. Almost more then I want anything else. Well, besides your forgiveness. That is always on the top of my want list. She begged me to meet her somewhere. I tried saying no, but I couldn't. I love her so much._

_Does that make me a bad person?_

_I'm sure that you would probably say yes to that and I can't blame you for that. You have every right and reason to feel that way._

_Have I said I'm sorry today? I am._

_Have I said I missed you today? I do._

_Have I said I loved you today? I wish I could tell you to your face._

_I meet with her. I am a horrible person. I wanted to cry when I saw her face. It was like looking at an angel. She smiled so big when she saw me, it made me complete in ways that I could never explain. But her smile faltered for a moment when I walked closer and I had to wonder if she was thinking about you. _

_It made me jealous._

_I don't want her to see you when she looks at me. Something in me will probably always wonder if it is that way. She loved you, you know. I know that you probably don't believe that, but she did, does. I can see it in her eyes whenever someone brings up your name. The flicker of pain that she can't suppress._

_I deserve it._

_I deserve to wonder forever if she loves you more, if she is only with me because she can pretend that's you. Listen to me ramble on here like I deserve it any other way._

_I can only ask for your forgiveness everyday, I will strive to be a better man. A man that you can be proud of._

_A man that I can be proud of._

_Forgive me._

_I'll keep asking until the day I die._

_-Eli_

His last words of that entry strike me to the core. It was ironic that would read those words today of all days. It was like Eli guided me to this entry.

I sat the journal on the bed next to me, taking a moment to digest what I had read. The parts about Char didn't affect me at all. The part of me that held onto that anger and rage was gone. I didn't care about her anymore and realizing that released me.

But there was one thing that I needed to do. For me and for him.

I looked to the ceiling of my room and took a deep breath.

"I forgive you, Eli."

**Forgiveness is a good theme for this chapter…so please forgive me for my epic failure in updating! I promise to be better! Better yet, I pinky promise!**

**XO-**

**Symphiann **


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